SAM WORTHINGTON FLASH GORDON QUESTION MARK??

12.29.09 Written by Vince Mancini

FiveWorthingtons

Be warned, as the rumor I’m about to share is about as reliable as putting the names of 100 actors on a giant bingo card and waiting to see which one your cat takes a dump on, but Hollyscoop “hears buzz” that Sam Worthington “may” be starring in Flash Gordon.

The role calls for Flash as a handsome polo player and Yale graduate, who travels to the planet Mongo, where it’s discovered that the meteors are weapons devised by Ming the Merciless, evil ruler of Mongo.

If true (note: it’s not true), this is all part of Hollywood’s plan for Sam Worthington to become to action movies what Taco Bell was to restaurants in Demolition Man.  (If you enjoyed that, please buy my book, SAT Analogies for Huge Nerds).  Cinematical says:
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REVIEW: AVATAR IS THE FINEST PIECE OF TRASH SINCE TITANIC

12.21.09 Written by Vince Mancini

Avatar-Unobtanium

It’s hard to review a James Cameron movie, because whether you like it is sort of irrelevant.  It becomes part of pop culture, like a song.  People will talk about it, children will think of it nostalgically in 10 years, and you’ll probably find yourself humming it on the subway, even if you hate it.  Call Avatar brilliant trash.  It’s a lot like Titanic — grandiose and impressive on an epic scale, and riddled with clichés throughout.  But James Cameron is a smart guy. You figure he knows a cliché when he’s writing one.  He likes them and he doesn’t care what you think, much the way your mom likes bikers.

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NEW TITANS TRAILER, SAME ASSUMPTION THAT WE’RE IDIOTS

12.14.09 Written by Vince Mancini

UPDATE: Trailer removed at the behest of some douchebag lawyers.  I’m pretty sure posting a studio’s own advertisement for their movie so I can make fun of it falls clearly under fair use, but whatever, I’m not a lawyer.
The first Clash of the Titans trailer was sort of dumb and incomprehensible, a mashup of people stabbing each other and CGI bad guys set to heavy guitar, intercut with the ultimate we-assume-you’re-an-idiot-meathead tagline “TITANS. WILL. CLASH.”  Gee, thanks.  I’m insulted and I am an idiot meathead. Luckily they’ve corrected all that with this new trailer, which is… even more incomprehensible and meathead.  Here’s the official synopsis:

Born of a god but raised as a man, Perseus (Worthington) is helpless to save his family from Hades (Fiennes), vengeful god of the underworld. With nothing left to lose, Perseus volunteers to lead a dangerous mission to defeat Hades before he can seize power from Zeus (Neeson) and unleash hell on Earth. Leading a daring band of warriors, Perseus sets off on a perilous journey deep into forbidden worlds. Battling unholy demons and fearsome beasts, he will only survive if he can accept his power as a god, defy his fate and create his own destiny.

The tagline in this one is DAMN. THE. GODS., but this movie is so dumb that when I saw “DAMN” I half expected it to be “DAMN. THIS. LOOKS. HELLA SICK.” or “DAMN.  BROSEPH. EXPLOSIONS.”

ClashofTitans-Butthole-The Kraken

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AVATAR REVIEWS ARE IN. PEOPLE LIKED IT.

12.11.09 Written by Vince Mancini

Avatar-Naavi1

James Cameron’s Avatar screened for critics yesterday and the reviews are starting to trickle in.  The general consensus seems to be that it’s good but kind of cheesy, like Brett Ratner’s nachos.  There were lots of Dances With Wolves comparisons.  Did you know that movie’s almost 20 years old?  I think I might try to date it.

A dozen years later, James Cameron has proven his point: He is king of the world. MichelleRodriguez-Armpitlick-Hollywood Reporter

Avatar was really much, much better than expected, that it looked amazing and that the story was gripping – if cheesy in many places. The terrible film that some had been anticipating had not materialised. It was good. -The Guardian

If you can let go of your version and embrace Cameron’s – if you’re not, in other words, one of those splenetic internet fanboy types who’ve apparently made their minds up about Avatar before seeing it – then Avatar is a hugely rewarding experience: rich, soulful and exciting in the way that only comes from seeing a master artist at work. -Empire

Editor’s note: I will suck a wiener on Christopher Street before I trust the review of someone who uses the word “splenetic.”

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POSTERS! OF TITANS! CLASHING!

12.10.09 Written by Vince Mancini

clashoftitansbanner

Here are some new posters and banners for Clash of the Titans, from director Louis LeTerrier, starring Ralph Fiennes, Liam Neeson, and captain I’m in everything now Sam Worthington.  Not that I ever had much enthusiasm for this project, but anything there was quickly snuffed out by the teaser trailer — tagline: “TITANS. WILL. CLASH.”  GRR, THREE. WORD. TAGLINES!  I bet if you took a shot for every time someone referenced 300 during pre-production, you’d be Nick Nolte.  On that note, here are my two favorite 300 gif animations:

redsauceonpasta 300-airhump

I’ve heard Gerard Butler is just like that in real life.  They say if you cut off his head, his hips will just keep thrusting like a praying mantis.

clashoftitansposter1 clashoftitansposter2

[bigger versions at RopeofSilicon]

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