“AIDS AIDS AIDS!”
Earlier this week, it was reported that Alan Doyle, lead singer of the Canadian band Great Big Sea, would play Allen-a-Dale in Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood movie, Nottingham. In a recent interview, Doyle told MTV that the movie would also feature *gasp* “lots of singing.”
“He’s a troubadour,” [said] Doyle [of his characater]. “He’s an Irish lute playing balladeer. He’s an artist who loves to sing a song. With two or three other guys, Allen a-Dale is one of the Merry Men who’s followed Robin Hood [Russell Crowe] for a long time and hopes to continue to do so. Yes, I will be playing the lute in the film.”
“There is a lot of singing in the film,” he told us. “A lot of it by different people in different parts of the film. I don’t know quite yet if Russell and I will be singing together. But there will be lots of music in the film.”
“I wrote a few songs with Russell for his band, and he wrote a few with me for Great Big Sea, and I also produced a record for his band and actually toured a couple of times in Australia and in Europe. He’s got a real different skill set than I have. He’s a real keen wordsmith as most of my actor friends are.”
A wordsmith, eh? That’s strange, I’ve often known him to communicate only in 30-Odd Foot of Grunts! (no high five?). So, to recap, Robin Hood wears tights, his best friend is a Great Big Seaman, and they spend all day in the woods playing ballads. And in his spare time he steals from the rich and gives to the drama club.
It sort of sucks for any actress who replaces Sienna Miller opposite Russell Crowe in Nottingham, since so far the official line on why she got fired is “too thin and pretty”. Then again, skanks try to use that as an explanation for everything, even if they got kicked off a reality show for taking a dump in the hot tub. “What, you saw it, those fat bitches were jealous of me.” Anyway, today in one of their Pulitzer-caliber exposés, The Telegraph reports that Miller’s replacement MAY be Cate Blanchett.
Cate Blanchett looks more and more of a certainty for the role of Maid Marian in Sir Ridley Scott’s forthcoming film Nottingham after Sienna Miller was apparently deemed too slim and youthful for the part. “I think Cate Blanchett is set to take the Maid Marian part,” says Mark Strong, who has already been signed up to play Sir Guy of Gisbourne. “She is a wonderful actress and it would make it a much classier film if she was in it.”
Mmm, classy. It’s true, Cate Blanchett does have that effect on movies. She’s not like that other braindead prostitute, no offense to anyone in particular. Basically, Cate Blanchett is to films what faux wood paneling and Corinthian leather toilet seats are to my apartment. Call me, ladies.
This whole story sounds phoney and the source is the NY Post, but like ma always taught me, that’s no reason not to use it as an excuse to ridicule people. The rumor is that Sienna “Oops here’s my tits” Miller has been forced out of Ridley Scott’s Nottingham because she’s too pretty to stand next to lardass Russell Crowe.
An insider said, “It is a mess. Russell never lost the weight he put on for ‘Body of Evidence’ - and so the love scenes between him and Sienna would have been laughable. He’s so old and fat and she’s so young and gorgeous. It’s just . . . gross.”
Wait, a Hollywood movie starring a hot chick opposite a lumpy schlub? Gasp! We can’t have that! That’s never been done!
Word in Hollywood is that producers are “looking for an older, plumper actress to play the role so [Crowe] doesn’t look like a paunchy grandpa. Someone in her late 30s or early 40s.”
The Oscar-winner has demanded serious script rewrites. “Originally the movie was about a love triangle between Maid Marian, Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham,” our tipster said. “It is now all about Russell’s Robin Hood. Literally, 40 pages of script were redone and now are just devoted to him and his massive ego. It’s amazing.”
Despite studio denials, we hear Crowe is trying to get director Ridley Scott fired. Calls were made to several prominent directors over the holidays to find a replacement. “All of this was done behind Ridley’s back,” the insider said. “He has no idea.” [Post]
Hmm, Russell Crowe is trying to get Ridley Scott fired? Would that be the same Ridley Scott that directed him in Gladiator, Body of Lies, American Gangster, and A Good Year? And since Crowe was supposed to play the Sheriff and Robin Hood, re-writing the script to focus on Robin wouldn’t really give him more camera time, now would it? Poor post. I know how long a good photoshop job and hilarious headline pun takes, so I can understand why they would just make stuff up. Plus, Russell Crowe is kind of fat, so screw him. He doesn’t have the body to pull off a svelte medieval Englishman like say, Henry VIII. I mean, you shoulda seen the washboard abs on that f-cker. Damn, son.
State of Play is a political thriller starring Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck, Helen Mirren, and Rachel McAdams, based on a BBC miniseries about a journalist (Crowe) investigating the murder of a congressmen’s (Affleck) mistress. Sounds, uh… thrilling. Adapting British shows is a great idea. I mean, they have such amazing TV over there. I can’t wait for the next one, about an older comedian hilariously dressed in drag who gets yelled at by Gordon Ramsey. Can his be-wigged lawyer save the day? Only time will tell! *cue 10 minutes of canned laughter*
Last we heard of Nottingham, Ridley Scott’s sympathetic-to-the-sheriff take on Robin Hood, it was rumored that Russell Crowe would be playing both Robin Hood and the Sheriff. Recently, producer Brian Grazer clarified things to MTV. And by clarified, I mean said something borderline nonsensical.
Asked about the confusion over who Russell is in fact playing, Grazer said “The two role confusion is that what Robin Hood does is he sees Nottingham in battle very early in the movie and Nottingham dies. And Robin Hood takes over the identity of Nottingham. Thats how it plays out.” Grazer went on to call the film “an origin story” for the characters.
Hmm. So Robin Hood sees the Sheriff die… then takes over for the Sheriff… then… spends the rest of the movie stealing from, and trying to catch, himself? Is there angel dust involved? Will he kill the alter ego by shooting himself in the mouth with an arrow a la Fight Club? We have no answers yet, but I’ll tell you this: never trust a guy with hair like Brian Grazer’s. Except to steal your coke and smell like cigarettes.
