Is that logo… a statue on top of a pile of dog poop?

I don’t remember much of the Oscars after the first 10 minutes because of my dumb drinking game rule about trying to drink every time Seth MacFarlane sang a show tune, but I gather there was some controversy? His “I Saw Your Boobs” song didn’t keep him from being invited back by producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron, much to the chagrin of the chagrinners, but as of today, MacFarlane has turned down the opportunity (no word on whether he did it in his Stewie voice).

MacFarlane’s decline, via his Twitter, reportedly comes as a result of the ever-interfering “scheduling issues.”

Traumatized critics exhale: I’m unable to do the Oscars again. Tried to make it work schedule-wise, but I need sleep.However, I highly–>

— Seth MacFarlane (@SethMacFarlane) May 20, 2013

–> recommend the job, as Zadan and Meron are two of the most talented producers in the business. My suggestion for host is Joaquin Phoenix.

— Seth MacFarlane (@SethMacFarlane) May 20, 2013

Wait, was that a reference to Joaquin Phoenix’s much-publicized, “I don’t want this carrot” rejection of all things Oscar, or was it an outdated reference to his pants-pooping rap shtick? I would think it’s the first, but that doesn’t seem broad enough for Seth MacFarlane. Hmmm, could you redo this in the form of a cutaway and throw in an Alf reference?

Anyway, Oscars host is a thankless job, and no matter how well you do everyone says you sucked. I was sort of lukewarm on Seth MacFarlane before the Oscars and remained so afterwards. I look at Seth MacFarlane about the same way as I do religion – the less I watch of his shows, the easier it is for me to think he’s an okay dude.

What do you think, Joaquin Phoenix?

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One of my top ten creepiest Photoshops, easily.

Seth MacFarlane was back in the news again over the weekend, when his Oscar producers came out in support of his “We Saw Your Boobs” song, but that non-story gets all of the snooze emoticons if you ask me. Today comes the news that Sarah Silverman is in talks to play a prostitute in a western co-written, directed by, and starring Seth MacFarlane. …Wait, what?

MRC is behind the movie, which boasts a cast that so far includes Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Amanda Seyfried, and Giovanni Ribisi. MacFarlane, whose Ted grossed $545.8 million worldwide, co-wrote the script and is directing and starring.

A Million Ways to Die in the West follows a cowardly sheep farmer (MacFarlane) who chickens out of a gunfight and sees his girlfriend (Seyfried) leave him for another man. When a mysterious woman (Theron) rides into town, she helps him find his courage. But when her outlaw husband (Neeson) arrives seeking revenge, the farmer must put his newfound courage to the test.

I call it a female-driven, Old West Hitch with an action element and a revenge angle. GREENLIGHT IT YESTERDAY! FETCH MY COCAINE! Man, I wonder if there’ll be any jokes about him having sex with the sheep.

Sources say Silverman would play the town’s well-worn prostitute, who engages in all sorts of lewd activities but refuses to have sex with her fiancé (Ribisi), believing that as Christians the couple should wait until marriage before lying down together. [THR]

My, that sounds wacky. I’m in, but only if there will be musical numbers. Do you think there will be any musical numbers? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Probably the easiest criticism of Seth MacFarlane’s “sexist” “Why couldn’t the song have been about men?

To that end, flowy-locked New York software developer Kevin Gisi has released his own gender-swapped version of “We Saw Your Boobs,” called “We Saw Your Junk.” If I had one criticism of this, it’s that he doesn’t use Harvey Keitel for the breakdown. Come on! If ever there was a male Kate Winslet, it’s Harvey Keitel. Harvey Keitel’s penis has been in The Piano (which he mentions), Bad Lieutenant, and Ulysses’ Gaze, and those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. I’m sure Harvey Keitel’s penis has been a bunch of places, places I can’t even imagine.

If I had a second criticism of this, it would be WHY ISN’T A WOMYN SINGING IT, HUH? Is it because Kevin Gisi doesn’t think women are funny? Is it because he thinks women can’t sing? Oh yeah, nice one, dude, I guess you’ve never heard of Taylor Swift or Aretha Franklin. If a woman sang this, YouTube would probably only pay her 70% of a man’s ad-sharing, because that’s the world we live in. That’s the reality. Kevin Gisi is probably some jock redneck who thinks women should just stay in the kitchen baking and popping out babies and not singing, and it’s just such typical bullshit that a white man has co-opted female culture and silenced women of color and stolen the voice of the disenfranchised yet again. I mean look at his hair! What’s that about? Is he mocking women? How is this any different from blackface? This whole video is like cultural rape. At the very least, it’s promoting a culture of cultural rape. Shame on you, Kevin, you bully rapist.

[AV Club]

So earlier today, I had this whole post written about how wonderful Jennifer Lawrence’s reaction (above) was to Seth MacFarlane’s “I Saw Your Boobs” song (video below). The pictured reaction came after the line “…and we haven’t seen Jennifer Lawrence’s boobs at all.”

I noticed she was wearing a different dress than when she accepted her award, but I guess I’m dumb because I didn’t put it together that all the reactions to the song had been pre-recorded (a point on which most news outlets seem to agree). That it was pre-recorded makes sense, because I doubt rights issues would allow them to just splice in footage from other awards shows. I thought it was just another example of Jennifer Lawrence being wonderful in my 15th or so post on the subject, but it turns out it was just Jennifer Lawrence acting like Jennifer Lawrence being wonderful. At which she was wonderful. Mea culpa. Charlize Theron and Naomi Watts also played along:

Caryn James of Indiewire paints the live reactions as less rosy:

The live audience did not seem amused. Kathryn Bigelow and Helen Hunt were especially stony-faced.

Though take that with a grain of salt, as it comes in a longer piece about how much James hated MacFarlane as a host. I’m sure there were a couple laughs in there as well.

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Even though I have half a mind to boycott the whole thing on account of Matthew McConaughey’s historic snub, we’re still a movie site, so we’ll be around tonight for an Oscars live discussion. Did awards shows even exist before live blogs?? Discuss. Anyway, the show starts at 5:30 PT/8:30 ET, so set your pocket watches and microwave clocks, and check back here for heated discussions and virtual guacamole. Did you know “Ted” is going to be a presenter?? This night is going to be wacky!

If you want to make things interesting, there’s also our Oscars night drinking game, which we of course cannot condone, promote, or sanction in any way. Seriously though, have fun, but don’t fall off the wagon on account of the freakin’ Oscars. And remember, don’t feel too bad for the losers, their children

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