UPDATE, 2/7: A talked to a source close to the original post, who said that the author intended it to be more than a little bit sarcastic and tongue in cheek. Frankly, that makes a lot of sense. And the person was very nice, so keep that in mind as you read it. Perhaps my Portlandia comparison was less newsworthy than just… taken at face value?

Excuse yet another non-movie-related digression from me, but this was just too perfect not to share. So I’ve been apartment hunting here in San Francisco for the past week, and I love this city, but man, many of the stereotypes about us are true, and never are they laid more plain than when you’re scrolling through Craigslist ads. The “vegan household seeks non-meat-eater,” the “we don’t have a TV in the common area and we’d like to keep it that way” – you’d think you were looking for a drum circle instead of a room. There are plenty of non-noteworthy “only in SF”-type posts (and even typing “only in SF” makes me want to kick my own ass), but the one I’m about to share manages to combine nearly every stereotype into one, magnificently un-self-aware post. If Portlandia was about San Francisco, the person who wrote this would be one of the characters.

I’m trying to leave out identifiers and not link the post so this poor girl doesn’t get a million emails, but here’s the text (names have been changed):

It’s 7:14am and the sun is beginning to reach through the window, around your curtains, gently rousing you from an undisturbed night of rest. Sitting up, you hear the jingle of a bell – it’s Bambina the cat, scurrying towards her food bowl. You know that your lovely roommate, Marina, will soon follow, rubbing the sleep from her eye and muttering about the “little bastard” under her breath. Minutes later, Kyle walks past with one of his many bicycles. You wish him a nice day as he heads out the door to his job at an ad agency.

Stepping into the newly remodeled kitchen, Marina asks if you would like to taste some of the kale smoothie she just made…it is surprisingly delicious. You sip the delicious smoothie and look out onto the garden where a hummingbird is gracefully sipping it’s [sic] own breakfast from a flower.

Read the rest of this entry »

What if the Inception BRAAAAAHM had its own sitcom?

MORNING LINKS
Die Hard Director John McTiernan is Headed to Awesome-Sounding Prison |Film Drunk|

Frotcast 135: Django, Djodie Foster, & Killer Joe With Alison Stevenson |Frotcast|

Oh, bugger. [via Fck Yeah Dementia]

Eliza Coupe Loves Jack White, Hates Cats, Thinks A Lot About What Her Last Meal Would Be |UPROXX|

Jennifer Lawrence’s ‘SNL’ Promos Prove That She’s An Angel Sent By A Lunatic God
|Warming Glow|

Here’s An Emotional Breakdown Of Oregon Ducks Fans Today Presented By Ralph Wiggum
|With Leather|

Makers of ‘Dead Island’ Offer Bloody Boob Statue With Their Game, Are Shocked When People Are Offended |Gamma Squad|

100-Word Review: Wu-Block’s Self-Titled Album |Smoking Section|

LOLNFL 2012-2013: Divisional Weekend |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Meanwhile, in the world I wish I lived in… |theChive|

What All Of Nicolas Cage’s Children Will Definitely Look Like |Buzzfeed|

The Top 50 Movies Never Nominated For Best Picture at the Oscars |Film.com|

13 Bizarre Brassieres |HuffPost Comedy|

Jessica Simpson ‘Shocked’ She Got Pregnant Again |The Superficial|

11 Pieces of Fantastically Geeky Furniture |Mental Floss|

38 Amazing But True Facts About Luis Guzman |NextMovie|

9 Less Controversial PSAs |College Humor|

“Rino Which Eats World’s Various Dishes” |Videogum|

12 Athletes Who Lied About Being On The Juice |Urban Daily|

Whites Only Laundry |Clip Nation|

Look, Breaking Bad Works with Skyfall Too |Unreality|

Domino’s Pan Pizza Review |Holy Taco|

Why I Am The Only Person In The World Who Isn’t Looking Forward To The ”Arrested Development” Reunion |Pajiba|

Taylor Swift Tried To Hook Up With Bradley Cooper |IDLYITW|

The nineteen most bizarre sketches from Saturday Night Live’s last ten minutes |Fark|

High School Principal Suspended For Making Lame ‘Terminator’ Video |Screen Junkies|

This Is What It Looks Like When Dogs Skype |High Definite|

Tiger Woods May Be Dating Ski Bunny Lindsey Vonn? |Brobible|

NOMINATE for Comments of the Week. FOLLOW Vince on Twitter.
FAN US on Facebook. SUBSCRIBE to the Frotcast.

