File this one under “Guys I would kill to party with.”  So Martin McDonagh, writer/director of In Bruges, possibly the most unique action-comedy of the last ten years, is preparing his next film, Seven Psychopaths.  The Christ-like Megan Ellison is financing, and so far the cast includes Colin Farrell, Christopher Walken, Mickey Rourke, and Sam Rockwell (homeless Paul Rudd!).  No midgets have yet been cast, but if craft services provides the booze and pills, I’m sure one will just eventually show up.

Story follows a screenwriter (Farrell) struggling for inspiration for his script, “Seven Psychopaths,” who gets drawn into the dog kidnapping schemes of his oddball friends (Rockwell and Walken).  This take a turn for the worse when a gangster’s (Rourke) mutt goes missing. [Variety]

Hmm, well that sounds pretty good.  And by that I mean I wrote this after a noise like a whistling tea kettle escaped my diaphragm and I passed out in anticipatory ecstasy on a pile of cats.  Speaking of which, is it weird that I imagine Sam Rockwell constantly being awoken by stray animals?  He has a real a-goat-licked-my-forehead-this-morning vibe about him.

[Christopher Walken in 1955. Source]

Don't let the aliens butt probe me, James Bond

Cowboys and Aliens, the second release (after I Am Number Four) under the newly-reshuffled Dreamworks arrangement, from director John Favreau and the writers of Lost, Iron Man, and Star Trek, opens July 1st.  The new, extended trailer hit late last night, and man, between this, Sucker Punch, and Your Highness, 2011 has been a great year for 13-year-old’s wet-dream movies.

DUDE! What if COWBOYS fought ALIENS!

YEAH! And then JAMES BOND was there!

YEAH! And INDIANA JONES!

YEAH! And then what if James Bond had amnesia! And kept gradually remembering what a badass he is, LIKE JASON BOURNE!

YEAH! And what if amnesia Jason James Bond Bourne had to kill the aliens WITH ROCKET HANDS!

LIKE IRON MAN!

YEAH!  (*lights frog on fire, shoots it out of potato gun*)

All I’m saying is, one of these aliens better have three tits.

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In my favorite headline of the day, Gloria Allred has scheduled a press conference this morning in which she reportedly has “particularly strong words for Hilary Swank.”  But she better bring more than strong words, because last I checked, Hilary Swank knows karate.  (…And kinda looks like a dude).

Allred’s strong words are in reference to Swank’s upcoming film Conviction, in which blah blah blah this isn’t really that interesting…

The movie is based on the story of Kenneth Waters [played by Sam Rockwell], who was convicted of brutally murdering Katharina Brow in 1980. Waters was released from prison after serving 18 years when DNA showed the blood samples used to convict him were not a match.
The flick — which opens Friday — chronicles the steps Waters’ sister took to free him, but Swank and company never contacted Brow’s kids.
Allred says, “The murder victim’s children feel that no proper respect or compassion has been shown by Ms. Swank [who's also an executive producer on the project] for the murder victim and her family.” [TMZ]

And by “proper respect”, I imagine she means “money.” At this point, do people really think Gloria Allred is going to represent their interests?  Everyone knows she’ll do anything for the chance to scowl at some TV cameras.  I like to imagine the sign language interpreter at her press conference doing a yap yap yap thing with one hand and circling his ear as if to say “cuckoo” with the other.  My uncle likes to say her name’s “Allred” because she’s “always on her period.”   Ha, women, am I right?

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Remember Chris Klein’s Mamma Mia audition from yesterday?  Well this is Sam Rockwell’s screen test for Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, and it’s pretty much the opposite of that — charming, funny, and oozing with talent.  Rockwell does all his own stunts, including the splits and some fancy little soft shoe routines.  Maybe it’s not that hard, but I was impressed.  Don’t let these shapely legs and leotard fool you, I’m actually not a dance expert. Anyway, check it out. It’s basically three minutes of Sam Rockwell being charming as sh*t (and director George Clooney pops his head in at the end).  I heart Sam Rockwell so hard.  He’s like a homeless Paul Rudd.

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A lost work of Stanley Kubrick’s is being brought to the big screen, hopefully without Spielberg to screw it up this time.  It’s called Lunatic at Large, and it’s based on a story by pulp writer Jim Thompson:

Production Weekly reports that Sam Rockwell and Scarlett Johansson are in early negotiations to topline the film as Johnnie Shephard and Joyce, respectively, an ex-carnival worker with serious anger-management issues and a nervous, attractive barfly he picks up. According to the trade, Kubrick’s son-in-law Philip Hobbs unearthed the misplaced treatment in 1999 when rummaging through items from the late filmmaker’s estate. [Hollywood.com]

“I knew what it was right away,” he told the New York Times. “Because I remember Stanley talking about Lunatic. He was always saying he wished he knew where it was, because it was such a great idea.” [via theGuardian]

The great set piece is a nighttime carnival sequence in which Joyce, lost and afraid, wanders among the tents and encounters a sideshow’s worth of familiar carnie types: the Alligator Man, the Mule-Faced Woman, the Midget Monkey Girl, the Human Blockhead, with the inevitable noggin full of nails.  [Hollywood.com]

The rumor is that the project could be back on, but still needs a director.  Count me in.  Is there any actor more perfect for the role of carny than Sam Rockwell?  Steve Buscemi comes close, but no one has a face that screams “I take pictures of little girls underwear underneath the Tilt O’ Whirl to sell on the internet” like Sam Rockwell’s.  And judging by that last part of the description, it sounds like Sarah Jessica Parker has a role in it too.

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