Gary Busey has released an official apology to Jennifer Garner for being creepy at the Oscars.

"I meant no disrespect to Ms. Jennifer Garner when I met her at the Oscars and apologize if I made her uncomfortable," Busey said in a statement Monday released though his attorney, Vicki Roberts.

Of course, he didn’t apologize to the little girl he terrorized the same night because she’s not famous so fuck her.  He also called Ryan Seacrest’s radio show.

"You are to me, when you’re working, an innocent champion of honesty. Your heart has a way to embrace the truth in your delivery without looking like you are reading a script," he told Seacrest.

"Everything looks spontaneous. What spontaneity is—spontaneity comes from an invisible idea that is there before the creation began. And you have that naturally, so I just wanted to pay you a compliment. But I didn’t know you were in the middle of an interview, I was just moving through there." [Yahoo]

I like it when Busey takes the time to explain abstract concepts like “spontaneity”.  He went on to say that “truth” is a magical centaur who lives in a cave and "honesty" is a retarded black chick who talks to him while he shits.

Here’s Gary Busey acting like a scary, unpredictable street person while everyone pretends to be surprised. What’s he doing at the Academy Awards again?

Meanwhile, why the hell is Ryan Seacrest the go-to guy for live interviews?  When something unexpected happens he pretty much just shuts down like an autistic kid when you switch his breakfast cereal.  I think his true calling is wedding planner; designing center pieces, making sure everyone sits at the right table, holding trains for the bride and bridesmaid, making sure the flower girl and ring bear don’t have chocolate on their face.  He could go up to every girl at the party and go, "You look so pretty!" and then cheek-to-cheek hug.

I think it’s obvious they should’ve sent Lisa Rinna to interview Gary Busey.  She could drink the tears of the unborn while Busey teaches her how to hunt for coyotes – they’d be far away from the important people, and they could babble incoherently at each other till their hearts’ content. 

On New Year’s Eve, super tool Ryan Seacrest* introduced a "new" clip from "super producer" JJ Abrams’ Cloverfield.

I may or may not have spent the last 6 hours watching (JJ Abrams’) Lost on DVD, but this still looks like The Blair Shit Project.  Ten bucks says they never show the monster.  That would actually make this a hundred times cooler. 

In other news, I’ll now be referring to myself as a super blogger.  I only have one power – lighting the ladies’ loins on fire with my eyeball lasers.  Through the internet. 

*I think Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daly should step into the octagon to settle once and for all who’s the alpha tool.  Carson probably has a size advantage, but my money’s on Seacrest.  He just seems like he wants it more.  Like he’s a giant douche sort of by default, whereas Seacrest had to bite and kick and scratch and pull hair and shave his chest to get where he is today.  You can’t deny the hunger.   

Ryan Seacrest, who I'm pretty sure looks like a Ken doll down there, has been announced as the host of this year's Emmies.  What is the Emmies, you ask?  A prescient question, asswipe.  The Emmies are awards that TV executives give to shows like Two and a Half Men while pretending that anything they do has artistic merit.  

In other words, Seacrest is perfect for the job.  Strangely, he'll also be emceeing the Super Bowl.  The Emmies I can see, but for Seacrest talking football? I picture basically the opposite of Fred Willard as the dog show announcer in Best in Show.

"Now Joe, with these 300-pound lineman, just to give the folks at home some idea – how long would you say it takes a guy like that to shave his chest?"

I also think "MC Super Bowl" would be a sweet rap name.