3D Dog demands an immersive experience

Question marks in the headline can mean only one thing: it’s time to prognosticate!  Looking for news?  Answers?  You’ve come to the wrong place, pardner!  If we had ‘em, we wouldn’t be askin’!  YEEE HAW!  Now who wants to get shot in the dark? (*fires pistols in the air*)

Today’s awesomely unsubstantiated rumor comes from Blue Sky Disney, who says that next month, LucasFilm will announce that they’ll be converting the Indiana Jones movies for a theatrical re-release, starting with Raiders of the Lost Ark.  The move would mirror the 3D re-release of the Star Wars movies, which are set to hit theaters in 2012.  Sounds plausible, right?

So why shouldn’t we believe it?  Well, for one thing, the Indiana Jones movies were directed by Steven Spielberg, who, despite his sensible influence being woefully absent on Indiana Jones 4, has in the past been much more reticent to do recuts and rereleases of his movies than the hutt known as George Lucas. For another, Blue Sky Disney is the same site that falsely reported Josh Hutcherson as Spider-Man a few months ago.  But go ahead, trust a liar, see if I care.

Nonetheless, if it is true, then clearly the target audience is stupid people.  3D sucks.  It’s an excuse to charge more money.  To say it’s more realistic is like saying a pop-up book is more realistic than a regular comic book.  You want an “immersive experience”?  Watch the original on mushrooms.  Much cheaper.

With Dark Knight‘s Chris Nolan on to produce and David S. Goyer writing the script, WB is making a new Superman movie with plans to release in 2012.  The other day I reported on the shortlist of possible directors, which included five names.  Apparently someone out there doesn’t know what a shortlist is, because now there’s one more: Wrestler director Darren Aronofsky.  …Sort of.

Now there’s talk that he could make his studio debut with a different classic property: Superman.  Christopher Nolan has had discussions with Aronofsky about the job, sources say. …the idea would be to bring Aronofsky’s auteur sensibility to the comic book mythology.

You hear that?  There’s talk.  Hypothetical talk.  This is truly exciting news.

This isn’t the first comic book property that Aronofsky has been rumored for, as the filmmaker is reportedly one of 20th Century Fox’s first choices to direct the sequel to “X-Men Origins: Wolverine.” When MTV News asked Aronofsky about the rumor at the Toronto International Film Festival earlier this month, the director played coy.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said about possibly directing the “Wolverine” sequel. “There are a lot of projects out there and I haven’t really focused on anything yet.”
While none of us knew about the “Superman” rumors at the time, Aronofsky nonetheless revealed that he’s familiar with the character and would be interested in getting on board a comic book adaptation at some point in the future.
“Of course, I grew up with Batman and Superman and Spider-Man a little bit, but I’m not the biggest comic book fan, even though I’ve been attached to a lot of them,” he said. “It would be fun to do one, [but] it’s just finding the right situation, the right project.” [MTV]

Darren Aronofsky has heard of Superman?  Oh my gosh, this is fantastic news.  Who knows what dreams may become reality now that this important discovery has come to light.  You know people on the internet are nerds when a guy makes a movie where Natalie Portman masturbates on a bed in the trailer and all people ask him about are comic books.

More awesome title: Wrestler director or wrestler/director?  Discuss.

Nick Fury never goes anywhere without Nick Furry.

Back in February of last year, news broke that Samuel L. Jackson signed a mother f*cking huge deal with mother f*cking Marvel Studios to play the Nick Fury character in nine films. So far his eyepatch has popped up in the first two Iron Man installments and it’s been confirmed that he’ll appear in The Mighty Thor, Captain America, and the Avengers movie. We can now add Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. to the list, according to Jackson.

I would assume that Sammy J. has a pretty good idea of what films are included in this contract, because there is no way in heck – heck, I tell you! – that he’d just sign on to do a project and just throw caution to the wind. Not the star of The Spirit, Jumper, The Man, both xXx movies, SWAT, Changing Lanes, Deep Blue Sea, Sphere… *blacks out*

GIVE US THE MOTHER F*CKING NEWS, CINEMATICAL:

According to Mr. Jackson: “The Avengers should start shooting some time next year, and then some time after that there’ll be a big S.H.I.E.L.D. movie.” There’s some skepticism that Jackson could know of such a thing when the same interview shows he doesn’t know his Marvel cinematic universe very well — he wasn’t up to date on who is playing Captain America or Thor.

Big whoop. I have no clue who is playing Thor, and I’m trying my hardest to forget Chris Evans is alive. We can make fun of Sam all we want for his whorish script selections, but a Nick Fury movie is his one choice that leaves me scratching my head. It’s not that the plot is terrible or there aren’t a lot of options, but this movie has been done before. And not only has it been done, it’s been done by a legend:

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CAN WE SHOOT THIS FIVE YEARS AGO?

Just yesterday it was rumored that Marvel plans to bring adaptations of their “third-tier” characters to the big screen, with smaller budgets of $20-40 million.  Today, the always accurate MTV UK (note: I have no idea whether MTV UK is accurate) brings the news, accompanied by a question mark in the headline, that Vanessa Hudgens is in talks to play Spider Woman.  I’d never heard of that character because I’m not a huge nerd, but apparently it is one, and not just a nickname for my stepmom.

A movie insider [ooh, a movie insider, you say?] stated: “The idea is for this to be a fun, comedic movie and Vanessa is perfect for the title role,”
They added: “Spider Woman is strong and sexy but in this case hilarious.Vanessa is apparently very interested in the idea.”

Well sure, that sounds like something that’s plausible. Which is almost the same as news.   But anyway, it is true that when I think “comedy”, I think “the 21-year-old girl from High School Musical who sent pictures of her P to Zac Efron.”  I can’t imagine a more gifted comedienne, really.  However, and this is a good rule of thumb, as a girl, your vag should never be hairier than your boyfriend’s chest.

Logan Lerman, 18-year-old star of the upcoming Percy Jackson movie, recently told Access Hollywood that he’s in “early talks” to star in the upcoming Marc Webb Spider-Man reboot.  Lerman is a former child actor who’s been working since a young age, who, according to his bio, told his parents he wanted to be an actor at the age of two and half.  And for some reason they put more stock in this statement than when he told them he wanted to pee pee on the dog.

“It’s one of my favorite characters ever and I’m a huge fan of the series,” Lerman continued. “I’d love to have more conversations about it. I’m definitely very interested in it.”
The “Percy Jackson” star explained that the interest in him playing Spider-Man was “vice versa,” and that both he and the studio have expressed interest.
“It’s just, you know, conversations are starting. It’s a long process with the studio and the producers and everything. But it’s definitely a project that I’m really interested in,” he told Billy Bush. “I’d love to focus on the human element a little bit more. It’d be such a fun experience.” [via LatinoReview]

So there you have it, he’s either a candidate for the next Spider-Man or knows just how to get his name in the press a week before his movie comes out.  But whatever the case, I really hope he does get a chance to, you know, focus more on the human element.  I think he’s been typecast for most of his career, and I’m really excited about seeing him demonstrate his range, and really get more of that insight into the human condition.  With a role in Spider-Man.