FilmDrunk reader “Adolf Hitler” (I think it might be a fake name) recently sent me a link to VH1 fashion blogger/author Libby Keatinge’s “Red Carpet Report Cards.”  He writes, “Looks like Sexman has competition.”  In light of his email, I thought a comparison might be fun.  Boy was I wrong.  Anyway, here we go:

Style
Sexman: Reading off computer screen, lip smacking, being a kid.
Keatinge: Reading off computer screen, vacant-eyed stare, having a lame schtick.

Targets
Sexman: Chris Brown, Carlos Mencia, Grafitti
Keatingh: Renee Zellweger, Tina Fey, Penelope Cruz

Sample Diss
Sexman: “My God. 50 Cent is just whoring himself out. First he does commercials for Vitamin Water, now he makes a dildo of his own dick?  What else is he gonna do, 50 Cent Diapers? For your little gangsta?”
Keatinge: “Your grandma’s doilies are fine under some fresh-baked cookies on her coffee table, but not the red carpet!”  And: “As if it wasn’t busy enough with all the damn gems all over it? It’s like she took blue hair out of Marge Simpson’s wig. And stuck it all over the arms.”

Conclusion: I’m gonna have to give the edge to Sexman.  For one thing, Keatinge’s schtick threw me off.  When I see a girl dressed like a schoolgirl on the internet, I expect her to deepthroat something or get peed on by a farm animal or resist the advances of mischievous octopi. Watching her just sit there and whine was kind of a letdown.  For another thing, I really like Sexman’s new Planet Hollywood hat.
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Though his recent review of Taken is perhaps more film-related, as far as I’m concerned, any time Sexman weighs in on anything, it automatically makes it relevant.  And in that vein, he recently had some important insight to share on the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna fiasco. He concludes:

“So, Chris Brown, don’t beat up your wife.  Even though she could be annoying.  I don’t know, maybe she is.  Anyway, I’ve always thought your songs were incredibly gay.”

I’d now like to take this time to nominate Sexman for domestic violence czar.  They have one of those, right?  Sure, why not.  As a bonus, I’m also including below Sexman’s second review of a fight at school, which he describes as “Epic. Way better than the bitch fight,”  and during which says he was able to document a knockout/gushing blood on his cell phone camera.  Oh, Sexman, will you be my Valentine?
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FilmDrunk’s official movie reviewer, Sexman, is tired of 50 Cent’s shameless media whoring and he’s taken to the internet to question Fiddy’s street cred.  A makeup product for men?  That ain’t how we do in the Sexman family.  Anyway, you’d be wise to listen up, Mr. Cent, because if there’s one thing Sexman knows, it’s keepin it real.

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It’s been a while since I last caught you up with Sexman, FilmDrunk’s official movie reviewer.  He recently witnessed two girls fighting at school. Here he offers his review.

“Saw a fight at school the other day that was pretty badass.  Was tryin to hustle my ass to gym class because I didn’t wanna be late.  Some kids didn’t see the fight, but don’t worry, I told them ALL about it.  It was so exhilarating and exciting, I love fights.  Though I’d rather see two guys fighting because it’s more violent.”

I feel the same way about love making.  Wait, what?  In any case, ridicule him in the comments all you want, but by now it’s clear: I’m Sexman.  You’re Sexman.  Are not we all Sexman?

Our official movie reviewer Sexman is back, and this time he’s pissed.  About outsourcing.  Seriously, just watch.  He’s like the Andrew Dice Clay of his generation.

(feel free to skip it, Sexman haters, I still love the kid)