The 90-second teaser for David Fincher’s remake of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo came out back in May and people lost their sh*t, so I can only imagine what’s going to happen now that we have almost four minutes of it. I wasn’t as impressed with the first one as everyone else seemed to be, mainly because it was just random action cut to the beat of music, and that’s like high school video editing 101. Cutting video to music makes it look cool: fact. It’s kind of cheating. Anyway, this new one has no such tricks. Just four minutes of intrigue from the movie without really giving away much about the plot. Pretty damn impressive.

The film is based on Stieg Larsson’s internationally best-selling novel centering on a murder mystery looking as far back as 40 years at the disappearance of Harriet Vanger, a scion of one of Sweden’s wealthiest families. All these years later, her aged uncle continues to seek the truth. He hires Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig), a crusading journalist recently trapped by a libel conviction, to investigate. He is aided by the pierced and tattooed punk prodigy Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara). Together they tap into a vein of unfathomable iniquity and astonishing corruption. [RopeofSilicon]

Anyone else find it strange that the original book was in Swedish, as was the first film adaptation, and now that we have an English version, it’s still set in Sweden, but now all the Swedes speak English with different accents? There are two or three Englishman, Rooney Mara sounds Scandinavian, a couple vaguely Germanic-sounding dudes — we always just accept it because it sounds fancy and continental, but it makes no logical sense. Just once I’d like to see them try this with a chola, some dudes from Mississippi, three Hawaiians, and a Ukrainian. It’d be like a murder mystery set at my apartment complex. “Hey, Bra. I know you’re lesbo or whatever, but I hear you’re pretty good at investigateen. You know, for a haole.”

“Fack you, cawksuckah, can’t you see I’m fackin’ busy? Didn’t ya queah mothah evah teach you ta knawk?”

"Can you help us catch the eyebrow thief who did this, Lispeth?"

No eyebrows = nothing to lose. Opens December 21st. [via TheDailyWhat]

I DON'T LIKE TO BE TOUCHED!

Unlike The Great Gatsby, I haven’t actually read Stieg Larsson’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (thanks a lot, high school English class), so I may not be the best person to explain what’s going on in these new pictures from David Fincher’s adaptation (opening December 21st). Here’s what I do know: that’s Rooney “boring tits” Mara as Dame Lizardbreath von Salamander on the left, consoling Dutch actor Yorick van Wageningen (as Nils Bjurman), whose last name seems to have at least one vestigial syllable. I’m not sure what he’s so upset about. Maybe a møøse bit his sister?

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Serious.

I’ve already posted three posters with different versions of this same picture from David Fincher’s The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, but in this new version, Rooney Mara’s booblets are EVEN CLEARER, so I figure I better post it since I can’t imagine anything more riveting than that. I had to post the full, uncensored version after the jump below, because, as Entertainment Weekly notes, this thing is “extremely NSFW.”  And boy, nothing drives home the sheer absurdity of things we consider taboo like the fact that one, partially-uncovered nipple can be considered “extremely unsafe” to view at work.  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, IT’S AN AREOLA THE SIZE OF THE CHRYSLER BUILDING!

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The red-band trailer for David Fincher’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo leaked its way online.  Fincher’s much-anticipated remake of the 2009 Swedish film, based on the first of author Stieg Larssen’s Millennium Series, opens December 21st, starring Rooney Mara, Daniel Craig, Stellan Skarsgård, and Christopher Plummer, among others.  This is the bootleg, buttcam version of the trailer (with the official version supposedly hitting this Thursday), so watch it while you can before it gets pulled.  A lot of people like to get all self-righteous about not posting bootleg trailers, but the way I look at it, it’s an advertisement for a movie, not the polio vaccine.

As for the trailer, it seems like you’d have to be a big fan of the book or the Swedish movie to get much out of it.  It’s just out-of-context shots set to music, the first lesson of any high school video productions class.  Ooh, you mean it seems cooler if I set the cuts to the drumbeat of a Led Zeppelin song?  Call the Pulitzer committee, I think I’ve made an important discovery. At least it’s not little kids singing Radiohead this time, that’d make a hobo taking a dump seem epic.

Perez Hilton is reporting that actress Rooney Mara has been “severely injured” on the set of David Fincher’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo in Sweden.  Take that with a grain of salt, because it’s Perez Hilton, and the only things I’d trust that fat mongoloid to do are blow things* out of proportion and not know what words like “serious” mean.  For what it’s worth, here’s some google translated text from Perez’ Swedish source:

Rooney Mara seriously injured when she was preparing for the role of Lisbeth Salander.
Now Hollywood filming of “Men Who Hate Women in danger.”
On Monday came the shooting of the lavish movie started. Scenes with extras filmed in Ingarö in the Stockholm archipelago.
Now Amusement sheet reveal that Rooney Mara, 25, who will play Lisbeth Salander, have been injured so severely in the shoulder that several major recording days to be moved.

My guess is that by “serious injury”, they mean she dislocated her shoulder, and Perez took the opportunity to write something breathy and shrill.  But what do I know, I’m just a man who hates women in danger.  Seriously, this is the picture Perez used as his banner image.  I heard he would’ve made her a “Get Well Soon” card out of construction paper, macaroni, and glue, but he ended up eating all the macaroni and glue.

*no homo… er, yes, homo. (*sigh*)  I don’t even know anymore.

UPDATE: My assumption was that something probably happened, and Perez’ account, based on a mainstream news report, was just highly exaggerated. Now Sony says the story is “not true at all.”  Meanwhile, I’ve upgraded my official account to (*dismissive wank*).