"Ooh, but what are you wearing UNDER your gym shorts?"

Jeffrey Jones, best known as Principal Rooney in Ferris Bueller, turned 64 today, and also pleaded guilty to violating the terms of his previous conviction as a sex offender.  It turns out he sodomized a child, NINE TIMES.  I kid, I kid.  Er, I mean I was joking.  About the child sodomy, I mean.

TMZ has learned Jones appeared in L.A. County Superior Court — where he pled guilty to the charge of failing to update his sex offender registration.
As you may know, back in 2003 Jones pled no contest to paying a minor for the purpose of taking sexually explicit photos [to be fair, it doesn't sound like he ever actually molested anyone, or intended to]… and was required to register annually as a sex offender.  But last year, dude blew off his obligation and was later arrested.
Now, after entering a guilty plea, Jones has been sentenced to 3 years formal probation and must complete 250 hours of community service in a roadside clean-up program.

“Grace, I don’t trust this kid any further than I can blow him. Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls, giving me an erection. He jeopardizes my ability to effectively “govern” (*mimes BJ*) the student body.”

“He makes you look at his ass, is what he does, Ed.”

Thanks to the magic of the internet, we have this screen shot from a Robert Pattinson fan site and the ads Google chose to accompany it, which all deal with sex offenders.  Cute.  But, logically, would sex offenders really be looking for other sex offenders?  I don’t think they party like that.  …From what I’ve heard.  In fact, as far as target audience goes, I think cat products would’ve been a better sell.  Oh, and as for the site name, “spunk-ransom“, that apparently came from an interview in which Robert Pattinson said he hated his name, and if he could choose a new one, it’d be “Spunk Ransom.”  Uh, does that mean the same thing in British?  Because in American that means holding another man’s jizz.  Or the price you’d pay for a another man’s jizz.  Not that there’s, uh, anything wrong with that. Read the rest of this entry »