Last time James Franco and Harmony Korine got together, they shot a film where James Franco BMX fights a bunch of naked gangster chicks (see above). If you’ll remember, that was for the same art show where Franco carved “BRAD RENFRO” into his arm. Now Variety says Franco and Korine are teaming up again for a film called “Spring Breakers,” starring Emma Roberts, Vanessa Hudgens, and Selena Gomez. That’s right, the queens of the Disney channel and the guy who did Trash Humpers. This positively reeks of dicknosery.

“Spring Breakers,” tells the story of four college girls who rob a restaurant to pay for their trip to the beach.
Roberts would play a Southerner who feeds off danger, while Gomez would play a religious girl. The rest of the group would include Hudgens [thanks, brilliant deduction there, Variety -Ed.]. Franco will co-star as a drug and arms dealer who bails them out of jail. [via Variety - Thanks to Larry for the tip]

The trip goes from bad to worse when Roberts falls in with a mysterious gay clown with cerebral palsy, and Gomez’s faith is tested by a botched abortion that leaves her addicted to heroin. Then, just when you least expect it…. DICKNOSE!

(*Vanessa Hudgens shoves Spaghettios up her vagina as a comment on consumerism, James Franco flies off in biplane cackling wildly, the bullwhip up his ass fluttering heroically in the breeze*)

Because you needed a reminder of why you’re a dick for giving your girlfriend cash on her birthday, pint-sized Canadian pop star Justin Bieber spoiled the bejesus out of his twin sister girlfriend Selena Gomez on Friday. For starters, Biebs took Gomez to her friend (and cutter) Demi Lovato’s concert at the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles, where they enjoyed her many hit songs such as “That One Song That Kids Like” and “Your Guess is as Good as Mine.”

But then J-Biebz, the inspiration for the world’s greatest Tumblr page (not counting my Miley Cyrus-inspired page, of course) turned the romance up a notch. He led Gomez to the Staples Center via a private tunnel, because he’s JUSTIN F*CKING BIEBER, and he revealed a table for two at center court, complete with steak dinners, because he’s JUSTIN F*CKING BIEBER.

The major date was inspired by a scene in the Adam Sandler flick “Mr. Deeds,” in which Sandler’s character surprises his date, Winona Ryder, with a date for two at Madison Square Garden. After the superstar couple’s meal, things got even more romantic when “Titanic” began playing on a screen in the arena.

(Via MTV)

Bieber also Tweeted a little advice to us losers who lack his mad skillz: “Romance isn’t dead. Treat your lady right fellas.” That’s right, bros and dudes, you should totes take advantage of your connections with arena owners and host ludicrous screenings of terribly overrated movies, because your woman expects it of you. Also, you should try to base all of your dates on awful Adam Sandler films and make sure you tell everyone that you wear girls jeans. Oh, and buy her a fake rack, too.

In reality, there’s only one thing a man should ever need to show his woman how much he loves her…

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One interesting phenomena of the movie business is that if you can get a star attached to a project, a studio will pay you, no matter how dumb or half-assed the pitch is, even if the entirety of your idea is a stick figure drawn on a napkin in lipstick under the words “time machine.”  Last week there was a six to seven-figure deal for Ryan Reynolds in drag.  Today, the star is Disney jailbait Selena Gomez.  The pitch?  An old sketch from Chappelle’s Show.  I’m not even exaggerating.

[The project]:
“New Line’s decided to find out “What Boys Want,” snapping up the comedy pitch by Amy Andelson and Emily Meyer and attaching teen star Selena Gomez to topline.  Story centers on a teenage girl who can hear what men are thinking.” [Variety]

[Dave Chappelle's intro to a sketch called "What Men Want"]:
“You ever see that movie, What Women Want, with Mel Gibson?  Where he could read women’s minds?  See that’s the kinda movie you could only do with a guy, like Mel Gibson.  You couldn’t do the opposite of that movie, What Men Want, because it’d be too gross, and disgusting.”

Now what the hell am I supposed to write?  Dave Chappelle already wrote the joke for this post five years ago.  The best part is, a stoned comedian took the idea a step further in a one-minute sketch than two writers did in a pitch they probably got paid a few hundred grand for.  The upside to making utterly forgettable movies is that you can just make them again a few years later and no one notices.