The news today for Tom Cruise’s latest project, Rock of Ages, is that Saturday Night Live’s Will Forte is joining the cast of this Broadway-to-big-screen musical adaptation. Forte joins Cruise, Russell Brand, Alec Baldwin, Bryan Cranston, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Malin Akerman’s super hot self, among others, for this star-studded celebration of the Tony-nominated musical.

Cruise is playing 80s rock superstar Stacee Jaxx and you can see from the image above that he’s hardly sacrificing his trademark manliness that he’s so well-known for these days. Don’t you worry about that, friends, because his woman, Katie Holmes, says that he’s still a boss.

“Two years ago he took me up on his P-51 Mustang, a fighter plane from World War II. He painted the words, ‘Kiss Me, Kate’ on the side,” Holmes says in the August issue of InStyle. “It feels like you’re on a bike in the sky. I thought, I’m either going to spend this whole flight totally freaked out or realize this is pretty thrilling.” (Via People)

When they landed, Katie wrapped her arms around Tom’s neck and moved in to kiss him, but he pulled back and said, “Stop it! You’re messing up my scarf!”

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Damn, remember when Year One was considered a big flop?  That had a $20 million opening weekend.  Your Highness just opened in sixth place at $9.5 million (on a $50 million budget).  And it had two Oscar nominees and Natalie Portman’s bare ass in the trailer.  (Maybe she should’ve shat jelly beans?)  Go figure.  On the plus side, I liked it, so my streak of being completely out of touch with the rest of society remains unbroken.  I may go torture a hooker just to see if I’m still capable of empathy.  Nope, didn’t work.  Anyone have a moist towelette?

But it was pretty grim all around, as is to be expected when a jelly-bean sh-tting CGI bunny is the number one movie of the weekend two weeks running (and just behind Rango for the biggest opening of 2011).  This weekend last year had three movies earning more than $20 million (two more than $25).  This year, Hop earned $21.7 million for the top spot, leaving Arthur‘s $12.6 million a distant second.  It just goes to show you, Americans love Russell Brand, but they hate Russell Brand.  Rounding out the top five were Hanna ($12.3), Soul Surfer ($11.1), and Insidious ($9.7), which has now earned $27 million on a $1.5 million budget.  It has to be seen as a victory for… uh… whatever the hell Insidious is about.  Oh, it’s about a creepy little kid?  How original.

Elsewhere, Cedar Rapids, in its ninth week of release, played on just 118 screens (in contrast to every movie in the top ten, which all played on more than 2,000), 92 less than last week.  Because God forbid a sweet comedy with universal appeal be allowed to play a flyover multiplex.  Not when we’ve got unnecessary remakes and 3D bunny poop to foist!  Quick, add a fat suit!  Vajazzle these aliens!  MORE RECORD SCRATCH!

(*using dead coyote as ventriloquist’s dummy*) “Chaos reigns.”

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Above all else, entertainment is an intuitive business.  You take one British comedian, famous for discussing his battles with drug and sex addiction, and do with him the most logical thing: hire him to voice the Easter Bunny in a children’s movie.  Of course, this Easter Bunny will have to be super cool and hip, to appeal to today’s youth with their iPads and Rockbands and sausage-sucking sexbots, so now the Easter Bunny plays drums and wears multiple layers of shirts and moves to Hollywood for some reason.  After that, it hooks up with David Hasselhoff, a guy famous for being on a bad show with a lady who made a sex tape with a rock star with a really big penis, and later for being a terrible drunk who eats floorburgers.  From there, the floorburger guy helps the cool bunny with the multiple shirts become famous for pooping jelly beans, which will be then branded and sold to children.  The end.  Cut and print.

Really, I can’t imagine this turning out any other way.

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"BRAAAAAAAAAINS..."

Yep, that’s the guy who bangs Katy Perry.

Russell Brand is currently hard at work shooting a remake of Arthur, but no one cares about that, so here’s a horrendous picture of him as a teenager.  Good lord, I believe that is considered a homely man, even in England.  He looks like he stuffed a catcher’s mitt in his mouth, and now he has to concentrate super hard so he can pass it.

I feel like people throw around Rocky Dennis references too often, and it takes away from the times when the comparison is truly apt, like now.

[IDontLikeYouInThatWay]

Just two days after we saw the first poster, Hop, featuring the voice of Russell Brand as the Easter Bunny, now has a teaser trailer.  He doesn’t speak in it, leaving us to wonder if the Easter Bunny will have Russell Brand’s slightly grating English accent.  I would assume yes, since the bunny plays Blur’s “Song 2,” which is so synonymous with all things British that Micheal Bisping uses it as his UFC walk up song. (Also, hiring Russell Brand to voice a character who isn’t British would be like hiring Gilbert Gottfried to voice one who doesn’t yell).  One thing’s for certain, he’s super cool!  GRRR, SHORT-SLEEVE SHIRTS OVER LONG-SLEEVE SHIRTS, IN YOUR FACE GRANDPA!!!  In all seriousness though, the fact that he’s not wearing sunglasses could go down in history as the most surpising show of restraint in Hollywood history.

Below, Yogi Bear shakes his ass to hip hop.

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