It’s been announced that FilmDrunk favorite (or is it flav’rite?) Channing Tatum has signed on for the Ron Howard-directed comedy Cheaters. The Universal Pictures project stars Vince Vaughn and comedy legend Kevin James, but before I spoil too much, my good friend C-Tate wanted to give us the news himself:

Yo girl, I gots a question: Is yo fine ass funny? Because I’m all up in a comedy, son. Ya heard, the boy C-Tate’s reppin’ laughs like MadTV, for real, in Opie’s new flava Cheaters, right? Yo they addin’ serious street cred, too proper, too fine. Queen Latifah with her big tittays, son! She from the streets like me, nephew. We gon be like Def Comedy Jam and sh*t, like my boy Bill Bellamy, tight.

Yo girl, Dark Horizons got the news legit, but remember I’m yo White Horizontal, haha sh*********t:

Vince Vaughn and Kevin James play best friends and business partners with Vaughn’s character observing his pal’s wife (Winona Ryder) being intimate with another man in a restaurant and debating whether to tell him.

Jennifer Connelly stars as Vaughn’s wife. Tatum would play Ryder’s lover, complete with tattoos and multiple piercings.

Yo girl, I ain’t know ‘bout no people named Vince makin’ me laugh, aight? But Kevin James, son. This sh*t’s like dancing with Turbo and O-Zone and savin’, like, 10 mutha f*ckin’ rec centers for a Honda Civic full of hot bitches that are, like, half Asian and half Rican, right? Yo, you see the Paul Blart movie, playboy? I was like, Aw snap, homeboy fell down! Comedy, respek.

An’ yo Winona girl, you ain’t really do it for me, maybe get some platinum in yo grill and make yo ass clap, just sayin’. But I’mma get some dope ink for this film, for real. On one arm, it gon say, “One Luv” for my moms, nawmsayin? And like, over my hot abs, son, I’m gon get “C-TATE AIGHT” cuz I’m proud of who I be, for real proper. Ya heard.

(Paul Blart, Sassy Ostrich’s favorite movie)

Vince Vaughn made his slow slide towards not giving a shit anymore official today when Kevin James was announced as his co-star in a buddy comedy.  The move comes after a history of showing up looking hungover and a few years of doing one terrible Christmas movie a year and spending the other 10 months dicking around.

Kevin James is in negotiations to star opposite Vince Vaughn in Universal’s untitled cheating project.  The project, which sees Ron Howard directing a screenplay from Allan Loeb [21, Things We Lost in a Fire], follows a man (Vaughn) who learns that his best friend’s wife is cheating and must then navigate treacherous waters to decide what do with that knowledge. James is playing the best friend.  Imagine’s Brian Grazer, who came up with the idea, is producing with Vaughn, who produced via his Wild West Picture Show Prods. [THR]

Kevin James says something innocuous at dinner.  Vince Vaughn interprets it as a sexual double entendre and chokes on his food.  Kevin James: “Are you okay?”  Kevin James’ wife kicks Vaughn in the shin under the table.  *Spit take* Aaaaand scene.

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Sequels tend to make more than their predecessors, no matter how crappy they are (Ratner’s X3 was the highest-grossing X-Men, for example).  That’s why they’re such an easy call.  Angels and Demons¹, meanwhile, made barely more than half Da Vinci Code, which is not only a good indication that the public’s had an ass full of this franchise, but that interest was waning before the last movie came out.  Nonetheless, Sony’s has hired a writer to adapt Dan Brown’s latest, The Lost Symbol.  Ron Howard and Tom Hanks haven’t signed yet, but they probably will — it’s not like they did the first two for indie cred.  You know the drill:

As the story opens, Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned unexpectedly to deliver an evening lecture in the U.S. Capitol Building. Within minutes of his arrival, however, the night takes a bizarre turn. A disturbing object–artfully encoded with five symbols–is discovered in the Capitol Building. Langdon recognizes the object as an ancient invitation . . . one meant to usher its recipient into a long-lost world of esoteric wisdom. [...] Langdon is instantly plunged into a clandestine world of Masonic secrets, hidden history, and never-before-seen locations–all of which seem to be dragging him toward a single, inconceivable truth. [Amazon via /Film]

As long as Tom Hanks is rocking weird hair and doing a bad Nic Cage impression, they might as well just cast Cage and make it some kind of pop-history, bad hair, buddy professor movie.

HANKS: My great great grandfather Beauregard was ostracized as a coot and died in a mental institution in 1875, but I’ve discovered the clue that proves he was right all along!

CAGE: You don’t mean… Blackbeard’s treasure?  You’re crazy, Langdon!

HANKS: Quick!  Hand me that penny!

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(Best part of Vince Vaughn in this picture? I’m currently wearing those exact pants. And I rarely wear pants.  What am I, a stock broker?)

Vince Vaughn has signed on to star in a movie from director Ron Howard, based on an idea from producing partner Brian Grazer, who presumably came up with it after staying up for four days  smoking meth off a lightbulb and putting more gel in his hair.  You know, I imagine.

Allan Loeb (21) wrote the currently untitled script, which would go before cameras in the spring. The story follows a man who learns that his best friend’s wife is cheating and must then navigate treacherous waters to decide what do with that knowledge.
The project is said to continue Vaughn’s interest of tackling the dark areas of relationships, which he did with “The Break-Up” and, to a lesser extent, “Couples Retreat,” which ended up leaving its darker moments on the editing room floor. [THR]

The guy we all loved in Wedding Crashers has been lazily half showing up to collect paychecks for the last few years, and Ron Howard is an infamous cornball, but his best work has always been on comedies (Parenthood, Arrested Development, EdTV).  Also, 21 was effing terrible.  I think a better idea would be an Odd Couple story about Brian Grazer and Vince Vaughn.  Vaughn could roll out of bed at 3 pm and smoke a cigarette, only to find Brian Grazer just staring at him.  “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up since 6 am!  I wanted you to know our house has 8,753 bathroom tiles!  Also, I picked a nostril scab that looks Ernest Borgnine!”

I apologize in advance for not being excited to report this story — I loved the show, I really did — it’s just that a lot of sites spent an entire year running ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT MOVIE??!? stories every other day, which usually consisted of them seeing Alia Shawkat on the street and yelling, “Hey Alia, is there going to be an Arrested Development movie??!”  She’d shrug, and they’d run STAR MAY BE ONBOARD FOR ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT MOVIE!! the next morning.  Some people even made a documentary about how the show was good.  Who the hell wants to see that?  I watched the show. I liked the show.  What’s the documentary going to be about, you ruining it for me?  Okay, tirade over.  AD creator Mitchell Hurwitz has begun writing the script, which he’s set to direct.

“Arrested Development” creator Mitchell Hurwitz [HURRRRwitz -Ed] and his co-executive producer James Vallely are working on a screenplay for the long-debated feature version of their short-lived Fox series. Even as they prep a new Fox comedy series with “Arrested” star Will Arnett, the writers are spinning more bizarre encounters for the eccentric, spoiled Bluth clan for possible feature production in the spring.

Hurwitz had said that he wouldn’t start writing a film unless all the main actors were committed. Hurwitz and Vallely are now forging ahead. Scheduling might be difficult, however, as several — Bateman, Cera and Arnett — have seen their careers bloom in TV and film since the series debuted in 2003. [THR]

Oh my gosh, someone started writing a script?  HOLD THE F-CKING PHONE, SO THAT I MIGHT SHOUT OBSCENITIES INTO IT.

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