Not surprisingly, Sex and the City took the top spot at the box office (insert double entendre here) this week, doubling many early predictions with a $55.7 million domestic gross.  The fashion porn edged out Indiana Jones, which grossed $46 milion (even with a steep 54% Friday-Sunday drop), while the Strangers did better than expected at $20.7 million.

[Sex and the City's] performance sparked immediate talk of a new film franchise’s birth after the best-ever bow for a romantic comedy or an R-rated comedy of any sort.

Hey, uh, great job on the box office win and all?  But I think I speak for everyone when I say that this franchise is well past child-bearing age.  At this point, we don’t even want to think about what it had to do to conceive.  Eww, icky!

OPENING THIS WEEKEND

Sex in the City
The reviews haven’t been so hot (and shockingly, there seems to be a gender divide).  Like it matters, you’re either going to see it or you’re not, and you probably knew the answer months ago.  One thing’s for certain though – if you used the term "Manolo Blahnik" at any point during your media coverage or review, congratulations on being an unoriginal queefstick.

The Strangers
"Inspired by a true story," they say. The story?  "The movie is inspired by an event from the director, Bryan Bertino’s, childhood. A stranger came to his home asking for someone. Later, he found out that empty homes in the neighborhood had been robbed. With that memory in mind, Bertino created this, his debut screenplay."  I don’t know who gets killed in the movie, but the meaning of a phrase got killed during marketing.  

Bigger Stronger Faster*
WithLeather had the review on this earlier this week.  It’s also tracking 100% recommended on RottenTomatoes, out of 24 reviews, which I think is good.  People often ask me if I’m on steroids, but sadly, my nuts have always looked like this. 

Personally, I think the picture and headline at left need no additional explanation.  But for you apple polishers out there:

    Organizers of [Sex and the City's New York premiere] event overbooked the 6,000-seat 6th Ave. music hall, leaving bounced fans fuming, some in their Manolo Blahniks [a type of foot covering popular amongst the wealthy and vacuous -Ed.].
    The mostly female crowd surged against police barricades, cursing and stomping in their stilettoes at the cruel turn of events.
    Security officials said up to 2,000 people who had gotten tickets through promotional giveaways authorized by movie studio New Line Cinema were shut out of the 7:30 p.m. screening.
    "They gave out all these tickets just to make a big scene. It’s not right. It’s not fair. I’m very disappointed," said Heather Dispresso, 20, of Long Island who had waited in line for three hours only to be turned away. [NY Daily News]

Yes, it’s unfair when people make big scenes over nothing, isn’t it, Heather. But look on the bright side, it’s better than having the movie turn you into a huge whore and then converting to mormonism.  Elsewhere:

    "I’ve spent five months looking forward to this. I’m angry and frustrated," said Jen Ferguson, 23, of British Columbia, Canada, who was decked out in a black Heve Leger bandage dress and blue satin Louboutin heels.
    Ferguson’s parents bought four tickets for $1,000 from a luxury concierge service, and booked rooms for the family at the Plaza Hotel.

I read in the Bible that every time a rich stupid yuppie cries, an angel gets its wings.

Is it wrong to assume this is God making amends for a Fred Durst movie, an Adam Sandler Lifetime Achievement Award, and Bret Ratner directing Beverly Hills Cop all in the same day?  I’m gonna go ahead and say yes. 

Oh yeah, I also hear the movie sucks. 

Thanks to Stinky Peet for the tip 

Bummed about the video in that last post not working? Sorry about that… Anyway, cheer up because I’ve got way more Sex and the City parodies where that came from.  Check out Sixes in the City above, and Sex and the Cyclopcity after the jump.

Boy, I sure can’t wait to see twelve hundred more of these.  If they somehow incorporated the Tom Cruise Scientology speech and I’m F-ing Somebody into one of them it might destroy the internet as we know it. 

…For porn.

Gigglesugar today has this parody of Sex and the City, entitled Flex and the City, starring four bodybuilders who read actual dialogue from a Sex and the City episode.  It’s not what I’d call funny exactly, and it’s definitely not as cute as a kitty petting a doggy, but there’s something strangely mesmerizing about it.

I was debating who I’d rather be forced to have sex with, one of these chicks or one of the original Sex and the City chicks, and then I remembered what their clits would probably look like (just scroll down for the NWS image that will be forever etched into your subconscious).