So according to this new Scientology commercial, Scientology is… shiny cars, kids on trampolines, true love, music, touchdowns, and chocolate. (couple more commercials after the jump) [via THRfeed]
I noticed an interesting phenomenon today. Accompanying nearly every blog or news article about Scarlett Johansson is a variation on the following comment:
Scarlett Johansson (actress) actually is a clone from original person,who has nothing with acting career.Clone was created from stolen biomaterial. Original Scarlett Galabekian last name is nice, CHRISTIAN young lady. Clones (not 1) made in GERMANY, leader manufacturer of humans clones, it’s in Ludwigshafen am Rhein,N.Bavaria,Mr.Helmut Kohl home town, they spreading globaly NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled,be careful get close you’ll be controlled too. Original family didn’t authorize activity with stolen biomaterials,it’s all should go to Cedars-Sinai MedCenter in LA.Controlling clones is US military operation. Original Scarlett wasnt engage, by the way.
You get all that? Scarlett Johannsson was actually cloned from stolen biomaterial from a nice, not engaged, Christian lady named Scarlett Galabekian (who sounds like she’d have a really hairy muff. …What? Just sayin). The comment is variously attributed to “Serge”, “Sergal”, or “Sergei”, but as the author is still anonymous, I’d like to be the first to take credit for it, just in case Michael Bay wants to buy the option.
The LA Times has uncovered an old mug shot of Mario Majorski, the brave samurai who died valiantly trying to protect Hollywood from Scientology the other day. They’ve also included some new details about his life:
Majorski was a church of Scientology member in good standing in 1993 when he and a classmate sued a psychiatry professor and UCLA.
The professor, Louis West, was an expert on brainwashing and an outspoken critic of Scientology, which he dismissed as a “pyramid scheme.”
Suits filed in state and federal court accused West of activities, including speaking to anti-cult groups, that transgressed the separation of church and state and interfered with Majorski’s practice of religion. Both suits were dismissed, and court records indicate that Majorski’s role was largely limited to providing his name as a plaintiff.Public records show a recent history of confrontation in both states. On Nov. 2, Majorski was arrested at a Mormon church service in Florence, Ore., the coastal town where he lived. A Florence police spokeswoman told the Associated Press that he was “cursing and moving around a lot” and was charged with disorderly conduct and criminal trespass. Less than a month ago, he was arrested in Florence for swinging an ax at an Auto Club employee who was bringing him gas for his car. Majorski threatened to shoot police who went to his home to investigate, according to a police report. He pleaded no contest to disorderly conduct.
Reached for comment, a spokesman expressed condolences for the victim’s family on behalf of the Scientology Centre. “It’s a senseless tragedy,” the spokesman said, “if he’d only paid us a few thousand more dollars, he’d be in heaven right now. Space heaven.”
A guard at Scientology’s Celebrity Centre in Hollywood heroically shot to death a sword-wielding intruder (no doubt under the influence of Thetans) on Sunday.
Police did not release the name of the guard or the man killed in the shooting, which occurred about noon. The tape showed the man arriving at the Celebrity Centre’s Bronson Avenue parking lot in a red convertible, getting out of the vehicle and approaching a trio of security guards and waving a sword in each hand, Hara said.
He said the man, who was described as being in his 40s, was “close enough to hurt them” when the guard fired. The man was taken to County-USC Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead.
Det. Wendi Berndt said the man was involved with the church “a long time ago.”
A teenager who saw the man arrive in the parking lot said he stopped the car abruptly in the driveway and climbed out with a 5-foot sword in his hand and an angry expression on his face. Tony Marquez, 17, said the man, who was bald and had tattoos on his arms, walked toward the building, then returned to the car to get the other sword. “I thought it was part of a show,” said Marquez, of Ontario.
The incident occurred at one of Hollywood’s most distinctive landmarks. Originally a luxury hotel, the eight-story building was built in the style of a 17th century French castle with a striking white facade and turrets that loom over the nearby Hollywood Freeway. [LA Times]
I’ll say this for Scientology, church would probably be a lot more fun if you could see an angry tattooed bald guy carrying samurai swords and immediately assume he’s part of the regular sermon. Though it doesn’t seem very sporting to build a castle in the middle of town and then when it gets attacked by a guy with a sword, you pull a gun on him. I mean, pour hot oil on the guy or shoot him with a crossbow, at least be consistent.
L. Ron Hubbard book picture source = Cracked
This is Jerry O’Connell doing a Tom Cruise impression. He makes fun of actors and the writer’s strike and stuff - it’s kinda funny. He’s also married to Rebecca Romijn. I just took a really satisfying dump so I guess you could say we’re both doing pretty well for ourselves.
Hey, remember Sliders? Now there was a show.
