The World’s End is the long-awaited final chapter in the strangely-titled Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy, and as the first official trailer revealed, this installment involves five childhood friends who reunite in their hometown to once again try to accomplish the famed “Golden Mile”. Basically, it’s a 12-pub crawl from one end of the town to the other, and it concludes at a pub conveniently called The World’s End.

Except this reunion goes awry when the townsfolk start acting suspicious, and by that I mean that they start shooting light out of every hole on their faces like they’re a bunch of British David Lo Pans. Yahoo! revealed the new, full trailer earlier today and it doesn’t really tell us much more than the first trailer did, but there is one very important difference between this one and the last – much more Rosamund Pike.

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If Iron Man 3 marks the official beginning of summer movie season, you could make a case that it closes out with Edgar Wright’s The World’s End, which opens October 25th August 23rd (though you smarmy Brits will be able to see it August 14th July 19th).

Once again starring Simon Pegg (who co-wrote with Wright) and Nick Frost (third of the blood and ice cream trilogy, they’re calling it), only with Frost playing the slacker this time, it tells the story of five friends (joining Pegg and Frost are Eddie Marsan, Paddy Considine,  Martin Freeman, and Burnsy’s favorite, Rosamund Pike) trying to complete an epic, 60-pint pub crawl in their home town that they started as adolescents. It’s your basic, early mid-life crisis, you-can’t-go-home-again narrative, or at least it would be if this weren’t an Edgar Wright movie. Since it is an Edgar Wright movie, it’s less about nostalgia and abandoned dreams and ennui than it is about aliens who’ve taken over the town and the boys fighting them. So it’s true that you can’t go home again, but it took Edgar Wright to ask why. The answer? F*ckin’ aliens, man. You can’t go home again ’cause of the aliens.

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The movie that’s currently being marketed as TOM CRUISE: MIDGET SUPERSPY is actually a pretty clever pulp crime story from the writer of The Usual Suspects with Werner Herzog playing a bad guy. Oh, did you not know that? It’s probably because Paramount thinks you’re eight, and the movie you saw being advertised was TOM CRUISE, 50-YEAR-OLD HARDASS, BEATS PEOPLE UP BECAUSE THE MILITARY! And that’s best-case scenario, assuming you even got past EASY GAY JOKE: THE FILM.

Get it? The title sounds naughty.

“Jack Reacher” is not a title. Jack Reacher is the franchise the studio wants to build, Paramount’s marketing department like a badly written character spouting his motivations out loud instead of dialog. Raiders of the Lost Ark, First Blood, shit, even The Bourne Identity – those were titles, people calling them “Rambo” came later. More than just crappy branding and presumptuous marketing, “Jack Reacher” is symptomatic of a mindset stuck in the days when you could just put a big star like Tom Cruise’s name above the title and every Joe Sixpack and Charla Cheesesnack would rush to the multiplex from all around to throw money at you while it snowed cocaine. Only it’s not 1985 anymore. You actually have to sell what you’ve got. And what you’ve got ain’t James Bond: Musclecar Edition. And thank God. The world needs another invincible secret agent franchise like Tom Cruise needs extra large muscle tees.

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YAY!!!

Opening Everywhere: SKYFALL!!!, Lincoln

Opening Somewhere: Nature Disappoints… sorry, I mean, Nature Calls

FilmDrunk Suggests: SKYFALL!!! SKYFALL!!! SKYFALL!!! SKYFALL!!! SKYFALL!!! Also, I’ve heard Lincoln is pretty good. Vince is writing a review about it, because he saw it instead of Skyfall since he hates James Bond movies.

[Vince's Note: I'm seeing Skyfall this weekend. Burnsy hates that I hate Quantum of Solace, because Burnsy is a shaky-cam apologist.]

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