I like Sam Jackson, because he’s a great actor with enough clout to only do Oscar-bait, Holocaust retarded-person dramas every five years if he wanted, but instead he takes anything he’s offered just for the hell of it.  I hear he’ll even help you impress your blind date later if you hook a brother up with some of that shrimp cocktail.  

Samuel L. Jackson and Kellan Lutz [Twilight, those angry gay Calvin Klein ads (included below)] are in negotiations to star in “Deathgames.” The story centers on a young man (Lutz) who is kidnapped and forced into the savage world of a modern gladiator arena, where men fight to the death for entertainment of the online masses. Jackson orchestrates the games, overseeing them from his computer lair with the help of twin ladies who see to his every desire. [THR]

I don’t know, this concept is almost… too original.  Are we sure the world is ready for a film about men condemned to do battle?  *dismissive wank, mouth fart, autofellatio walrus*

…But please, tell me more about these ladies who see to my every desire.  Mmm, yeah, that’s it, baby.  Scrub aaaall the lint and grime from behind my fridge.  Yes! Yes! Oh, don’t stop!  It feels so good, this hasn’t been done in years….

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Robert Downey and Sam Jackson on the set of Iron Man 2.  Oh I know, I was as excited as you are. |via FilmSchoolRejects|

Sam Jackson set to play a pirate negotiator.  Said the actor “Why won’t these muthaf*ckin pirates, give my back my muthaf*ckin’ boat!” |Variety|

American Apparel CEO denies trying to smear Woody Allen.  “I have deep respect for Mr. Allen who is a source of inspiration to me,” he insists. “The billboards and images from the Annie Hall movie were intended to be a parody/social statement and comedic satire to provoke discussion and public discourse about the baseless claims that had been made against American Apparel and myself, society’s reaction to lawsuits that delve into an individual’s private sexual life and the media’s sensationalism of such matters.”  He’s totally right.  As soon as I saw the billboard I said, “Hey guys, did you see that picture of Woody Allen with a beard?  It’s funny because the American Apparel guy is innocent.”  |Yahoo|

Jason Statham officially onboard for remake of Charles Bronson’s The Mechanic. Said the Stath “Oi, oy reckon after aw dis toime droivin’ round in flash sazz wagons, it wis about toime Da Stafe learnt ‘ow to fix ‘em, donnit.” |Empire|

Iron Man 2 to feature Gwyneth Paltrow in a dominatrix outfit. I guess that works, she’s clearly a ballbuster.  I mean, she’s married to the guy from Coldplay, no one who still had his balls could make music like that. |Comicbookmovie|

Mickey Carroll, the last surviving Wizard of Oz munchkin dead at 85. Rest in peace, little guy. |source|

Director of Saw and Repo the Genetic Opera remaking Troma’s Mother’s Day. I can’t wait to avoid anyone who’s excited about this. |Variety|

Megan Fox promises not to be like that showboatin’ bitch Scarlett Johansson. I say we settle this via naked cat fight. Or by seeing who can go the longest without talking.. |People|

New posters for Transformers (via Yahoo), Inglourious Basterds, District 9 (via Yahoo), and Antichrist (via Horror.ca).

Snakes on Plane has now joined the conversation about the worst overdubbed profanity replacement in TV history, as an FX broadcast changed Sam Jackson’s famous line about matriarch-copulating snakes on a matriarch-copulating plane to “monkey-fighting snakes on a monday-to-friday plane.”  Is it worse than “finding a stranger in the Alps” in Big Lebowski or “Yippie kai-yay, Mr. Falcon” in Die Hard?  Hard to say, but these monkey-fighting snakes you speak of – they intrigue me.  Why didn’t you bring this up during pre-production? 

_{“Yessir, I got the I’m-gone-rape-a-white-girl bluuues…”}

No word on how he plans to squeeze it in between his nine Marvel movies, but Sam Jackson has signed on for the awesomely titled Rape: A Love Story (which sounds funnier if you read it without the colon).  Settle down, pervs, it’s a Joyce Carol Oates novel.  But who will play the rapee?  Go ahead, I’ll give you one guess…

“The movie will tell the story of Teena MacGuire (Maria Bello), a young mother who is brutally gang-raped and left for dead, in an attack witnessed by her 12 year-old daughter (Abigail Breslin).  Jackson will play a cop who, appalled by Teena’s plight and a legal miscarriage of justice, takes the law into his own hands in an attempt to punish her attackers.” [Empire]

“They told me it was going to be tasteful,” MacGuire moaned.

Samuel L. Jackson has signed a nine-picture deal to play Nick Fury for Marvel.  That’s right, nine.  No one’s ever made more than two comic-book franchise movies in a row that were good, and only three in a row that had a consistent cast.

The actor, who just weeks ago was seemingly on the outs with the studio over reprising his role as Nick Fury, agent of spy outfit S.H.I.E.L.D., has signed an unprecedented nine-picture deal to play the character in a series of Marvel movies.
The movies include “Iron Man 2,” “Thor,” “Captain America,” “The Avengers” and its sequels. Also on the table is the possibility of toplining a “S.H.I.E.L.D.” movie, which is in development. [THR]

Hmm, so far I only count four movies and a maybe.  Meanwhile, CHUD says the nine-picture deal has become a new contractual item Marvel pursues with its stars.  Now, I know actors are kinda dumb and all, but it’s hard to imagine how they could’ve made this sound like a good deal.  “Yes, well, see, instead of doing one or two movies for a relatively large amount, we’ll pay you much less per movie, BUT, you’ll be able to do much more work in order to get paid the same amount.  So it all evens out in the end.  Sound good?”  I also wonder if a deal like this would’ve made Sam Jackson’s acting in The Spirit less over the top.  “Yo, Sam, don’t burn yourself out, man, we got eight more of these to make.”  “I LIKE 8 OF EVERYTHING, MUTHAF-CKA!”  “Yo, are you still in character?  What’d I just say?”