Lenny Kravitz is… Scarf Ace. [via Awkward Elevator]

MORNING LINKS
Samuel L. Jackson refuses to answer questions until interviewer says n*gger. |FilmDrunk|

Awwwww [via Pleated Jeans]

The Reviews Are In And Guy Fieri’s S’mores Pizza Is Predictably Terrible |Warming Glow|

High School Sophomore Victor Dukes Is Really, Really Good At Dunking |With Leather|

New ‘Star Trek Into Darkness’ Pictures, Now With More Defenestration |Gamma Squad|

Pot Enthusiasts In Denver Had The Best New Year’s Eve Ever |Smoking Section|

Meast And Least For Week 17 And Meast And Least Of The Year |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Great celebrity photos you have likely never seen |theChive|

13 Actors Whose Faces You Know From TV But Names You Don’t |Buzzfeed|

Here’s Lindsay Lohan’s Definition of ‘Not Partying’ For New Year’s Eve |The Superficial|

George Costanza Dress Is Real, Amazing |HuffPost Comedy|

The Details Of Kate Winslet’s Life Are Real And Also Normal |Videogum|

12 Historical Speeches Nobody Ever Heard |Mental Floss|

Justin Bieber Kinda Killed A Guy |Screen Junkies|

10 Ways to Apologize for Your Actions at a Party |College Humor|

Kim Kardashian Is A Classy Mom |IDLYITW|

Bruce West Keaton Kilmer Clooney Bale Wayne |Unreality|

Japanese Marshmallow Eating Contest |Clip Nation|

The 10 Most Scathing and Bitchy Film Reviews of 2012 |Pajiba|

50 Movies We’re All About in 2013 |NextMovies|

Strip Clubs Just Get Classier in 2013: A 15-Foot Fall & Drunk Child Care |Hypervocal|

Oscar Predictions: Where Do We Stand on Best Actor? |Film.com|

Man Eats Denny’s Entire ‘Hobbit’ Menu… in 20 Minutes! |Smosh|

Spotify’s 20 most streamed songs of NYE, in the United Kingdom. What’s the point in musicians even trying any more? |Fark|

The Ohio State Ski Club’s Trip to Aspen Didn’t Go Well |Brobible|

Fireworks In Reverse |High Definite|

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I didn’t know how else to write this headline, but I don”t want to shame every struggling actor who screws up. Consider this more of an unfortunately timed Where Are They Now. Anyway, Steven Bauer (born Steven Ernest Echevarria), one the only actual Cubans in Scarface, got arrested Monday night for a DUI. So I suppose the answer to “where are they now” is “in jail!”

His arrest report shows the 52-year-old Bauer was stopped in Sweetwater, Florida for an improper left turn late Monday night. He was given a warning, but the officer ran his driver’s license and found an open 12-year-old warrant.

Bauer played Manny Ribera in the 1983 movie “Scarface” starring Al Pacino. Bauer also starred on the bilingual PBS show “Qué Pasa, USA.” He played the teenage son of a Cuban exile family in Miami from 1977 to 1979. He was booked into the Miami-Dade County Jail early Tuesday morning. It was not immediately known if he has an attorney. [AP]

Eef I didn’ know better, mang? I say dat cop, she some kinda lesbian.

On a serious note, Bauer’s delivery in the “Beetch. Lesbian.” scene from Scarface is one of my all-time favorite line reads, and easily the most memorable part of that entire movie. Also, I imagine being an actor from Scarface in jail is like being the Red Sox centerfielder in a bar next to Fenway.

She would’ve banged him in real life, Manny was slick as f*ck.

Brian DePalma’s 1982 version of Scarface was a remake of the 1932 Howard Hawks film, updating the original Italian gangster based on Al Capone to a Cuban drug lord in Miami, to properly reflect the specific ethnic menaces of their respective times. Now Donnie Brasco writer Paul Attanasio is doing another remake for Universal (rewriting an earlier draft by David Ayer), and while the original report said the plot was under wraps, Latino Review quotes a source close to the project saying the new Tony Montana will be Mexican. (*throws out black beans, buys pinto beans*)

[quoting the original Deadline scoop] “Scarface was first done in 1932 and then turned into the iconic 1983 film that starred Al Pacino as Cuban gangster Tony Montana. The film is not intended to be a remake or a sequel. It will take the common elements of the first two films: An outsider, an immigrant, barges his way into the criminal establishment in pursuit of a twisted version of the American dream, becoming a kingpin through a campaign of ruthlessness and violent ambition. The studio is keeping the specifics of where the new Tony character comes from under wraps at the moment, but ethnicity and geography were important in the first two versions.”

Keeping the specifics of where the new Tony character comes from under wraps at the moment?  Why so secretive?  What is the big deal?

Well, according to sources, we have discovered that the new Tony Montana is actually Mexican and the remake takes place in the world of drug cartels. [LatinoReview]

I’m not convinced the most overrated movie of our times really needs a remake, but if they are going to do it, I’d like to see an extremely outdated and borderline racist caricature of a Mexican out of a Looney Tunes cartoon, where Tony’s big drug dealer chair is now a saguaro cactus, and his big pile of cocaine is an empty tequila bottle, and when the FBI shows up to beat down his door, he just sings a sad ranchero song and falls asleep.

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Don’t take this as invitation to send me every dumb mash-up you see (let’s face it, at least 95% of them are terrible), but I thought this Lincoln parody was pretty good. The Spielberg version opens this weekend, and it paints the Civil War era as a shouty place full of overbearing John Williams music where people often pounded tables and dramatically pointed fingers at each other in casual conversation. What BEARDFACE video presupposes is that our 16th president was actually more of an Oliver Stone creation, who snorted lots of coke and shouted into cell phones. I especially enjoyed its depiction of Confederacy President Jefferson Davis:

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"First ju getta money, den ju getta power. Den I get a parrot, mang, ju watch." -Scarfeather

It’s no surprise that someone would want to remake Scarface, given that Scarface was already a remake, and assuming what Oliver Stone says about Scarface is true. Now, according to a report by Deadline, Universal is prepping a new Scarface that “is not intended to be a remake or a sequel” to either the 1932 or the 1983 Scarface. Instead it will be a new version that takes story elements and a title from the previous versions. In related news, someone at Universal needs to go look up what “remake” means.

I’d heard that the studio has been meeting writers to script a take for a film that will be produced by Marc Shmuger and his Global Produce banner along with Martin Bregman. Bregman produced the Pacino version.
The film is not intended to be a remake or a sequel. It will take the common elements of the first two films: An outsider, an immigrant, barges his way into the criminal establishment in pursuit of a twisted version of the American dream, becoming a kingpin through a campaign of ruthlessness and violent ambition. The studio is keeping the specifics of where the new Tony character comes from under wraps at the moment, but ethnicity and geography were important in the first two versions. In the 1932 Scarface, an Italian (Paul Muni) took over Chicago, and in the Brian De Palma-directed remake, a Cuban cornered the cocaine trade in 1980s Miami. [Deadline]

If they’re still taking pitches, I think this film should tell the exciting true story of how the Wahlberg Brothers went to New York, discovered that there was a restaurant selling Wahlbergers, muscled in on the action, and took it back to Mass. It’s the American dream. “First you model the fackin’ undahweah, then you write the rap sawngs. Then you become an actah, then you get nawminated fahr a fackin’ Oscah, then some queah in New Yawk names a burgah aftah you called The Wahlburgah. Then you take the Wahlburgahs, and staht sellin’ em down neah da fackin’ hahbah, THEN you get the powah.”

It’s a reflection of our times.