I don’t usually like to cover the Razzies, because I’m kind of opposed to them in spirit.  There are a thousand terrible movies that come out every year, and even limiting it to just major-release films, there’s no way the Razzie voters saw even half of them, which means the awards basically come down to what’s most popular to hate, and there’s something vaguely icky and Seltzer-Friedbergian about that to me. That said, they did choose The Last Airbender as the year’s worst movie, and I have a hard time imagining anything worse (and I saw Big Momma’s House 3 last week).

“Winners” were determined by mailing ballots to 637 voters in 46 U.S. states and 17 foreign countries. Electronic voting and certification of this year’s Final RAZZIE® Ballot was handled by Vote-Now.com.

Like I said, there’s no real rhyme or reason, it’s just a People’s Choice Awards in reverse.

Worst Picture Winner 2010
The Last Airbender

Worst Actor Winner 2010
Ashton Kutcher (Killers and Valentine’s Day)

I’m sure both of those movies are terrible and I wouldn’t mind seeing Ashton Kutcher get kicked in the nuts by a donkey, but was he really the worst actor?  The answer of course is no, Paul Walker had a movie out last year.

Worst Actress Winner 2010
Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis & Cynthia Nixon (Sex and the City 2)

Worst Supporting Actor Winner 2010
Jackson Rathbone (The Last Airbender and Twilight Saga: Eclipse)

Jackson Rathbone might be a terrible actor, but it’s hard to tell.  DeNiro would look like an idiot too if he had to wear outfits like these:

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Now that Hollywood has like 10 separate Wizard of Oz-related projects in development, it’s a perfect time for FourFour‘s supercut of characters using some variation of the “We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto” line.  What’s perhaps most impressive is what an awful, sh*tty, cheesy line of dialog it remains, across all genre and media (of course it showed up in Sex and the City 2).  For one thing, I hate how it implies Toto is the ignorant one, to whom things need to be explained.  Bitch, I’m pretty sure Toto knows.  He’s blessed the rains down in Africa.

I know, I know, I’m going to hell for that pun.

BONUS SUPERCUT: Here’s “He Didn’t Make It” from HuffPo:

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Overall, this weekend’s box office was down 28% from the same weekend last year, and I hope the conclusion film execs draw from this is “hey, maybe we should make better movies.”  Consider that the top seven films consisted of: the third sequel to a kid’s movie, another sequel, a rip off of at least five other films from the last five years starring Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl, a movie based on a video game, a sequel to a movie based on a TV show based on a book, a movie based on an unfunny one-frame comic strip, and a sequel to a movie based on a comic book, respectively.  Er, disrespectively.

The specifics (full top ten after the jump): Shrek Forever After landed on top for the second weekend in a row with $25.3 million.  Get Him to the Greek did decent business at $17.4 million (I saw it, it wasn’t life-changing, but pretty funny), Killers landed just behind that, followed by Prince of Persia and SATC 2, which both suffered big, 50%+ drops from their first weekend.  Marmaduke opened all the way down at number six, with just $11.6 million, which is a nice bit of schadenfreude, but not quite justice.  I don’t think it’s hyperbole to say that whoever greenlit Marmaduke movie deserves to be homeless.  Ahh, but it wouldn’t be Box Office Wrap Up without some asinine, faux-scientific analysis.  How say you, BoxOfficeMojo?

Killers, wasn’t a disaster with an estimated $16.1 million on close to 3,300 screens at 2,859 venues, but it was less than the last two comparable movies The Bounty Hunter ($20.7 million) and Date Night ($25.2 million). While Killers was a commercial step backwards for lead actors Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher, it did speak to their bankability, considering that they were pretty much the only things going for the movie. Other than the use of the Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer,” Killers‘ advertising campaign was a nondescript blur and only conveyed that Kutcher’s character turns out to be a spy, followed by unexplained action. Killers was further hampered by its title: there was a dissonance between what the generic name “Killers” means and the marriage action-comedy presented in which only Kutcher is a killer.

So… it did less business than The Bounty Hunter and that somehow “speaks to the bankability” of Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher? How do you figure?  And of al the things wrong with that movie, you’re gonna bring up the f*cking title?  Well allow me to present a much more reasoned, thorough analysis. It’s a picture of a walrus blowing itself.

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It would’ve been virtually impossible to predict, but as it turns out, a weekend that opened with a fourth Shrek, a second Sex and the City, and a pastiche of tired Jerry Bruckheimer clichés didn’t exactly light people’s c*cks on fire.  In terms of attendance, it was the worst Memorial Day weekend since 1993, which of course opened with Pluto Nash Forever After.

Overall revenues for the top-50 films during the four-day holiday weekend came in at $192 million, the lowest since 2001. Factoring in today’s higher admission prices, about 24.2 million tickets were sold, the least since a 22.5 million head count in 1993.

Jake Gyllenhaal’s action tale “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” came in second with $37.8 million. Sarah Jessica Parker’s “Sex and the City 2,” which many thought would debut at No. 1, wound up in third with $36.8 million.

“When you have a Memorial Day weekend down this much, it just tells me the movies in the marketplace are just not grabbing people the way they have in past years,” said Paul Dergarabedian, box-office analyst for Hollywood.com.  [AP]

Wow, that’s a bold statement, Paul.  Good thing we have a “box-office analyst” to clear things up for us.  Lower attendance = less interest from the marketplace?  Who knew!  I would’ve thought lower attendance = sandwich.  Mmm, sandwich. ANYWAY, the silver lining in all this is that the flaccid sequel showings so far could softify Hollywood’s formerly stiff boner for superfluous sequels.  Penis.

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I give up.  I’ll never write a movie review as funny as Lindy West of The Stranger and her review of Sex and the City 2.  I’ll give you only two small snippets.

- Samantha’s vagina is doing fine. She rubs yams on it, okay? She takes 48 vagina vitamins a day. It accepts unlimited male penises with the greatest of ease. Now let us never speak of it again.

- Each woman is immediately assigned an extra from Disney’s Aladdin to spoon-feed her warm cinnamon milk in their $22,000-per-night hotel suite. Things seem to be going great. But very quickly, the SATC brain trust notices that it’s not all swarthy man-slaves and flying carpets in Abu Dhabi! In fact, Abu Dhabi is crawling with Muslim women—and not one of them is dressed like a super-liberated diamond-encrusted f*cking clown!!! Oppression! OPPRESSION!!!

Look, just read it.  Trust me.

-Thanks to Drew for the tip