Bad news, gang: Ron Jeremy, a man immortalized in a Sublime song and a veteran of roughly every porn film since the eighties, is in critical condition after an aneurysm near his heart. He’s about to undergo emergency surgery.

Jeremy, 59, the star of more than 2,000 adult films, drove himself to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles early on Wednesday after suffering from chest pains.
“He just felt chest pains, like a very heavy weight,” Jeremy’s manager Mike Esterman told Reuters.
“He is being worked on for an aneurysm near his heart,” Esterman added.
Jeremy, nicknamed the “Hedgehog” for his short and hirsute body and known for his large mustache, parlayed his porn star fame into mainstream celebrity status by appearing on the American reality television series “The Surreal Life” in 2004, and by being featured in an advertisement by animal-rights advocates PETA.
His memoir, “The Hardest (Working) Man in Showbiz,” was published in 2007 by HarperCollins, a division of News Corp. [Reuters]

It seems what happened is that the vein, instead shooting the blood into his heart, just exploded and started squirting blood all over the backs of his internal organs. I’m sorry, that was terrible. But I think Ron Jeremy would appreciate it. More than anything else, he seems to have a great sense of humor about himself, and that’s why people like him. Anyway, I hope he gets that blood back flowing in the right direction. Get well, Hedgehog.

Incidentally, my porn nickname was “The Panda Bear,” because I was mostly uninterested in sex and just laid around on my fat ass eating bamboo.

Banner image source: s_bukley / Shutterstock.com

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[Thanks to Geoff for the video]

^{WATCH THE TRAILER FOR HOMO ERECTUS AFTER THE JUMP} 

If you would’ve told me yesterday that there’d be a movie called Homo Erectus starring Gary Busey as a cavemen, and I’d be aggressively ambivalent towards it, I would’ve called you a liar.

Sir or Madame, I humbly and hypothetically apologize.