In six months, Dreamworks is scheduled to release Real Steel, a film from Hugh Jackman and the director of Night at the Museum about robots with mohawks who punch each other in the balls and box.  For some, this would be a time of much worry and hand-wringing, wondering if the $80 million they spent on a robot-boxing movie would earn out.  The heads at Dreamworks, on the other hand, believe this to be such a surefire winner of a concept that they’ve already hired a writer for the sequel. 

I’m told the studio has commissioned John Gatins, who scripted the first film, to start on the second installment. It’s unusual to see that occur so early, but I can recall it happening when Warner Bros commissioned a Hangover sequel after early tests showed the movie was going to be a big hit.

DreamWorks has gotten strong response to internal screenings of the film, and at a CinemaCon presentation of footage in Las Vegas. The film is a Rocky-meets-Transformers tale of a prize fighter whose pugilistic skills are rendered obsolete when human boxers are replaced by robots. The fighter (Jackman) becomes a boxing promoter and finds a discarded robot that wins and wins. The fighter also discovers he has a 13-year old son, who comes along for the ride as the robot heads toward the top against scary competition. [Deadline]

Rocky meets Transformers.  Do not nut-punch your robot, you indeed read that correctly. Though if you ask me, it sounds like another Stallone classic, Over the Top.  Specifically the old Norm MacDonald car crash sketch from SNL (included below), where he’s ripping on Stallone for making Over the Top.  “Did you actually read the script for Over the Top and say ‘gee, that’s a good one.’  You combined the the drama of a child custody hearing with, uh… arm wrestling.”

I can’t wait until Real Steel comes out, combining all the touching drama of male-abandonment issues with… uh… robot boxing.

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In Real Steel, from the director of Night at the Museum, Hugh Jackman trains robots to box, which is one of the more ridiculous premises I’ve ever heard.  But once I found out Kevin Durand was in it, my skepticism melted away like an icicle in my butt.  Anyway, this one’s about a robot who Hugh Jackman finds in a trash heap that always seems to win.  It’s basically the Seabiscuit of robot boxing movies.  Haha, I just typed that.  And then at the 1:07 mark, the robot punches the other robot in the crotch.  (*rings oversized bell*) NUT SHOT IN THE TRAILER!!! NUT SHOT IN THE TRAILER!!! (*runs around room with arms above head*)

Oh, and then Hugh Jackman shouts, “BRING IT!”

Silly Human. It. Has already been. Broughten. Bleep borp.

"Bleep bop boop (*fart*)"

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My favorite part of watching UFC on Spike TV is all the ads aimed at my demographic.  They make me feel so smart!  REAL BOOBS! FAKE BOOBS!  WHICH CHICKS ARE HORNIER?? FIND OUT ON MANSWERS! NOW CHUG A XIENCE, F*GGOT! (*explosions, guitar squeals*) XTREME SCIENCE FOR XTREME C*CK HAVERS!   And now, thanks to Date Night at the Museum director Shawn Levy, Spike TV’s Deadliest Warrior is coming to the big screen.  If you haven’t seen it, that’s the one where two guys dressed like old-timey warriors like Aztecs or Vikings argue about who could kick whose ass.  XTREEEME LARPING, OOH WAH-AH AH-AH!  (*chugs Mickey’s, cornholes Burnsy*)

Paramount made a deal for Shawn Levy’s 21 Laps Entertainment to produce a big-screen adaptation of sister company Spike TV’s “Deadliest Warrior.” Shawn Levy and 21 Laps President Dan Levine will produce the film, with the possibility that Levy may direct.

“Deadliest Warrior” pits history’s greatest warriors against one another to determine who reigns supreme. Along with the use of 21st century science and the latest in CGI technology, the series enlists world-class fighters, historians and weapons experts to provide insight into the unique history and style of these combatants which culminates in a head-to-head final fight between two warriors to declare which one would have been the deadliest.   The first two seasons showed such memorable battles as Spartan vs. Ninja, Viking vs. Samurai, Pirate vs. Knight, Yakuza vs. Mafia and Comanche vs. Mongol.

The film’s storyline is being kept under wraps.

Ooh, I’m so intrigued.  Maybe the Vikings will have to save the Ninja Rec Center from greedy Pirates in a break-dance battle?  I didn’t see the Comanche vs. Mongol episode, but I imagine the Mongols would’ve been best served putting down the bow and arrow and picking up smallpox blankets.  Anyway, between this and Real Steel, the robot boxing movie, Shawn Levy is really making the 8-year-old me staging fights between his He-Man and G.I. Joe toys look like a visionary.  No, Joe, Skeletor doesn’t like to be touched that way.

MY PITCH: “Deadliest Warrior Catch,” where a boat full of guys dressed like Spartans compete with boats full of Samurais and Knights to see who can catch the most crab.

This is the first picture of Hugh Jackman on the set of Real Steel, from Night at the Museum director Shawn Levy and producers Steven Spielberg and Robert Zemeckis.  The plot, as previously reported:

A Rocky-esque tale of a fighter who has to reinvent himself when human boxing becomes obsolete, replaced by 2000 pound human-like robots. Jackman plays the ex-fighter, who becomes a Robot Boxing promoter, but whose chances of success are hampered by his access to sub-standard robot parts. That is until he discovers a discarded robot that always seems to win. The ex-fighter has also discovered he’s the father of a 13-year old son, and they bond as the robot brawls its way toward the top.

That robot’s name?  Seabiscuit.  Anyway, USA Today, who published the publicity still, report that the scenes between robots and humans will be filmed using life-sized animatronics (not CGI), and that the fight scenes will be performance capture.  They also report (no joke) that they’ve hired Sugar Ray Leonard as an adviser.  (“So tell us, Sugar, in your expert opinion, how many ‘bots could a robot box if a robot could box bots?”)

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I love Tina Fey, even if she is a goody two shoes, ooh-look-at-me-I-don’t-do-drugs nerd.  And even though he’s burned us a couple times, I still give Steve Carell the benefit of the doubt.  That said, the first trailer for Date Night was about as funny as a hate crime (and I don’t mean the hilarious kind against clowns). Seriously, mother-in-law jokes?  What year is it?  Anyway, here’s what the early reviews have been saying.  Spoiler alert: they’re better than I expected.

Here’s proof that Tina Fey and Steve Carell could squeeze laughs out of a phone book. Josh Klausner’s script rivals the Yellow Pages for dry and utilitarian.And yet their teamwork turns it into comic bliss. – Peter Travers, Rolling Stone.

“Date Night” is a product substantially inferior to the material routinely finessed by Carell and Fey, on their respective hit shows, into comic gold. And yet “Date Night” gets by, almost despite itself, on the durability and wiles of its stars.  The people on-screen keep saving this one, none more so than James Franco and Mila Kunis. As lowlifes mixed up in the Tripplehorn saga, they give “Date Night” a shot in the arm, simply for the way Franco says the line, “Like I wanna spend the rest of my life selling stolen wheelchairs!” -Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune.

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