I hadn’t been covering the Evil Dead remake rumors and counter rumors going around for the past few days, because people have been talking about that sh*t for like 10 years now and it usually amounts to less than my life up to this point. But that was before a fairly official-sounding press release from Ghost House went out. It announced that Diablo Cody was re-writing a script by Rodo Sayagues and Federico ‘Fede’ Alvarez, the latter of whom is set to direct. Honest to blog, it’s true. Are you jeally? Anyway, it was exciting news for me, because I went to high school with at least four guys named “Federico Alvarez.”

Sam Raimi and original producing partners Rob Tapert and Bruce Campbell (who also starred in the original franchise) are gearing up to remake their cult sensation THE EVIL DEAD through their long standing Ghost House Pictures partnership. Raimi and Tapert were such instant fans of Fede Alvarez’s short film “Panic Attack” that they set up a blind deal with the filmmaker and through that process have attached Fede Alvarez to write and direct the film. Alvarez wrote the script with Rodo Sayagues. Academy Award® winning screenwriter Diablo Cody is currently doing revisions on the draft. Ghost House is committed to renewing the franchise and has the film on the fast track.

Raimi wrote, directed and, along with Tapert and Campbell, produced the original horror classic THE EVIL DEAD that tells the story of five twenty-something friends who become holed up in a remote cabin where they discover a Book Of The Dead. An archaeologist’s tape recording reveals that the ancient text was discovered among the Khandarian ruins of a Sumerian civilization. Playing the taped incantations, the youths unwittingly summon up dormant demons living in the nearby woods, which possess the youngsters in succession until only one is left intact to fight for survival. THE EVIL DEAD spawned a franchise with the equally successful installments EVIL DEAD II and ARMY OF DARKNESS. [PressRelease via /Film]

I think it goes without saying that nerds are going to be pretty pissed about this one, and for good reason. Why do you need to remake a horror film? That sh*t is the easiest thing to write in the world. A girl gets possessed by a demon. Some kids get eaten by killer piranhas. There’s a mutant alligator, and it’s really big. A couple adopts a baby, and it turns out to be a secret dwarf hooker. You can’t take five seconds and come up with something new? If I want to see a modern take on a Sam Raimi movie, I’ll watch Drag Me to Hell.

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It’s always interesting to see what fights a studio will pick over casting choices, because their demands always seem a bit strange and arbitrary.  Right now Sam Raimi is making a Wizard of Oz prequel at Disney called Oz, the Great and Powerful, about “the tale of a young illusionist with a grandiose attitude who is forced to flee a traveling circus. His hot air balloon is swept up by a tornado to the land of Oz, which is run by two magical wicked witches.”

With James Franco is set to play the wizard, Raimi reportedly wants two-time Oscar winner Hilary Swank (Boys Don’t Cry and Million Dollar Baby) to play one of the elder witches, but Disney is pushing for Michelle Williams instead.  It’s a weird fight, because it’s not like either of them is box office poison or a surefire draw.

It’s unclear how far Raimi is willing to take his fight, but one agent familiar with the director notes that he can be doggedly tenacious in such situations: Infamously, when Sony’s Columbia Pictures brass and virtually everyone else involved with producing the first Spider-Man were pushing American Beauty star Wes Bentley for the role of Peter Parker, it was Raimi alone who insisted on — and obviously ultimately succeeded — in getting Tobey Maguire approved for the star-making part. [Vulture]

Huh.  I guess good on Sam Raimi for sticking to his guns, but really, it’s not like they were trying to stick him with Willow Smith or something.  Instead, it’s just another acclaimed actress I find oddly boring for being a reasonably attractive woman with above-average breasts.  We should find out who actually managed to stay awake during these discussions and hire them as air-traffic controllers.

In a post charmingly titled “Sam Raimi lassoes Wyatt Earp for film set in future,” (get it? “lassoes”?) Heatvision breaks the news of Sam Raimi’s upcoming post-apocalyptic western for Dreamworks (this would be his next project after the Oz prequel).  Earp: Saints for Sinners is based on a comic by Matt Cirulnick and, I swear I’m not making this up, “David Manpearl.”  That’s a funny name. And I should know, I was born “Dick Buttchowder.”

In a world where the American economy has all but collapsed to the levels of the Great Depression, infamous bandits roam the country and the law is as corrupt as the criminals its sworn to stop. Yet one lawman remains a steadfast moral compass for the people: WYATT EARP. Earp has collared more most-wanted men than anyone in history – but after a violent assignment claims the life of his brother, Wyatt sets out to forge a simple life in the only boomtown left: Las Vegas. With gorgeous women and free-flowing money on endless tap, Sin City attracts more people than a modern gold rush. Though Earp no longer wears a U.S. Marshall’s badge, his past is about to catch up to him. With nearly everything to lose, Earp will have to beat the odds stacked against him in order to bring old-fashioned justice to Sin City. [ComingSoon]

I loved Drag Me to Hell, but I’m only onboard with this if they get fat Val Kilmer to reprise his role as Doc Holliday from Tombstone.  This time, the big showdown takes place at the Golden Corral.

According to Deadline, Disney made a deal last night with Sam Raimi (who last dropped out of Sony’s Spider-Man 4, prompting them to greenlight a muppet-babies reboot of the whole franchise) to direct a 3D prequel to Wizard of Oz.  In other news, every time I type “3D prequel to Wizard of Oz” I feel like my nose should be in a pile of cocaine.

It’s a coup for new studio bosses Rich Ross and Sean Bailey, who are rolling the dice big-time by hoping that this pic will be a global hit like the billion-dollar-grossing Alice In Wonderland. Downey will play the Wizard Of Oz before he became the Wizard Of Oz circa the 1939 iconic film: he’s in fact a circus wrangler transported by tornado to the mysterious world of Oz where he gets mistaken for a know-it-all.  Now the only question is whether Sam Raimi can do what Tim Burton just did.

Dear Sam Raimi: Please do NOT do what Tim Burton just did.  Anyway, knowing Raimi’s filming origin stories for all the Oz characters just makes me hope he’ll go back to Evil Dead/Drag Me to Hell mode and shoot a scene where Robert Downey RIPS OUT A LION’S F*CKING HEART!! OOH WAH-AH  AH AH!

Yeah… That would be pretty boss.  (*spits Skoal into Gatorade bottle, adjusts crotch*)

Over the weekend, the internet was all abuzz over with rumors that Robert Pattinson would play Spider-man in the upcoming Spider-man reboot.  Only problem with the rumor was that it came from a British tabloid, which also mentioned Zac Efron in contention for the role, and was probably based on this April Fool’s Day article.  So rest easy, Robert Pattinson is not Spider-man.  But ten bucks says they’ve at least considered Taylor Lautner.  Meanwhile, QuietEarth says Armored/Kontroll director Nimrod Antal may be in line to direct:

The whole story goes like this: Sam Raimi met Nimrod on the Sony lot before his first US film, Vacancy. They clicked, so Sam hired him to direct Armored. Now, Predators is getting some great word-of-mouth around tinsel-town. Warners loves it and now Sam Raimi and Sony want the director back at the studio to helm Spider-man.

That’s good, Nimrod Antal would be a great choice.  Well, maybe not great, but at least better than his brother, Dipshit Antal.  Haha, get it?  I did no research.