According to Page Six, Quentin Tarantino is remaking Russ Meyer’s Faster, Pussycat, Kill! Kill!, and he wants pornstar Tera Patrick for the lead.

"Quentin loves her, and she’s a dead ringer for original star Tura Satana," said our source. Patrick gushes [hehe –Ed.] over the Russ Meyer 1966 cult film about three women on a violent desert road trip. "It would be the hottest remake ever, and I’m honored to be considered," she told Page Six. "I was built for this part."

She means she has huge tits, in case you didn’t catch that.  I know, she’s subtle.  Anyway, I’m pretty excited about this.  Every time I see Tera Patrick let guys come on her face for free on the internet, all I can think about is how much I’d like to pay 11 bucks to watch her pretend to be a Charlie’s Angel. 

I think I’d like this movie better if the title referred to an actual pussycat.

So today Liz Smith of Variety has an article about Quentin Tarantino wanting to do a remake of Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Okay, you might be thinking, that sounds right up his alley.  And it’s true, Tarantino remaking a sexploitation flick from the 60s could be pretty cool (so long as it’s not Talk More, Pussycat! Torture Me with Your Inane Yammering! like about 40 minutes of Death Proof was).  But wait, there’s a twist here: 

Tarantino wants his version to be even raunchier, natch. His first casting choices are Kim Kardashian, Eva Mendes and — oh, please! — Britney Spears.

Um, what?  Tell me Liz Smith is just a schizophrenic street person, because if Kim Kardashian and Britney Spears are in the same movie the world might just implode with outrageousness. My guess is ol’ Q was just coked out of his face again talking a mile a minute and someone interpreted him literally.  I made that mistake once when he complimented my scarf at a charity gala.  I was so excited I wore it to school the next day and EVERYONE LAUGHED AT ME, QUENTIN!  MY LIFE IS OVER AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!