Last time I filled in for Vince, I did a post where I spent way, way (WAY) too much time dissecting the basketball scene from the cinematic classic 3 Ninjas. It seemed to go over well. So I’m back for another episode of “Scene Breakdown,” this time featuring the chase scene from the Nicolas Cage, Sean Connery, Michael Bay classic, The Rock.

The scene is embedded above, and after the jump I’ve screencapped some of my favorite moments to serve as discussion points. Full disclosure: I consider all three men listed above to be national treasures, even if Sean Connery isn’t technically American. If he can play an Irish cop in The Untouchables despite making no attempt to alter his Scottish accent, then dammit, I can claim him for us, too. USA! USA! USA!

So put your slideshow-pants on, and let’s get to it.
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(“She’sh really capshured the esshensh of how I shtalk my prey.”)

Sean Connery has been saying he’s retired from acting for the past few years, but that didn’t stop him from agreeing to voice the lead character in an upcoming independent CGI animated feature. And you just know it had to be something incredible to lure him out of retirement, right?

“Sir Billi” centers on a retired, skateboarding veterinarian who lives in a remote Scottish village and who spearheads the rescue of an illegal fugitive who also happens to be a beaver. [via THR]

I’m guessing the skateboarding veterinarian plans to try this case in Cool Court. Reached for comment, Connery said, “I jusht wanted to prove that you’re never too old to chashe beaver,” and slapped his wife across the face.

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The Daily Mail today has a story about how Sean Connery’s former friend’s estate is suing him for allegedly screwing the friend over on a loan deal.  The story’s pretty boring, but buried further down in it is the above picture of Sean and his wife, artist Micheline, and this lovely painting.  My question: does Sean Connery actually own a painting of himself creepily lurking behind a shirtless dude?  I shay, your shkin ish looking rather shmooth today. Do you like my ashcot?

I’m re-posting this clip in honor of Sean Connery’s birthday. As Sir Connery says of women, “Shometimesh they just like to have the lahsht waird.” And so often that word is “Ouchmyface.”

About the site, as you may have noticed, things are looking different now that we’ve switched to WordPress. That should mean we’ll be able to do, like, new, cool stuff, that we haven’t even, like, thought of yet and stuff. In the meantime, expect some hiccups as I get used to the new software. It’s like having sex with a new girl. You have to rub her different ways to get a feel for what she likes, and hope she’ll be okay with your whole “crying afterwards” thing.

One major difference you’ll notice is that the old “read the rest of this entry” part is a little different. That link will send you to a page with just the bottom half of a post, rather than just expanding the post so you see top and bottom like before. However, if you click the “comments” link, you’ll get the old top-and-bottom. Coincidentally, “Old Top and Bottom” was your mother’s nickname in the Navy.  …Oh, and the old system we had for Comments of the Week doesn’t really apply here.  We’re going to have to figure out a new way to do it.  I’ll keep you posted.

Question marks in the headline can mean only one thing: it’s time to prognosticate! Will humans land on Mars?  Is purple the new pink? Would this monkey let me squeeze her tits for a banana?  No one knows for sure, and that means we’re free to speculate wildly! Yee haw!

Sean Connery (that’s Sir Sean to you, pleb), who’d previously announced his retirement from acting, recently expressed interest in doing a cameo in the latest Bond movie (presumably meaning Casino Royale Quantum of Solace, which is currently in production).

He says, "I wouldn’t mind coming back as a Bond villain. But I don’t think they would pay me enough. "They don’t pay the money for other parts, only for the Bond character, although that wasn’t the case when I was doing it." [Source]

Connery added, "They alsho tell me you can’t schlap a women theege daysch.  I watched Jamesh Bond on the DVD, and he shavesh hisch bloody chesht.    The man’sh shupposhed to be an international playboy, not a bloody shyncronisched schwimmer.  I tell you, the whole world’sh gone faerie."  

"Thank you for your time," said the interviewer, whom Connery promptly slapped for attempting to have the lasht waird.  He’s tough but fair. 

[Thanks to nubile research assistant RoboPanda for the tip]