(Look at that beauty mark, she’s a dead ringer for Marilyn Monroe.)

The actual slumdogs from Slumdog Millionaire, for whom the director and producer bought houses and set up a trust, have been missing so much class lately that they’ve been threatened with getting their trust cut off.  I for one am so sick of trust-fund punks thinking they don’t have to play by the rules.

Azharuddin Ismail, 11 and Rubina Ali, 10 have been told to stop skipping class in Mumbai or forfeit a 120-dollars per month payment.

Noshir Dadrawala, who helps administer the fund, said that Azharuddin was showing up at school only 37 percent of the time and that Rubina had a 27 percent attendance rate. The trust decided that the children must raise their attendance above 70 percent or forfeit their monthly stipends.

When asked about his truancy by NDTV, Ismail, 11, said “My father died and I had to go through the rituals so I couldn’t attend.”  Ismail’s father died in September after a lengthy battle with tuberculosis. Ali, 10, gave a similar excuse, telling the network “I had hurt my foot with a glass shard and got burnt with a cracker. So I was not going to school.”

Ali’s father Rafiq defended her, saying “I know what is best for Rubina. They called us and said they will stop helping us. I told them God will take care of us.” [AP, NYTimes]

Small correction: “I burnt myself on a cracker” is actually NOT a similar excuse to “my father died.”  That sh-t don’t even fly at community college.  Though perhaps by “burnt with a cracker” she was speaking metaphorically, of her encounter with the rich white man who changed her life forever, and not necessarily for the better.  And that maybe things were better before, when they were simpler, before her dance* with the fickle mistress that is fame.  Discuss.

*elaborately choreographed with 50 extras and excessive shoulder gyrating.

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(Yo, dawg, we heard you like walls so we put walls in your house)

India treats their national treasures so well that Slumdog Millionaire actor Azharrudin Ismail recently moved into an apartment foreigners had to buy him just months after the Indian government knocked his house down and kicked him into an open sewer like a piece of garbage.  Director Danny Boyle and producer Christian Colson are still in India securing a place for Ismail’s co-star, Rubina Ali.  Meanwhile Ismail and his mom moved into their $50,000, one-room apartment.  Pff, for that kind of money, you can get a mansion in Detroit with a fence made of corpses.

“I was shocked when I saw this house,” Azhar, 11, said, before turning on one of his favorite Hindi songs and dancing around the living room. “I want to thank Danny Boyle for giving us this flat.”

Really?  He actually put on a Hindi song and danced around?  Now what the hell am I supposed to make a joke about?  Wait, could he also call him “Mr. Danny?”

Azhar’s mother Shameem Ismail said she is looking forward to their first night in the new apartment.” God has given me so much,” she said. “We will sleep very well tonight. There is no water leaking, no bad environment, no quarreling.”

She and Azhar will share the main room, while Azhar’s brother Irfan Ismail Sheikh, 22, and his wife will sleep on a mattress in the kitchen, she said.  Meanwhile, back in Garib Nagar, Azhar’s father, Mohammed Ismail, sat disconsolately on the hard wooden bed crawling with flies that the family used to share. He will remain here, and visit his son and wife in the new apartment regularly, he said. He said he’s hoping to get some government land in exchange for the shanty, and prefers to remain near the neighbors, chickens and mucky lanes he has always called home.

Azhar’s mother said she doesn’t want her husband in the new house because he does drugs, but she pledged to return to Garib Nagar for visits.  [HuffPo]

At which point Azhar’s father took a huge bong rip and grumbled, “Yeah?  Well at least the flies put out.”

