The above parody of this Avengers promo poster comes from artist Kevin Bolk, who explains:

I couldn’t help but notice that in most of the ad material, the guys are all in heroic stances but Black Widow is almost always in an impractical, curved-spine “booty shot” pose. Figured I’d flip it around for my lady friends out there. Seemed only fair. Them’s some strong male characters, amirite?

The only problem with this theory is that no one seems to know whether the poster being parodied is official marketing material or just fan art. Scarlett Johansson’s ass is definitely sticking out in the official character banners, but you could make a similar argument as to why the male characters’ ‘heroic stances’ so frequently involve not wearing sleeves. Everyone’s objectified in their own way. Also, maybe if Black Widow had any powers besides jiu-jitsuing people, she might get a different pose. As a jiu-jitsu practitioner myself, I can confirm that at least 85% of jiu-jitsu involves distracting your opponent with your pert, rock-hard ass. Mainly, I just posted it because I can’t get enough of the look on the Hulk’s face. That’s the sassiest asshole spread I’ve ever seen, and I’d like to think I know what I’m talking about here.

(*casually crosses off “incorporate the phrase ‘sassy asshole spreading’ into a post” on to-do list*)

[ComicsBeat]

David Fincher’s take on Stieg Larsson’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo opens December 21st, and with Swedish-rape-crime fever just starting to heat up, the latest issue of Vogue has a feature on Rooney Mara, the actress who would be Lisbeth Salander. There are a few interesting tidbits in the article, including Fincher’s explanation of why Scarlett Johansson wouldn’t work as Lisbeth Salander, even though she’s Scandinavian (half Danish), and I think we all can agree she would’ve been a pretty great choice for that bare-tittie poster.

“We flew in people from New Zealand and Swaziland and all over the place,” he says. “Look, we saw some amazing people. Scarlett Johansson was great. It was a great audition, I’m telling you. But the thing with Scarlett is, you can’t wait for her to take her clothes off.” He stops for a moment. “I keep trying to explain this. Salander should be like E.T. If you put E.T. dolls out before anyone had seen the movie, they would say, ‘What is this little squishy thing?’ Well, you know what? When he hides under the table and he grabs the Reese’s Pieces, you love him! It has to be like that.”

“See, Scarlett Johansson is squishy. Gloriously squishy, like you can’t wait to get your hands on her. Rooney, she’s more like E.T. She gets naked and no one even notices unless she’s under a table trying to feed you Reese’s Pieces, you know?” Uh, cool story, David Fincher?

Meanwhile, I’d say Kirsten Dunst has been vindicated, at least in regard to her theory about her boobs being too big for Antichrist. I don’t know if I agree with her and Fincher that big-breasted actresses shouldn’t be cast in certain parts, but I will say this: fret not, voluptuous ladies. You’ll always get a fair shake when I’m around. (*mimes boob squeeze, bike horn sound*)

But that’s not the only interesting thing to come out of the profile. There’s also some stuff about rape and David Fincher as stern taskmaster. Hmmm, I made those two things sound much more related than I meant to.

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The first trailer for The Avengers is here and you know it’s a big deal because iTunes finally offered an embeddable video player (seriously, we’ve been waiting for this for like four years). Marvel’s great experiment in turning over their biggest project to Joss Whedon, a guy known mainly for cult shows that get cancelled before the mainstream ever sees them, stars Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Robert Downey Jr, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, and Mark “Ruffalo Bill” Ruffalo. I’ve never actually seen a Joss Whedon show, so this is particularly exciting for me.

First impressions: It looks like Loki from Thor is the villain, which is… odd. And the lighting looks really bright and even in every scene, like they’re shooting a superhero sitcom.

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As we all know, “bought a zoo” is a derogatory euphemism used to describe your dad on the day of your parents’ wedding. What most people don’t know is that We Bought a Zoo is also a new movie starring Matt Damon and famous naked chick Scarlett Johansson, from Cameron Crowe, the acclaimed director of Elizabethtown.

“The sellers say, you don’t really need any special knowledge to run a zoo. What you need is a lot of heart.”

Whoa, was that an actual line of dialog, or did Dear Abby queef? Anyway, the film is based on a memoir by Ben Mee about how he used his life savings to buy a dilapidated zoo in the English countryside. The fact that it’s based on a true story makes it a little better, because otherwise it looks like a weird hybrid of Kevin James vehicle and white Tyler Perry. But it’s Cameron Crow, so who knows. One thing is for certain, it won’t be the worst thing he’s ever done. No, I’m not talking about Elizabethtown. I mean when he made Kate Hudson famous.

Look out! He senses you're a rival!

[HD via Apple]

"Why you-a no eat Mama Mancini's meat-a-balls?"

The other day, our beloved Uproxxian colleague RoboPanda mentioned that a recent study revealed that people like movie and TV spoilers because they help them feel more familiar with the subject and ultimately make them easier to follow. If that is the case, this is the greatest summer of our lives because we can’t click the mouse twice without coming across spoilers, what with World War Z’s panic outbreaks and Anne Hathaway’s super tight Catwoman costume in The Dark Knight Rises. Hell, there’s even a rumor that Chris Nolan may be shooting spoiler scenes just to screw with us. Don’t tease our hunger, Chris!

But this is a movie blog and Vince has child support to pay, so we’re going to keep your spoiler pangs at bay. Today’s hot spoilers come in the form of more costume looks on the set of The Avengers. Aside from Scarlett Johansson’s racktastic Black Widow, there’s really nothing new here, but we couldn’t get past Chris Evans’ face.

Seriously, he’s so delightfully strange. Also, I included what may be my favorite Thor picture ever. Admittedly, I’ve never had a different favorite Thor picture, but this one is still pretty special.

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