Looks like we have Arnold to blame for that Twins sequel

04.04.12 Written by Vince Mancini

As far as movie premises are concerned, the sequel to Twins (‘Triplets’) starring Eddie Murphy that we heard about last week is basically what happens when your idea shovel breaks through the bottom of the thought barrel and hits a rich vein of sediment made of dog shit and horse carcasses. If it sounded like an idiotic idea that someone tossed off casually and another group of idiots ran with, well that’s because that’s exactly what it was. Apparently ComingSoon heard about it straight from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s mulatto-loving mouth late last year (they were embargoed until recently), and it sounds as if it was all Arnold’s idea. OH, ARNOLD! (*humorous trombone, dog covers eyes, maid gets pregnant*)

“I would love to do another ‘Twins,’” Schwarzenegger said when asked if there were any past characters he’d like to revisit. “As a matter of fact, we’ve been talking about doing one and it’s called ‘Triplets.’ I’d find somebody like Eddie Murphy or someone that people would say, ‘How does that happen, medically speaking?’ and, ‘Physically, there’s no way!’ Then, somehow, we would explain it. That would be hilarious with what we know about someone like him.”

“I can see a poster,” the actor continued. “A billboard with us three. ‘They found another one!’ ‘Triplets!’ ‘Only their mother can tell them apart!’ I would do that in two seconds, because that’s real entertainment. You come out with that movie for Christmas, like December 5th or something like that, and you’re home free.”

Who knew the public was dumb enough that an idea like “a tall guy and a short guy are twins!” could entertain them for three-plus hours? (Get it? It’s silly!) Arnold Schwarzenegger, that’s who. It figures that he went into politics. Whenever people point out that we elected him governor, I can only chuckle uncomfortably and say “You should’ve seen the other guys!” while I point to Gary Coleman and a porn star.

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Your full plot breakdown of Step Up 4 based solely on the trailer

03.30.12 Written by Vince Mancini

Well this is amazing. After three movies, the Step Up franchise, or as I like to think of it, the house that C-Tates built, is still going strong. The latest installment (previously called Step Up 4Ever) just released a trailer. It’s called “Step Up: Revolution,” and I swear to you this is the actual tagline: “It’s not just a step, it’s a revolution!” Basically, the plot is that Miami’s hottest all-white dance crew is busy setting the town on fire with their unzipped hoodies and sex appeal. One day they go to where the minorities hang out in order to build up the street cred, and a wise old Cuban man is all like, “Mira, ju putos son pretty goo for gringos. Ju okay by me, mang. Here, let me teach ju the handchake of my people.”

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Paranormal Whacktivity: Project X Is Getting A Sequel

03.07.12 Written by Burnsy

"THIS TIME... THE GIRLS FACE THE OTHER WAY."

Michael Bacall is about to be the hottest name in Hollywood’s comedy writing circle, as the co-writer behind Project X and 21 Jump Street has already been locked in for the upcoming Tropic Thunder spinoff about Tom Cruise’s Les Grossman. Now, thanks to Project X earning $21 million at the box office this past weekend, Warner Bros. is exchanging a keg and keeping the tap by green-lighting a sequel to the “found footage” comedy about three nerds who throw a massive house party, with Bacall currently working on a treatment.

Man, he’s gonna make House Party 2 look like House Party 2!

Whether the treatment carries over to the script stage will depend on the producers, Todd Phillips and his Green Hat shingle and Joel Silver’s Silver Pictures. Bacall began work on the treatment several weeks before the movie opened. (Via the Hollywood Reporter)

I’d say that’s rather bold, but then so is thinking that a studio would ever be into a story about nerdy kids trying to become popular by throwing a wild party, all told from the perspective of someone’s video camera. Who would have thunk it?

So what about those nerdy kids? Are we gonna bring the Jr. Wolfpack back and catch up with their next round of dry-humpscapades?

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Jason Segel Has Bailed On The Muppets

03.06.12 Written by Burnsy

Suddenly... duck and roll.

A lot was made of Jason Segel playing the role of Jim Henson with last year’s The Muppets, but the finished product was a masterpiece that did a great deal of justice to the franchise that many of us grew up adoring and still openly fawn over despite how many girls it scares away at bars. Well now the old school cynics and naysayers can rest easy, because as Disney has announced plans to move forward with a Muppets sequel, Segel will have no part in it.

“It’s true but it’s totally amicable. My goal was to bring The Muppets back and I did that leaving them in very good hands, my writing partner and James Bobin the director. I did what I set out to do, and now I wanna pursue more human-related projects (laughs).”

“All I wanted to do was to set the stage for them to do whatever they wanted. I’m sure I’ll return in some capacity here and there, but that was half a decade of my life. Five years of hard work. I’m ready for a little puppet break.” (Via Collider)

Hilarious. You don’t just leave the Muppets behind. They’re a part of your life forever. In fact, here’s an idea for the sequel – the Muppets, scorned by their dear friend, decide that they will not be just forgotten by the man who stuck his hand up their backsides and then simply walked away. So they track down Segel on the set of his new film and they stalk him, ruining every relationship and opportunity that he has until he has no choice but to beg them for their forgiveness. Only then, as Segel is curled up in a puddle of his own tears, will the Muppets truly forgive him… by allowing Animal to feast on his flesh.

Or they could all sing “Together Again.” Either way, I’d be happy.

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21 Jump Street Is Already Getting A Sequel

03.01.12 Written by Burnsy

"Deuce, son."

The moderately-anticipated film version of 21 Jump Street doesn’t hit theaters until March 16, but word on the street and Twitters is that people have loved the comedic take on the iconic Fox TV show, and I know this because Channing Tatum Tweets about it nonstop. They should have never taught that mack daddy daddy mack how to access Twitter on his Boost Mobile LG Marquee.

If you’re like me, you’re concerned that the new GI Joe 2: Retaliation trailer makes it seem like Tatum’s character will be killed off early in the film (opinion, not spoiler alert), but thankfully that won’t be the case when he teams up with Jonah Hill again. That’s right, 21 Jump Street is already getting a sequel!

*holds for mild applause*

“We are writing the sequel now. We got [the greenlight] by the studio to start writing the sequel,” Hill told E!.

While some might say that greenlighting a 21 Jump Streetsequel prior to the movie’s national release might be a risky maneuver, there is nothing but optimism attached to the upcoming film. Early screenings of Jump Street SXSW were met with a ton of praise. Hill himself has gone on record to proclaim Jump Street on par with Superbad as among the two funniest movies he has ever done. (Via Hollywood.com)

Despite turning in his first strictly comedic performance in The Dilemma to limited complaints, people are still questioning whether or not our boy C-Tates can deliver full-time as a comedy star, and while I don’t get to see 21 Jump Street until next week, I can already attest that he already turned in one of the most hilarious scenes in any movie this year…

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