When it comes to doing more with less, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg could challenge Helen Keller. These two idiots have now written and directed five of their own parody movies (I’m not including the Scary Movies, where they were part of a team), none of which rated higher than 10% on rottentomatoes. In fact, only one rated higher than 5%. Everyone hates their movies, and for good reason – they’re f*cking terrible. And yet it seems to be working out for them. A few years ago, Aaron Seltzer was living in a $3 million house. I suspect the saving grace is that the only people who see their movies don’t know who they are and have outgrown them by the time their next movie comes out. They just sort of piggyback on a phenomenon and catch whatever money falls out.

Anyway, this week comes word that they’ll be turning their withering eye for satire on The Hunger Games. Hope you like epic pwnage, Hunger Games!

Spoof auteurs Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have come onboard to write and direct “The Starving Games,” with K5 selling its international rights at Cannes.

Though “The Hunger Games” will be front and center for many of the jokes, other pics to be pilloried include “The Avengers,” “Sherlock Holmes” and the finale of the “Harry Potter” franchise. Wild Bunch has already snapped up the German rights, and Falcon has taken the Middle East. [Variety]

“The Starving Games.” That’s all you really need to know about these jackasses. “Hunger Games” is already a perfectly adequate title for implying that the characters are starving, all they did was take what was already there and make it louder, because their audience wouldn’t understand anything unless it was shouted. HAHA, ONE FLEW OVER THE CRAZY’S NEST, GET IT? IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE SOMEONE’S DRESSED LIKE LINDSAY LOHAN!

If you pay money to see a Seltzer-Friedberg movie, you’re worse than Al-Qaeda.

Icon Entertainment has announced the existence of a new Seltzer-Friedberg movie (“The Biggest Movie of All Time 3-D”), and not a moment too soon.  I’m not sure how much longer I could’ve gone without seeing a Spike TV actor dressed like Snooki slip on a banana peel and fart.  Icon plans to sell distribution rights at Cannes, where I like to imagine them discussing the relative merits of Donald Trump with a bowl of spaghetti on his head over beluga caviar and magnums of Dom.  “Ahh yezz, my friend, but are you not forgeteen about zee farts?”

Meanwhile, the Variety article treats the project with the perfect use of Sarcastiquotes:

Yes, ‘movie’ indeed.  It just goes to show, Osama may be dead, but Al-Qaeda’s still recruiting.

The good news is that at least Vampires Suck wasn’t number one.  The bad news is, it was the top new release this weekend, earning $12.2 mil ($18 mil including Wednesday and Thursday) with an audience that was 72% under 21.  Scott Pilgrim, which opened about $2 million lower than Vampires Suck last weekend, fell off 52% (compared to 48 for Eat Pray Love) and dropped to number ten.  It’ll be out of theaters in a matter of weeks.  It’s made $20 mil so far on a $60 million budget.  Fingers crossed for DVD?  Oh hey look, a puppy died of cancer.

Vampires Suck is like that obvious joke anyone with a sense of humor skipped over. You just assume anyone with half a brain already put it together in their head a quarter second after they saw the first Twilight trailer.  A whole movie making fun of Twilight?  What’s the point?  It’s already funny on its own.  That left Seltzer-Freebird the only game in town.  “Awesome, dude, someone’s finally stickin’ it to Twilight!”  Idiots thought to themselves. All I’m saying is, it looks like we’re going to have to start playing dirty.  If people can get outraged over Janet Jackson’s nipple, can’t we boycott Fox for distributing these Al Qaeda recruitment videos?  Or at least start punching teenagers?  Please?  Come on, I really want to start punching teenagers.

Oh who am I kidding, we’ve already lost.  Tyra Banks will be elected President, and Heidi Montag will have to take over for Tila Tequila as speaker of the house when the Juggalo majority pelts her with rocks and poop and Brian Pumper CDs. It’s too late, we hit Idiocracy 500 years ahead of schedule.  This what happens when Antonio Cromartie and the Duggars contribute 37% of the total gene pool.

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Every time I post a story about the near-universally-reviled, turd-making duo Seltzer-Friedberg, the obvious question is: who the hell sees these movies?  Now, thanks to this video from the Vampires Suck premiere, we have some idea. This is my favorite screen cap of at least the last six hours.

Dammit, Dad, what’d I tell you about borrowing my Fozzy Bear beanie?  Ugh, you’re gonna get it all stretched out.

Jeez, this is the worst Gwar tribute show I’ve ever been to.  I’m not sure they’ve even seen the original.

It was cool of the PR firm to give this guy something to do. This way he gets to make a few bucks, and he doesn’t have to spend the rest of the day in the park trying to f*ck his mannequin.

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Wow, a Seltzer-Friedberg joint wasn’t good?  Who knew, huh?  I like how you can’t show a nipple on TV, yet Fox continues to distribute these guys’ movies without fear of a boycott.  I’d rather support Al-Qaeda.

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