When we first heard Night at the Museum‘s Shawn Levy was directing a movie about robot boxers starring Hugh Jackman (and this before we saw the trailer for Levy’s latest, Date Night), this quote left us with little doubt it’d be a total train wreck:

“In a movie filled with these mechanical warriors, at its core ‘Real Steel’ is an incredibly human story.”

I don’t trust anyone who’d have the balls to say something that lame out loud. Anyway, Levy recently had a chance to discuss the project and say more stupid things with SciFiWire:

“It’s faithful to the [Richard Matheson] story in that that it was very much about a down-on-his-luck, slightly desperate journeyman who works in this robot boxing sport and who is desperately needing redemption and one last shot. The movie is more Rocky than Transformers.”

Uh, sweet?

Levy has not cast the main character’s son yet but has a good idea about the robots. “They are most definitely not Transformers, not Terminators, definitely not WALL-Es, either,” Levy said. “Unlike a lot of these others, these are human-built, human-scale fighting machines. “

You mean like… Terminators?

Read the rest of this entry »

(Looks like mom’s the only one upset.  The moral of the story is that women be naggin’.)

This is a time when the movie industry is literally optioning gum wrappers from the 50s, so it should come as no surprise that there’s going to be a Berenstain Bears movie. If you’ll remember, the Berenstain Bears is a famous children’s book series about a family of bears who mostly did gay crap like teach lessons about non-violence and never ate anyone.

It’s a bear market for one group of moviemakers. [kill yourself. -Ed.] Shawn Levy, director of the Night at the Museum movies, has signed on to produce a feature film based on The Berenstain Bears books, a comedy he says will be a mix of live-action and computer animation. The characters were first published in 1962 in The Big Honey Hunt.
“I’d like the film to be un-ironic about its family connections but have a wry comedic sensibility that isn’t oblivious to the fact that they’re bears,” Levy says. “The comedy comes from this bear family coexisting in a more recognizably real world. I think the movie will be witty but never sarcastic,” he says.  [USA Today]

Yes, because as Jesus teaches, sarcasm is a tool of the devil, like avarice or Danny Masterson.  Anyway, I’m glad they’re the Berenstain Bears and not the Berenstein Bears.  Bears are normally cuddly and benevolent, but Jew bears are liable to eat a Christian baby.  Aw, crap, I’m going to letters from Eli Roth now, aren’t I.

Read the rest of this entry »

As previously discussed, Real Steel is a futuristic film about robots that box, “but at its core a human story.” Produced by Steven Spielberg and Robert Zemeckis, from the director of Night at the Museum and Cheaper by the Dozen, it sounds like it could be either the greatest or lamest movie ever. The latest news is that Hugh Jackman is in talks to star.

Pic is a Rocky-esque tale of a fighter who has to reinvent himself when human boxing becomes obsolete, replaced by 2000 pound human-like robots. Jackman is negotiating to play the ex-fighter, who becomes a Robot Boxing promoter, but whose chances of success are hampered by his access to sub-standard robot parts. That is until he discovers a discarded robot that always seems to win. The ex-fighter has also discovered he’s the father of a 13-year old son, and they bond as the robot brawls its way toward the top. [Variety]

So basically, it’s like Rocky meets Wall-E meets Three Men and a Baby.  Why didn’t I think of that? “You don’t undastand, Chahley! I coulda been a contenda!  It coulda been somebody!  Until dem no good robots come and gimme a one-way ticket ta palookaville.”  (*jazz hands*)

When Peter Berg signed on for Battleship, it meant Dreamworks had to find someone else to direct Real Steel.  They chose Night at the Museum director Shawn Levy for the project, which can basically be described as When Rocky Met Robot Jox.

The “Steel” story line takes place in a near future where human boxing has been outlawed, and heavy, humanoid robots slug it out in the ring instead. Into this world step a father and his estranged teenage son, who train an extraordinary fighter.

I can hear the pitch now: “See, it’s like Iron Man meets Terminator meets Fight Club, with a dash of f’ck it, let’s say Transformers.”  And keep in mind this isn’t a Japanese direct-to-DVD flick, it’s being produced by Steven Spielberg and Robert Zemeckis.  Now, please hold for a truly awful PR quote…

Read the rest of this entry »