Hey, girl, even dummies deserve last requests

Human Care Bear Ryan Gosling (or Baby Goose, as we like to call him), whose ability to stop street fights using half a hug is already well-known, made headlines again this week when he reportedly appeared out of nowhere to stop a dinghy English broad from wandering into traffic. My God, he’s like a cross between Batman and the Teletubbies.

Writing on Twitter, Laurie Penny (who is a journo for the New Statesman, FYI) said:
“I literally, LITERALLY just got saved from a car by Ryan Gosling. That actually just happened.”

Wait, slow down, you mean it actually happened literally-literally, and not figuratively, as a parable, in a mythical dreamworld of allegorical myth and metaphor? As an employed journalist, you’d think she’d make things a bit clearer.

“I was crossing 6th avenue in a new pink wig. Not looking the right way because I am from London. Ryan Gosling grabbed me away from a taxi.”
“He did not say ‘hey, girl.’ He said ‘hey, watch out!’
“Identity of … Ryan Gosling confirmed by girl near me, who said ‘you lucky bitch.’” [HolyMoly]

I like to imagine that after saving her, Baby Goose strolled off into the sunset, casually strumming his ukulele and smiling, another good deed done. Remember, Huggalos, Baby Goose is always with you, as long as you believe. ”See where those footsteps in the sand stop, girl? That’s where Baby Goose shoved you out of the way of a dune buggy.”

It has only been three months, but the pain still feels fresh. Back in November, People magazine had the nerve – nay, THE BALLS! – to claim that Bradley Cooper was the Sexiest Man Alive. Normally, we wouldn’t care, but People chose the star of Limitless and The A*Team over our favorite chosen son, Ryan Gosling. And the world shared our outrage and acted accordingly.

As if the dagger wound wasn’t painful enough, along comes Heat magazine – whatever that is – to twist the blade and leave us in further agony. According to 1,000 or so of Heat’s readers, Gosling is indeed in the conversation of the Sexiest Man on the Planet, but once again he is left in the dust of a greater stag – David Beckham.

According to Digital Spy, heat’s Top 25 looks like this…

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Despite being the president of the FilmDrunk Chapter of the North American Ryan Gosling Fan Club, I have yet to see his latest smash hit, Drive, because I can’t quite handle the idea of seeing an angry Baby Goose hurting people, when he’s supposed to be the King of Cuddle. But Vinnie saw it and reviewed it, and you can take his word for it that it’s action-packed and huggerific, if by that you mean a guy getting his face stomped.

More than anything, though, Drive has been a surprising source of inspiration, what with the creation of an exciting game, a mash-up with Tom Cochrane’s classic 90s hit “Life is a Highway”, the release of a line of Gosling’s scorpion jackets, and even causing a guy to throw a hot dog at Tiger Woods. This film will probably completely be forgotten come Academy Awards time, but I believe that it has already won so much.

Now, thanks to animators Tom Haugomat and Bruno Mangyoku, Drive is available in short cartoon form.

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Here’s Ryan Gosling with his special lady, Eva Mendes, in Paris. Of course he’s holding a rose that he picked for her. “Hey, girl. Sure I scratched my hand on those thorns, but it’s a small price to pay to show you I care.” |WWTDD|

MORNING LINKS
SITE NEWS: Get excited, we’ve got a fresh Scene Breakdown from Danger Guerrero (KARATE DOG!) AND a brand new This Week in Posters. Get excited. That’s right, I said it twice, because I mean it.

Have you listened to the latest Frotcast? You should. It has koi prank calls. |Frotcast|

So Long and Thanks for All the Puppies. Go pay your respects to your departing WG editor, Matt Ufford. And meet your new editors!  |Warming Glow|

Crossface Chickenwing Rhymes: 7 Hip-Hop Lines About Bob Backlund. (I have no idea what any of this means). |Smoking Section|

I absolutely love watching these two old dudes kick the crap out of each other. |With Leather|

Meme Watch: Hippo Coworker Is On The Other Side Of Your Cubicle Wall |UPROXX|

7 Popular Songs That Are Too Rapey. Please, there’s no such thing as TOO rapey. |Buzzfeed|

“Where are the great movies?” asks the director of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull |FARK|

Damn, the Stath’s sister sounds pissed. DON’T MAKE ME PUT DOWN THIS BABY! |TheDailyWhat|

Anne Hathaway is engaged to this chode smuggler. |TheSuperficial|

Charlize Theron totally got bullied in school, you guys. Probably for being so pretty. |Videogum|

10 words of the year that didn’t catch on. Not listed? “Dingleberry.” Dingleberry is here to stay. You could set your watch to dingleberry. |MentalFloss|

6 fictional retailers that are probably better than Best Buy. |ScreenJunkies|

Louis CK Explains Racial Slurs |DogAndPony|

This awkward couple’s first kiss legitimately makes me nauseous. |HolyTaco|

Let Miss Leila alllmost show you her gash. |GorillaMask|

A Collection of Masked Movie Posters |Unreality|

Check out Talib Kweli in this new DeStorm video. Did you know: The Uproxx guys used to own Talib Kweli’s record label? It’s true. (*more you know music plays*)

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"Hey girl, trust me, this is in self defense."

FilmDrunk favorite and gentleman snuggler Ryan Gosling is currently filming Lawless, a gangster film directed by Terrence Malick and co-starring Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara. Lawless is actually one of two new Malick projects in the works – both starring Bale but only one starring Baby Goose :( – but at least it is the only one that lets us witness Gosling with a machine gun. Is there nothing sexier on this planet, ladies? Actually, I suppose it would be better if he were shirtless and riding a lion like He-Man with Bale in a sidecar made of biceps, but we’re gonna have to settle for this.

The banner image is one of a few new stills that were recently released from the set of Lawless, but most of them were just Baby Goose being his lovable, charming self and mingling with the crew and fans. It’s good that he was being so affable with everyone, though, because rumor has it that Bale was actually firing a machine gun into the crowds. I don’t know if that is true or not, but it just sounds right.

[Editor's Note: The machine gun pictures are actually from Gangster Squad, from Ruben Fleischer (hopefully it's better than 30 Minutes or Less). Don't worry, I'll be sure to tan Burnsy's ass for this error.]

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