(Where you going, stupid? All the good stuff’s under the water.)
After the jump, Wolverine’s ne’er-do-well, heroin-addict cousin Freddy Krueger is back in the trailer for the new Nightmare on Elm Street remake from Michael Bay’s production company. Michael is desperate for cash these days, as his C4 habit is up to four bricks a day.
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A production company that remakes old horror movies is kinda like a meth dealer, and the clientele is largely the same. Platinum Dunes is just such a company. Their latest half-cooked project is a Nightmare on Elm Street remake, and director Samuel Bayer thinks he has a fool-proof plan to make us give a sh*t again. What’s that plan, you ask? MORE XXXXTREEEME!!! MORE BODIES HITTING THE FLOOOOR!!!
Fewer one-liners, more flat-liners. That’s what fans should expect when the rebooted Freddy Krueger shreds his way onto screens in April.
Also: less line reading, more line snorting.
“I don’t think it’s a funny movie. If a character is wisecracking and killing you at the same time, it’s not very funny,” says Samuel Bayer, director of the new A Nightmare on Elm Street. “I’m taking this very seriously.”
“It’s (going to be) darker, more serious, more intense and hopefully scarier,” says Jackie Earle Haley, who inherits the role [after resurrecting his career by playing a wisecracking killer in Watchmen -Ed] from genre icon Robert Englund . [Canoe]
I agree, serious and earnest is definitely the way to go when you’re doing an unnecessary remake. People love that. That’s why when I sing karaoke, I pretend I’m actually the person whose song I’m singing for at least a week ahead of time. And then when I sing the song, I do it better than the original. Because when I sing “I wanna hold your hand,” people know that I really do want to hold the f*ck out of your hand.
