It has only been three months, but the pain still feels fresh. Back in November, People magazine had the nerve – nay, THE BALLS! – to claim that Bradley Cooper was the Sexiest Man Alive. Normally, we wouldn’t care, but People chose the star of Limitless and The A*Team over our favorite chosen son, Ryan Gosling. And the world shared our outrage and acted accordingly.

As if the dagger wound wasn’t painful enough, along comes Heat magazine – whatever that is – to twist the blade and leave us in further agony. According to 1,000 or so of Heat’s readers, Gosling is indeed in the conversation of the Sexiest Man on the Planet, but once again he is left in the dust of a greater stag – David Beckham.

According to Digital Spy, heat’s Top 25 looks like this…

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Despite being the president of the FilmDrunk Chapter of the North American Ryan Gosling Fan Club, I have yet to see his latest smash hit, Drive, because I can’t quite handle the idea of seeing an angry Baby Goose hurting people, when he’s supposed to be the King of Cuddle. But Vinnie saw it and reviewed it, and you can take his word for it that it’s action-packed and huggerific, if by that you mean a guy getting his face stomped.

More than anything, though, Drive has been a surprising source of inspiration, what with the creation of an exciting game, a mash-up with Tom Cochrane’s classic 90s hit “Life is a Highway”, the release of a line of Gosling’s scorpion jackets, and even causing a guy to throw a hot dog at Tiger Woods. This film will probably completely be forgotten come Academy Awards time, but I believe that it has already won so much.

Now, thanks to animators Tom Haugomat and Bruno Mangyoku, Drive is available in short cartoon form.

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Here’s Ryan Gosling with his special lady, Eva Mendes, in Paris. Of course he’s holding a rose that he picked for her. “Hey, girl. Sure I scratched my hand on those thorns, but it’s a small price to pay to show you I care.” |WWTDD|

MORNING LINKS
SITE NEWS: Get excited, we’ve got a fresh Scene Breakdown from Danger Guerrero (KARATE DOG!) AND a brand new This Week in Posters. Get excited. That’s right, I said it twice, because I mean it.

Have you listened to the latest Frotcast? You should. It has koi prank calls. |Frotcast|

So Long and Thanks for All the Puppies. Go pay your respects to your departing WG editor, Matt Ufford. And meet your new editors!  |Warming Glow|

Crossface Chickenwing Rhymes: 7 Hip-Hop Lines About Bob Backlund. (I have no idea what any of this means). |Smoking Section|

I absolutely love watching these two old dudes kick the crap out of each other. |With Leather|

Meme Watch: Hippo Coworker Is On The Other Side Of Your Cubicle Wall |UPROXX|

7 Popular Songs That Are Too Rapey. Please, there’s no such thing as TOO rapey. |Buzzfeed|

“Where are the great movies?” asks the director of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull |FARK|

Damn, the Stath’s sister sounds pissed. DON’T MAKE ME PUT DOWN THIS BABY! |TheDailyWhat|

Anne Hathaway is engaged to this chode smuggler. |TheSuperficial|

Charlize Theron totally got bullied in school, you guys. Probably for being so pretty. |Videogum|

10 words of the year that didn’t catch on. Not listed? “Dingleberry.” Dingleberry is here to stay. You could set your watch to dingleberry. |MentalFloss|

6 fictional retailers that are probably better than Best Buy. |ScreenJunkies|

Louis CK Explains Racial Slurs |DogAndPony|

This awkward couple’s first kiss legitimately makes me nauseous. |HolyTaco|

Let Miss Leila alllmost show you her gash. |GorillaMask|

A Collection of Masked Movie Posters |Unreality|

Check out Talib Kweli in this new DeStorm video. Did you know: The Uproxx guys used to own Talib Kweli’s record label? It’s true. (*more you know music plays*)

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"Hey girl, trust me, this is in self defense."

FilmDrunk favorite and gentleman snuggler Ryan Gosling is currently filming Lawless, a gangster film directed by Terrence Malick and co-starring Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara. Lawless is actually one of two new Malick projects in the works – both starring Bale but only one starring Baby Goose :( – but at least it is the only one that lets us witness Gosling with a machine gun. Is there nothing sexier on this planet, ladies? Actually, I suppose it would be better if he were shirtless and riding a lion like He-Man with Bale in a sidecar made of biceps, but we’re gonna have to settle for this.

The banner image is one of a few new stills that were recently released from the set of Lawless, but most of them were just Baby Goose being his lovable, charming self and mingling with the crew and fans. It’s good that he was being so affable with everyone, though, because rumor has it that Bale was actually firing a machine gun into the crowds. I don’t know if that is true or not, but it just sounds right.

[Editor's Note: The machine gun pictures are actually from Gangster Squad, from Ruben Fleischer (hopefully it's better than 30 Minutes or Less). Don't worry, I'll be sure to tan Burnsy's ass for this error.]

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"The Baby Goose on the bus goes hunk, hunk, hunk!"

Opening in Wide Release This Weekend: The Ides of March, Real Steel

Opening in Limited Release This Weekend: The Human Centipede 2

FilmDrunk Recommends: 50/50

This is a pretty tame movie weekend despite huge star power, so the obvious expectation should be that The Ides of March will be the critical darling that is outperformed by Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots: The Movie because your kids think that a robot punching another robot in the balls is HILARIOUS. What say you, on with the lofty expectations?

The Ides of March

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 79% critics, 84% audience “want to see”

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“In a raw and riveting face-off in a hotel kitchen, Mike and Stephen have it out on issues that really are life-and-death. Clooney knows how to ignite sparks and build momentum. And he hands the terrific Gosling an all-stops-out role that challenges him on every level – his ravaged face traces the line from compromise to corruption.” – Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

“Gosling is the standout among the A-list ensemble, delivering a riveting, intensely focused performance. He has a wonderful moment when Myers is faced with a fateful decision. The next scene is silent, a medium shot of him walking down the street. From the cadence of his walk, we know the choice he’s made. That, ladies and gentlemen, is an actor at work. – Colin Covert, Minnesota Star Tribune

Armchair Analysis: Nobody ravages Baby Goose’s face. This film is obviously going to receive high praise and generate a great deal of Oscar buzz, but is this really a great time for a political drama? I’d rather watch Pauly Shore in Hail to the Queef the way this country is going, but then… I just can’t say no to Silver Fox and Baby Goose.

Seriously, even my panties get moist looking at this picture…

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