This is how we ask directions in San Francisco. We shout, “HEY, YOU F*CKING NAZI, HOW DO I GET TO CLEMENT AND 10TH?” and then spit on the person. You see, “Nazi” is our version of “brother”, or “comrade”, and spitting is like our fist bump. So really, she was just saying, “Hey, bro, can you tell me how to get to Clement and 10th, please? (*fist bump*)” If you come here without a translator, it can be very confusing. [Buzzfeed]

MORNING LINKS

10 TV Characters Who Should Die For The Good Of The Show |Warming Glow|

Funny, Sexy, And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week |Gamma Squad|

PICTURED: Yep, it’s Japanese fart porn. Thank you, Mike.

PoV: The Lingerie Basketball League |Smoking Section|

The Internet Loves Shark Week, Obviously |UPROXX|

The Best MMA Feud You’ll Read All Year |With Leather|

Hugh Hefner’s dead! Wait no, he’s just planking. |TheSuperficial|

Gwyneth Paltrow is still great at sounding like a snobby bitch. |Videogum|

Everything you wanted to know about the North Pole balloon mission of 1897. |MentalFloss|

Here’s a Filipino kid who’s good at singing. |TheDailyWhat|

Six possible things wrong with 16-year-old child-bride Courtney Stodden. Number one? Her face. |HolyTaco|

One of the Snow White movies has a director and a title. |ScreenJunkies|

Can You Match The Plot Description To The Jason Statham Movie? |Pajiba|

A Brief History Of Hollywood Villains And America’s Collective Fears |HyperVocal|

10 Trading Card Lines That Desperately Deserve A Revival |Topless Robot|

A Collection Of Awesome “He/She Was In That?” Screenshots |Unreality|

35 Best Drawings Of Jon Hamm |Buzzfeed|

Follow me on Twitter. Fan us on Facebook. Subscribe to the Frotcast. NOMINATE FOR COMMENTS OF THE WEEK.

(Olivia’s presence was necessary because we’re talking about geeks and San Francisco and I need to keep my manhood in tact.)

I’m not fully versed in nerd well enough to completely fathom what’s going on here, but I’m going to try my best. Apparently there’s an outfit called Operation Tron, part of a viral marketing effort to cram Tron Legacy into our lives. And tonight in San Francisco, there will be a special “Encom” press conference that will be “interrupted” during an appearance from “Alan Bradley.”

*hits asthma inhaler*

While the fake press conference begins at 8 p.m. PT, the “Flynn Lives” group will be passing out T-shirts (presumably XXXL) and other viral merchandise. The rally will take place at the Justin Herman Plaza on the San Francisco Embarcadero, in case any bullies or jocks in California were looking for the easiest score of their lives.

Tell it like it is Slash Film:

The Flynn Lives website launched last summer, dedicated to the idea that the character Kevin Flynn is still alive and must be found. It is the most professional-looking “missing person” website I’ve ever seen, let alone one dedicated to a fictional person.

Well that’s great to know. Thousands of children go missing every year and all along some dorks with great design skills could be out there saving them. Maybe if Soul Asylum had made the “Runaway Train” video about episodes of Battlestar Gallactica and Fritos, we’d be a safer society.

And just because it’s San Francisco, here’s my favorite Nancy Pelosi image ever.

Pelosi image courtesy of the Frogman.

- Burnsy