Entertainment Tonight has been hard at work this week, sending not one, but two of their trained seals to the set of Iron Man 2, where they asked the stars the tough questions, like “How’s your diet going?” and “Why come you’re so pretty?” (There’s briefly a cool part at the 56-second mark where Whiplash cuts a Rolls Royce in half with his whips). They didn’t talk to Mickey Rourke, probably because if E.T. anchors get dog fur on their clothes they melt like the wicked witch, but they spent plenty of time with Gwyneth Paltrow, who we see as the only person on the set breathing into a gas mask. Probably because her lungs are more important than yours, they live in England, you know. She also had this to say:
“Pepper’s evolving a little bit in her look, you know, but she’s still rocking all the high heels. I can’t believe that I can put on a bathing suit, or wear these costumes that are tiny and short or whatever, and still feel good about myself!”
It’s true, Gwyneth, you’re so amazing! Come on, everyone, let’s build a Paltrow monument that you can see from space! It’s almost as if she has all day to exercise and have private chefs cook her healthy food while immigrants take care of her kids or something. Anyway, ScreenRant has a nice, spoilery breakdown of what clues to the Iron Man 2 plot this video may have revealed. You know, if you’re some kind of Schloimo Dorkowicz.
This new batch of new pictures from Iron Man 2 just hit the web, but since I don’t really like commenting on publicity stills, I brought in special FilmDrunk correspondent Terrence Howard to do it for me.
“Hey, man, solid. Since I was in Iron Man 1, lotta cats keep askin me what I ‘think’ about ‘Don Cheadle’ ‘replacin me, and am I ‘mad’ about it, and all that jive. Well dig this, man: sayin ‘Don Cheadle’ ‘replaced’ me, man, that’s, like… a matter of faulty perception. The consummation of obsolete cognitation, ya dig? See, because, man, when you get down to the root of it, we all of us made up of the same energy. The same forcefields that govern the universe, like bricks in a wind chime, man. He didn’t replace me, because we are the very same - Don Cheadle, me, the ocean, a go-kart, glaciers, my grandma’s piano, the ink on the contract I wouldn’t sign, Jesus Christ, and the dinosaurs, man. See, we all the same when you start diggin, ya dig, so ain’t no reason to palaver about who replaced who when we should be playin’ drums and smokin’ weed and makin’ love, man. Now sit tight while I scat a while: skib. skibbity BOP. Skibbity beep bop a-doodle plop, dweedly dweedly dweedly YOW!”
[via USA Today - and they've got a couple more than I included here so head your ass on over there if you wanna see them]
Entertainment Weekly has an Iron Man 2 cover story this month, and features the first pictures of Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow. It barely looks like her. Which is probably a good thing, since normally she looks less “action hero” than “girl who smokes a lot.” You’ll also notice she has red hair, because all chicks in superhero movies have to have red hair for some reason. That’s why when I have sex with redheads I like to shout “I’m a superhero!” at the point of orgasm*. Also, instead of fully undressing, I like to put my penis through the hole in the front of my Spider-Man underpants. Chicks love it. Ask around.
[via Cinematical]
*I meant my orgasms, of course. Everyone knows women don’t have orgasms.
Hot on the heels of Mickey Rourke’s reported signing to Iron Man 2, Scarlett Johansson has been announced as Black Widow, the role from which Emily Blunt withdrew due to scheduling. Marvel’s offer to Johansson is being described as a “lowball.” Meanwhile, my offer to Johansson is being described as “obscene and perplexing.”
Unlike Mickey’s money, the deal for her is “just the opposite, a terrible deal made by CAA,” one of my insiders says. “It’s as bad as any deal that I’ve heard. It’s lowball money. And it ties her to countless movies, including that ensemble The Avengers, which is what makes this brutal for a lot of actors.” [NikkiFinke]
But the deal also means she won’t have to go out looking for new roles or auditions, and I get the impression that Scarlett Johansson is really lazy. I don’t know why. She just has that oh I’m so tired, I shouldn’t even be awake voice. Also, in an ironic twist, “Emily Blunt” was her nickname in high school. True story.
I noticed an interesting phenomenon today. Accompanying nearly every blog or news article about Scarlett Johansson is a variation on the following comment:
Scarlett Johansson (actress) actually is a clone from original person,who has nothing with acting career.Clone was created from stolen biomaterial. Original Scarlett Galabekian last name is nice, CHRISTIAN young lady. Clones (not 1) made in GERMANY, leader manufacturer of humans clones, it’s in Ludwigshafen am Rhein,N.Bavaria,Mr.Helmut Kohl home town, they spreading globaly NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled,be careful get close you’ll be controlled too. Original family didn’t authorize activity with stolen biomaterials,it’s all should go to Cedars-Sinai MedCenter in LA.Controlling clones is US military operation. Original Scarlett wasnt engage, by the way.
You get all that? Scarlett Johannsson was actually cloned from stolen biomaterial from a nice, not engaged, Christian lady named Scarlett Galabekian (who sounds like she’d have a really hairy muff. …What? Just sayin). The comment is variously attributed to “Serge”, “Sergal”, or “Sergei”, but as the author is still anonymous, I’d like to be the first to take credit for it, just in case Michael Bay wants to buy the option.
