Japanese film: Sex doll becomes machine gun mid-coitus

03.28.11 Written by Vince Mancini

Yakuza-Sex-doll-gun

Clive Owen famously brought Monica Bellucci to orgasm while shooting bad guys in Shoot ‘Em Up, a scene which was later ripped off, er, homage’d by Nic Cage and Charlotte Ross in Drive Angry, which added the delightful one-liner, “I never disrobe before a gun fight.”

But as always, leave it to the Japanese to one-up us yet again. After the jump, in this new trailer for Yakuza Weapon, a character has sex with a sex doll whose head detaches, revealing a machine gun that he uses to kill everyone while he’s having sex with it. Penetration, meet perforation. Uhhhh, Coitus… ShootEmUpCus? (*sigh*) I guess I won’t be needing these. (*tosses sunglasses in trash*)

Your move, Robert Rodriguez.  I guess your little penis gun from Dusk Till Dawn looks pretty stupid now, doesn’t it.  Sorry, I’m exaggerating.  It was always pretty stupid.

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Hot lady robot sucking on a sausage

02.01.11 Written by Vince Mancini

Sausage-sucking-sexbotAnd now, a sex robot sucking on a sausage.  Do not click on this unless you want to be severely disturbed.  Last I checked, that included oh… all of you.  You’re already watching it, aren’t you.  Crazy, right?  I like how the video says “You can imagine what else she likes to suck on!”  Gosh, are you sure I can, Sexbot video?  I’m not very creative!  I hope this isn’t an actual product, but a way to ferret out people who should be on the sex offender registry.  “Check out our new sausage-sucking sexbot!  She’s got three working orifices, including a fully-functional uncanny valley!”  And it has all the unblinking eyes and rigor mortis lips to which I’ve become accustomed?!  Hold the phone while I find my hooker-skinned wallet!  [Fark]

MORNING LINKS

Flowchart To Determine Your Star Wars Occupation. |Uproxx|

You know who else likes to say “literally” a lot?  The Google CEO. (On the plus side, he seems to use it correctly…) |TheDailyWhat|

Who Stole The Corpse Of An Italian Game Show Host? |UproxxNews|

And here’s a sweet brawl inside a McDonald’s. |BostonBarstoolSports|

Culture Clash: Baby Sloths vs. Classic Literature. |Uproxx|

The 10 Worst Shows to Be Top-20 Hits. |WarmingGlow|

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GOD HATES ILLINOIS NAZIS TOO ;-(

09.17.09 Written by Vince Mancini

Henry Gibson, leader of the Illinois Nazis in Blues Brothers, the creepy neighbor in The Burbs, original member of Laugh-In, apparently at some point a Ferengi, and most commonly known as “you know, that guy from that one movie”, is dead at age 73.  Cancer again.

Gibson’s breakthrough came in 1968 when he was cast as a member of the original ensemble of NBC’s top-rated “Laugh-In,” on which he performed for three seasons. Each week, a giant flower in his hand, he recited a signature poem, introducing them with the catch phrase that became his signature: “A Poem, by Henry Gibson.”
After “Laugh-In,” he played the evil Dr. Verringer in “The Long Goodbye” (1973), the first of four films in which he appeared for director Robert Altman. Their second collaboration came in “Nashville” (1975), in which Gibson earned a Golden Globe nomination and a National Society of Film Critics supporting-actor award for his performance as unctuous country singer Haven Hamilton. He also wrote his character’s songs.
Born James Bateman in Germantown, Pa., on Sept. 21, 1935, Gibson began acting professionally at age 8. After graduating from Catholic University, he served in France from 1957-60 as an intelligence officer with the Air Force, then studied at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts in London.
Back in New York, the actor developed the comic persona of “Henry Gibson” (a pun on the name of playwright Henrik Ibsen), a humble, wide-eyed poet laureate from Fairhope, Ala. [THR]

I know we’re all mourning right now, but take solace in the fact that Gibson’s memory will live on forever in my heart, which I eventually plan on transplanting into an indestructible sexbot, whose exploits will be the envy of the entire galaxy for all eternity.  In the name of the father, the son, and the holy sexbot, amen.
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