Shark Night 3D: So… uh… there are some sharks, and like… one night they come out… and it’s like… YOU CAN PRACTICALLY TOUCH ‘EM, BRO!
RottenTomatoes Score: 33%
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“This limp teens-in-peril fright flick doesn’t even deserve to swim in the same bloody waters as Piranha 3D; frankly, there were more genuine jolts in Judy Moody and the NOT Bummer Summer.” -Alonso Duralde, TheWrap
“I would say anyone who buys a ticket for a film called ‘Shark Night 3D’ will get exactly what they pay for, and these days, that can feel like a bit of a miracle.” -Drew McWeeny, HitFix
“A full-fledged, bottom-of-the-ninth strikeout, a trashy, stupid, joyless, and overlong thriller.” -Todd Gilchrist, ThePlaylist
Armchair Assessment: I don’t know what needs to be said about this other than, “It’s rated PG-13.” While I didn’t love Piranha 3D, it wasn’t without its charms, but there’s not a chance in hell I would’ve sat through it without boobs and blood. Isn’t that the whole point? This is like Fast and Furious without cars or sweaty dudes.