IGN just debuted a new pair of posters (full versions below) for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, the adaptation of the book by Seth Grahame-Smith (the guy who wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and War and Peace and Lesbians or whatever) from Wanted director Timur Bekmambetov (the hardest working Kazakhstani in Hollywood).

Scheduled to hit theaters on June 22, 2012, stars Benjamin Walker [as Lincoln], Dominic Cooper, Anthony Mackie, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Jimmi Simpson, Robin McLeavy, Alan Tudyk and Rufus Sewell. [IGN]

Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve mentioned the planned adaptation of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (by Pride and Prejudice and Zombies author Seth Grahame-Smith) a few times now, but today’s news is that Fox has “won” a bidding war for the project.  It will be in 3D (duh) with Wanted‘s Timur Bekmambetov directing, Tim Burton producing, and a $69 million budget.  Grahame-Smith will write the script.  So, how did Fox manage to secure this surefire hit?  By colossal tools, apparently.

Fox went all out to win rights to the project, giving a detailed pitch for the film’s production, marketing, and release.  Studio higher-ups didn’t stop there.  When the filmmakers entered the Fox lot, they were greeted by a huge banner, plus parking signs stating, “Parking for Vampire Hunters Only, Park at your own risk.”

A banner and fake, personalized street signs?  Well la di dah.  Suddenly my birthday trip to the county fair when I was six doesn’t seem so hot.

Next there were bloody footprints lining the walkway and steps leading from their cars to the meeting with Fox execs.  Posters lining the hallway of the executive building showed images from the book and lines from the script, while there were silver bullets in a bowl at the check-in desk.

“I see you’ve read enough of my book to make photocopies, yet not enough to know that silver bullets kill werewolves, not vampires.  Very impressive.”

The showmanship continued.  Bloody axes were strewn about and a bugle player with a Confederate uniform played “Taps.”  [Variety]

And as they were about to leave, Fox presented the filmmakers with a scrapbook of their meeting, featuring a polaroid-filled photo album with “Best Friends Forever!” written on the cover in puffy paint.  Christ, this whole article gives me major douche chills. But let’s take a step back.  What exactly did Fox secure the rights to again?

Read the rest of this entry »

Tim Burton and Wanted‘s Timur Blackmambetov (that’s what I call him anyway) today announced that they’ve bought the rights to Seth Grahame-Smith’s book, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.  He’s the same guy who wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which was earlier optioned by Natalie Portman with David O. Russell in talks to direct.  Between his twee hyphen name and the fact that every NPR-loving Rachel Maddow fan thinks this gimmick is the funniest thing ever, it’s tempting to hate the guy.  But I admit I haven’t read his books; it’s possible they’re really funny.  That’s what makes hipsters even worse, sometimes they’re right.

Moreover, this seemed like a good excuse to post the trailer for 2001′s Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.  Jesus and Abe Lincoln have a lot in common when you think about it.  They’re both skinny, have sweet beards, and freed slaves.  Wait no, that was Moses, wasn’t it.  Well anyway, Jesus brought everyone wine and made sandwiches.  Then when he showed up, all the Jews were like, “Well this is simply divine!”

Shut up, I was already leaving.

Thanks to Jlichman for reminding me of that movie

(this clip has lots of swearing)

According to Pajiba‘s sources, director David O. Russell (the O stands for oh no he called me a cunt again) will be directing Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which recently picked up Natalie Portman for the lead.

Today, we learned from a very reliable (and handsome) inside source familiar with the project that Pride and Prejudice and Zombies has found itself a director in the form of the temperamental directing genius, David O. Russell (Three Kings, I Heart Huckabees), who is finishing a deal to come aboard. Russell will also adapt.

I’ve always liked David O. Russell’s movies, though I realize they’re an acquired taste.  That said, everything about this project is annoying and twee, and hiring the twee-est director this side of Wes Anderson certainly doesn’t change that.  Singing: David Russell and Seth Grahame-Smith, sitting in a twee.  Oh God it’s contagious.  Anyway, Jane Austen adaptations are sh-tty and played out, so I don’t see how putting something even sh-ttier and more played out is really going to help things.  It’s like taking some poop and smearing more poop on it.  And no one wants that, except for the Germans.

(Pride and Predator)

Natalie Portman has signed on to star in and produce Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, a book that you should’ve thought of but Seth Grahame-Smith and his gay hyphen name did instead.

Though Austen’s name is on the book, Grahame-Smith took the liberty of adding bloodthirsty flesh-eating zombies to the mix.  Described as an expanded version of the Austen classic, the book tells the timeless story of a woman’s quest for love and independence amid the outbreak of a deadly virus that turns the undead into vicious killers.
Portman will play feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet, who is distracted from her quest to eradicate the zombie menace by the arrival of the arrogant Mr. Darcy. Darko [the studio producing] just released “The Box,” “World’s Greatest Dad” and “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.” [Variety]

I don’t know what it is, but something about this project bugs me. It’s easy to forget that it’s mildly clever because I’m so annoyed with everyone thinking it’s really clever.  Big whoop, zombies are stupid.  Write Sense and Sensibility and Doggies with Bandanas Around Their Necks and then we’ll talk.