Friends, I love nothing more than writing intelligent parody, critical analysis, and cultural criticism for you, and I hope that’s what keeps you coming back, but every once in a while I’m more than content to let the content flash its boobs and soak up page-views speak for itself. Here’s Sofia Vergara’s magnificent, lace-covered breasts in New York yesterday, where she was filming Fading Gigolo with Sharon Stone, which is being directed by John Turturro, and co-stars Woody Allen and Liev Schrieber. Sweet, all the pervs are here.

Fioravante decides to become a professional Don Juan as a way of making money to help his cash-strapped friend, Murray. With Murray acting as his “manager”, the duo quickly finds themselves caught up in the crosscurrents of love and money.

Every time Sharon Stone films a sex scene, I have to wonder if it involves a bathtub full of pee. Maybe she got nicer after her husband got bit by a Komodo dragon? I don’t know. Also, has anyone seen Romance & Cigarettes, John Turturro’s musical with James Gandolfini? It looked… strange. Anyway, long-story short, BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! (*puts on foam cowboy hat, dances jig, fires two pistols into the air, which light a giant banner made of sparklers reading “BOOBS!” as skywriter flies by in biplane*)

Also, question for Spanish speakers: “Verga” is Spanish slang for penis. So couldn’t “Vergara” be taken to mean “penis handler” or “one who works with penises?” “Penis charmer,” perhaps? These are the things that keep me up at night.

[more pics at TheSuperficial]

A website called LoveFilm has compiled a list of the top 10 most paused scenes in movie history, using an incredibly accurate scientific method known as an “online poll.” (*lights bunsen burner, fills graduated cylinder with green liquid, masturbates to internet porn*)  Hmmm… these results are most fascinating.

The Top Ten Most-Paused Movie Moments:
1. Sharon Stone crossing her legs – Basic Instinct (1992) – 31 %
2. Jennifer Lopez naked rear – The Back-Up Plan (2010) – 16%
3. Stormtrooper bangs his head – Star Wars – Episode IV – A New Hope (1977) – 15%
4. Jamie Lee Curtis flash – Trading Places (1983) – 8%
5. Jessica Rabbit goes commando – Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) – 6%
6. Brad Pitt flashes behind doctor in hospital – Fight Club (1999) – 5%
7. Captain America’s shield appears on desk – Iron Man 2 (2010) – 4%
8. Dust spells out ‘S.F.X’ – The Lion King (1994) – 3%
9. Pacman cameo – Tron (1982) -2%
10. Nicole Kidman rear-end flash – Eyes Wide Shut (1999) – 1%
Other – 9 %

Sharone Stone’s big, blonde beaver shot makes sense, but the part of the study I had to pause was number two.  The Back-Up Plan?  The movie that came out in 2010?  Long after free porn was available to even the most under-privileged youths? When Jennifer Lopez was 41 years old?  The movie where, in the trailer, J Lo was clenching to keep the baster-squirted donor jizz from spilling out her floppity 41-year-old cunny hole?  The one where she plays a pet-shop owner with a disabled dog who falls in love with an organic cheese farmer?  THAT Back-Up Plan?  You’re telling me heterosexual men rented and watched this film in order so they could pause a glimpse of Jennifer Lopez’ butt? Now guys, if there’s someone out there that lonely, please, there’s plenty of good bestiality and amputee porn I can direct you to.  There’s no need to become some sort of freak.

You’re looking at the teaser poster for Mermaid Island, a "$50 million dollar US-China production" that would’ve teamed Sharon Stone with the director of Catwoman.  I say "would’ve", because Stone was kicked off the film after her rant about how China’s Earthquake was bad karma from being mean to the Tibetans.  It’s a shame, because she’d apparently been preparing for the role by trying to grow a tail out of her vagina.

"Mermaid Island" is set in the Ocean with four races, humans, mermaids, some beastie and mythical creatures, not always living together peacefully. The central plot revolves around a young man and a mermaid. Liang Yanfei is the Mermaid. Monica Bellucci ("The Matrix Reloaded") plays the Mermaid Queen. [Moviehole]

I love it when stupid people use the "God was punishing you" or "everything happens for a reason" angle.  If someone ever says something that stupid in your presence, just punch them in the face without warning.  What are you looking at me like that for?  You probably had lust in your heart or some shit.  Sinner.  -Thanks to Robo for the tip