The thing about photojournalism is that you can tell something bad has happened when you see a picture of a child’s toy covered in rubble.  In fact, I think Toys Covered in Rubble is a freshman seminar at J-School. Anyway, the catastrophe in question was the demolition of Slumdog Millionaire star Rubina Ali’s home. You may recall the same thing happened to her co-star

Dozens of police with bamboo batons walked around the alley where Rubina Ali’s house is located and supervised demolition crews of young men wielding sledgehammers and metal rods who tore down the shanty homes, a week after bulldozers demolished the home of Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail, another child star of the same film, in a similar cleanup drive in a different part of the same slum. [via this delightful slideshow]

I figured that a few months ago, when the Indian government and the filmmakers both said they were going to buy the kids new houses, that they were probably full of sh*t.  Empty promises are kind of what they do. Fine. But you’d think someone over there might whisper, “Psst: Hey. It’s gonna look really bad if we knock this bitch’s house down and make her mom breastfeed in the street.”  But no.  Progress waits for no one!  Way to go, India!  Now people can finally enjoy the majesty of that sh*t-covered alley without those ugly shanties all over it.

In the wake of yesterday’s believable but sketchy-sounding report that Slumdog actress Rubina Ali’s father was trying to sell her, Indian police say they’ve launched a probe into the matter.  Meanwhile, the actress’s mother and stepmother were reportedly involved in a sweaty, third-world wrestling match [adjectives added, for, uh, emphasis].

Khurshid Begum [Ali's mother] filed a complaint with Mumbai police on Sunday after News of the World’s report.
The newspaper – owned by News International Ltd., the main British subsidiary of News Corp., which also owns “Slumdog” distributor Fox Searchlight Pictures – said the father was demanding millions of rupees, worth the equivalent of $400,000. [Editor’s note: yesterday it was $300.]
“They should be punished,” Begum said after getting into a physical confrontation with Rubina’s stepmother. “No father should dare sell his daughter.”
Police took the father, Rafiq Qureshi, and Rubina from their home in a Mumbai slum to a police station where he was briefly questioned.
Speaking to reporters outside the police station Sunday, Qureshi denied the report, saying he had been lured to a fancy Mumbai hotel by someone claiming they were moved by Rubina’s story and wanted to help her.
“We had gone there to meet them in goodwill,” he said. “But they have made false allegations about me and tried to frame me.”
Qureshi said he told police he believed it could be a plot to regain custody by his ex-wife, who left several years ago, only to return and try to play a role in Rubina’s life after the film’s success.
“My children are with me, and I could give my life for them,” Qureshi said. “I will never sell them to anybody, no matter how much money they offer me.” [Variety]

This is one of those cases where I don’t know who to believe.  I wonder: would it be terribly racist to demand that they resolve this through song?

Slumdog Millionaire actor Azharrudin Mohammed famously got slapped around by his father a while back, but that’s nothing compared to Rubina Ali’s dad, who literally tried to sell his daughter to the highest bidder. Said one prospective buyer, “Quick and easy transaction, lightning-fast shipping, great kid – would ‘come again,’ lol. A++ seller.”

In a bid to escape India’s real-life slums, Rafiq Qureshi put angel-faced darling of the Oscars Rubina up for adoption, demanding millions of rupees worth £200,000.
As he offered the shocking deal to the News of the World’s undercover fake sheik this week, Rafiq declared: “I have to consider what’s best for me, my family and Rubina’s future.”  Rafiq tried to blame Hollywood bosses for forcing him to put his daughter up for SALE. As he tried to fix the illegal adoption deal, real-life slum dweller Rafiq declared: “We’ve got nothing out of this film.” [this despite earlier reports that the filmmakers had bought Ali's family a house and paid for her education]

Then, almost embarrassed to speak it out loud, he whispered to an accomplice the price tag he has put on his innocent young daughter: “It’s £200,000!” [$294,882]
That was an astonishing FOURFOLD increase on his opening demand. But Rafiq’s equally demanding brother Mohiuddin insisted: “The child is special now. This is NOT an ordinary child. This is an Oscar child!” [NewsoftheWorld]

The source article goes into greater detail and there’s even a video.  Bottom line, it sounds pretty bad, but being that Rubina Ali currently lives in a Mumbai slum with a father who wants to sell her, there’s a decent chance getting adopted would actually be better for her. I also like how in the video, the British reporter keeps trying to say her name, but the way they pronounce it over there, it sounds like “Ru Beaner.”  It’s like she’s a Mexican drag queen or something.