^{Simba heard about Subway’s “Five-Dollar Footlongs” and immediately started masturbating}

It was a rough weekend for Schadenfreude Sloth, as most of the major releases surpassed expectations, led by Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa with $63.5 million.  Role Models landed in second with $19.3 million, while Zack and Miri Make a Porno dropped to fifth in its second weekend with $6.5, for a not-too-steep 35% decline from its first weekend.

Elsewhere, The Dark Knight should surpass $1 billion worldwide any day now, and Repo the Genetic Opera did a solid $6,447 per screen in limited release, proving… I don’t know, hopefully that people wanted to see Paris Hilton tortured and killed.  My Name is Bruce and JCVD made $4,444 and $11,673 per screen, respectively.  Meanwhile, my documentary Neighbor Lady Peeing premiered to largely positive reviews from the hoboes I invited to my apartment.  “I liked the part with the aliens,” raved Dumpster Denny.

(full top ten after the jump) Read the rest of this entry »

Josh Horowitz of MTV recently interviewed Paul Rudd inside the… uh… stuffed animal compartment… of… a giant… uh… vending machine?  Ironically, it turned out to least awkward interview this guy’s ever done. (Check out his interviews of Tom Hanks, Steven Seagal, or James Franco more examples of that).  What can we conclude from this?  Paul Rudd makes everything better.  He could come to my house and kill my parents and I’d probably still be all, “Hey man, will you take a picture with me?  My friends are never gonna believe this…”

Even though he’s not actually in it, McLovin introduces this new clip from Role Models (trailer, opens 11-7), in which Sean Stifler Scott and Bobb’e [his parents despise the letter I] Thompson discuss the merits of “boobies”.  I’ve heard this is a pretty funny movie, but I think calling tits boobies past the age of three should be frowned upon… with fists.  Also, sure this kid is cute and funny now, but that means it’s gonna be that much sadder when OD’s on heroin in ten years.  I’m telling you, friends don’t let friends raise child actors.

[via ScreenJunkies]

^{Look, it’s clear that I got carried away. Mistakes were made.}

The newly launched website for Role Models just added a new function called “The Mammary Game”, which is just like Memory, but with pictures of ladies’ boobs.  You know, it’s really sad when marketers pander to the lowest common denominator just to make a quick bu –
**jumps up on table, kicks IHOP waiter in the face**
LOOK EVERYONE, BARE TITTIES!
**points at computer screen, masturbating furiously**

[Play The Mammary Game]

After the jump I’ve got the red-band trailer for Role Models, starring Paul Rudd and Stiffler, opening November 7th.  It looks like your basic paint-by-numbers buddy comedy script, but somehow Paul Rudd still makes it funny. He is truly a king among men. He makes Ghandi look like a child pornographer.  Tell you this though, if he tricks me into being heartwarmed by some little kids I swear to God I’m stabbing somebody.

Read the rest of this entry »