What used to be Comments of the Week is now “Comments of However Long It Takes Me to Have a Free Sunday Night.” Update your planners accordingly. But seriously, I apologize for not being as regular with this feature as I’d like, and to make up for it, I’ve got a DVD to give away to the winner this week, PLUS, another to sweeten the deal for next week. Both DVDs look badass, and I say that as a person who can’t stop staring at the poster lady’s bewbs. For those of you snobs who need more to make a decision than a sexy cartoon boob lady, I’ve got trailers and box art after the jump. Both films (Ashanti and Wild Geese) are currently available for purchase at Severin-Film.com.

Okay, first up, before we get to the winner, it’s our Weekly Weirdo Wrap-Up. In the course of running this site, I’ve noticed that three topics bring out the kooks above all others: Steven Seagal, Tom Cruise, and Hugh Jackman. Not that anyone who’d defend any of these celebrities in a comments section is a weirdo, it’s just the particular brand of defender these ones spawn. Trust me, you’ll see.

From Steven Seagal is doing a movie with Anderson Silva:

Rhonda63640: I’m waiting for the day I see any of you guys come out from behind your computer and stand face to face with Seagal and Silva and talk this shit to their face. Meanwhile, just keep hiding behind your fake names, and be the little chicken shits you are. I’m laughing at you, not with you.

At first I thought her weird screen name might be spam, but at this point, Rhonda 63640 is practically family.

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Our friend Evan Husney from Severin films has an eye for obscure 80s trash and sleaze the likes of which has no equal (see also: the special-needs transvestite cocaine dance party, Nicole Kidman’s lost BMX film, the world’s most sensual pool hall), and his latest contribution is this clip from Sledgehammer, which Severin is releasing through their intervision sub-label on Tuesday (order here).  I’ve got three copies of the DVD to giveaway to anyone who can answer the question after the jump.  First, the rundown:

Severin Films today announced an agreement with the estate of Larry Gold, Sr. to handle all future production and marketing for Intervision Picture Corporation. The arrangement commences with the 5/10 release of 1983’s SLEDGEHAMMER, notorious as the first shot-on-tape ‘slasher’ thriller for the then-exploding home video market. Gold, a pioneer of ‘70s film distribution and ‘80s genre VHS, died in March following a massive coronary at his home in Thailand.

The 5/10 release of SLEDGEHAMMER marks the return of director David A. Prior’s bizarre video shocker, which was celebrated as part of Los Angeles’ Cinefamily ‘Homemade Horror’ series and will be screened on street-date at Austin’s Alamo Drafthouse. Future Intervision releases include the 1989 ‘Canuxploitaion’ oddity THINGS and 1993’s disturbing THE SECRET LIFE: JEFFREY DAHMER.

I’ve got a clip below, and like everything Evan sends me, including pictures of his peen, it will probably give me nightmares.

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On March 15th, Severin Films is releasing on DVD and Blu-Ray the 1983 cult classic BMX Bandits, which was basically the Surf Ninjas of its time. It was a film about stolen walk-talkies, radical bike tricks, and 80s synth-pop singalongs. But best of all, it starred a 16-year-old future Oscar winner in Nicole Kidman.  (For an added bit of trivia, it was directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith, director of Turkey Shoot, one of the most awesomely-terrible exploitation films you will ever see).

Here we see a 16-year-old Kidman, rocking a poodle perm and painted one-piece, looking like the flyest Fly Girl at Jazzercise (don’t laugh, that’s how you were conceived), discussing her role in the film.  She then introduces a clip which seems to pre-date the “BMX Joust” segment on Jackass by almost 20 years.  And if that weren’t radical enough, after that there’s a sing-along segment.  To be honest, I’m not sure whether it’s part of the film clip or just part of the show she’s on.  All I know is that the “singing kids wearing helmets” reaction shots are SIMPLY. AMAZING.  My God, they’re so wholesome, and so retarded-looking.  They’re like the special-ed tabernacle choir.

I wonder where they are now.  Probably dead.  Dingos got em.

The guys who brought you the Down syndrome cocaine tranny dance party are making a teen sex comedy.  You better believe I would watch that.

MORNING LINKS

Strokes Of Genius: 20 Famous Works Of Art Given A Modern Update. |Uproxx|

The honey badger with a sassy gay narrator is one of my favorite things in a while. |WarmingGlow|

Meet the nerd Fight Club of Silicon Valley. |GammaSquad|

Yikes. Now that‘s a racist description of Oprah. |TheDailyWhat|

Indian mattress ad references Tiger Woods dreaming of sluts. |WithLeather|

Midnight gifs. |HolyTaco|

Here’s more pictures of ducklings than you could shake a stick at. |Buzzfeed|

Holy crap, I would kill the president if this baby antelope told me to. |BostonBarstoolSports|

A history of Bieber hair in Hollywood |NextMovie|

Ricky Gervais wants Will Arnett in The Office. |ScreenJunkies|

Bobby Ratay models her favorite hand bra. |GorillaMask|

Vanessa Hudges gets undressed for Details. |WWTDD|

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Evan from Severin Films has come through with yet another awesome, EXCLUSIVE clip for us to enjoy, this time from Alexander Jodorowsky’s Santa Sangre.  I’d never heard of that person or that film before today, but now that I have, it’s like discovering my dad’s Playgirls Playboys.

Allow me to recap: a greasy Latin man finds some special needs kids at a movie theater, where he gives them all cocaine and takes them to a tranny dance party.  That’s not all, but I won’t spoil the ending.  Basically, it’s like if Charlie Sheen was a special ed teacher.  (Holy crap, someone write that idea down).

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