It's funny because you can just never get a taxi in New York City!

This weekend marked the worst overall box office gross since September 19, 2008, as Americans only spent $67.8 million to see such instant classics like New Year’s Eve, The Sitter and some other movies that you’ll never see. Despite finishing first with $13.7 million in revenue, the biggest flop was New Year’s Eve, the insulting holiday collaboration produced by Satan [*cough* AL-QAEDA RECRUITMENT VIDEO! *cough, cough* -Vince]. The film cost $56 million to make, and I apologize if that just cause a vein to explode in your head.

And if you’re upset that New Year’s Eve still made almost $14 million, you can place the blame on women.

The movie, directed by Garry Marshall, stars Michelle Pfeiffer, Zac Efron, Robert De Niro, Halle Berry, Seth Meyers, Alyssa Milano, Jessica Biel and others. Women saw the movie in far higher numbers than men. Fellman said 70 percent of the audience was made up of women.

It is a follow-up to Marshall’s 2010 hit “Valentine’s Day,” which also featured big stars in short vignettes and went on to gross $216.5 million on a $52 million budget. (Via Yahoo!)

On one hand, I’m sort of proud that moviegoers learned from their past mistake of paying to see Valentine’s Day. But on the other hand, I’m concerned that 30% of the people who saw this film were men. I’ll hold out hope that the majority of men who saw this were being punished by their wives and girlfriends for dropping a grand at a strip club on Friday night, because that’s about the only excuse I’ll accept.

More than anything, we should hope that Garry Marshall quits it with these ensemble chick flicks that try to make us believe that holidays can still be magical. If we’re lucky, maybe his next project will be called Thanksgiving, and the entire cast gets trampled to death at a Target the next day. Or at least he can make Saturday Night Live’s The Apocalypse. [It would've done better if they'd taken my suggestion about replacing the cast with Terrence Howard in different hats. -Vince]

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Back in November, angelic unicorn whisperer Anne Hathaway hosted Saturday Night Live and the result was an episode that wasn’t necessarily terrible. And while I can sit here and break off into a 10,000-word rant about how terrible Jim Carrey’s recent hosting gig was, I won’t, because Vince won’t reach around if I do. What I can tell you is how Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are allegedly boycotting the Academy Awards because of Hathaway’s impression of Holmes from that episode.

Hathaway, who is as pure as a golden retriever’s smile, is hosting the Oscars alongside Filmdrunk favorite James Franco, so this news comes as a blow to the zero people who care about TomKat. As for the sketch and impression in question, for once I actually looked at Anne and thought, “Hey, she’s more than just an amazing rack and oddly pale hotness.” But Cruise and Holmes took the harmless impression as an insult and now they’re calling off their trip to the Oscars because they’re both terrible actors and will never be nominated for crap and would probably be left out of the “In Memoriam” montage at this point in their careers offended.

Jump on my couch, All Headline News…

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The big story this week is that New York governor David Paterson is supposedly angry about being portrayed as “blind and bumbling” in a Saturday Night Live sketch.

“The governor engages in humor all the time, and he can certainly take a joke,” said Risa Heller, Paterson’s communications director. “However, this particular Saturday Night Live skit unfortunately chose to ridicule people with physical disabilities and imply that disabled people are incapable of having jobs with serious responsibilities. The governor is sure that ‘Saturday Night Live’ with all of its talent can find a way to be funny without being offensive,” she also said. [CNN]

Another spokesperson agreed, “It’s true, the governor engages in humor all the time.  In fact, some times he even utilizes ‘jokes’, and institutes ‘sarcasm.’  Why, just last week he initiated a quite droll ‘ribbing’ intiative, after we agreed on said course of action in committee. I’m telling you, it’s a real barrel of monkeys down he–  …uh, I mean, it’s fun.  Crap, I’m fired, aren’t I.”

So Sarah Palin was on SNL last night (video after the jump), and instead of putting her in a sketch opposite Tina Fey (which might have been, you know, painfully awkward) they just had her sit there and dance around and raise the roof and do stuff white people think black people do while Amy Poehler did a rap about her.  I think I speak for everyone when I say that I’d rather watch my grandmothers go ass to ass than watch that again.

Jesus people, did you learn nothing from “MC Rove”?  If you’re a Caucasian public figure, and you’re ever tempted to break dance or rap or c-walk or ghost ride the whip or superman that ho in an attempt to ingratiate yourself to the nation’s youth, please, just kill yourself.

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Without identifying their sources, CNN today confirmed rumors that Sarah Palin will make an appearance on Saturday Night Live this weekend.  It’s still unknown whether Tina Fey will also appear.

“I love her, she’s a hoot and she’s so talented,” Palin said, according to the AP.  “It would be fun to meet her, imitate her and keep on giving her new material.”

God, this is a horrible idea.  Tina Fey hates Sarah Palin, and as dumb as Sarah Palin is, I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual.  And she’s too dumb for self parody. They’re gonna be like two bitches who hate each other’s guts pretending to be civil when they cross paths at the sorority formal punch bowl.  “Oh my god, I love your dress!” they’ll say, and do the ass out, cheek-to-cheek hug, then as soon as one turns her back the other’s sticking her finger down her and throat making puking noises.  Trust me, I know their type.  Now don’t be shy, ladies, have some more punch.  **wink wink, gun fingaz**