Jeez, you two, get a log flume!

Gotti: In the Shadow of My Father was a doomed-from-the-start comedy of errors almost from the start, as would be true of any production that stunt-cast Lindsay Lohan for publicity. This story had so many moving parts that I don’t think I could properly sum them up, so I’ll farm out that duty to Brendon at WWTDD:

I used to think the producers of the John Gotti movie (including Stuttering John) were poser retards who had no idea what the f*ck they were doing. But it turns out their website plays the Madonna song ‘Hollywood’, which is where many movies are made. You can’t get much more professional than that.
And then they cast big names like John Travolta (who will act in literally anything and hasn’t made a good movie since 1998) and Lindsay Lohan (in a role so prestigious they first offered it to Kim Kardashian) and, amazingly enough, Joe Pesci.

Then they somehow managed to get Joe Pesci, a legendary actor who’s been in two movies since 1998, to put on 30 pounds to play a mob enforcer, but for some reason then tried to get him to agree to a smaller role and promptly got sued for $3 million. Nick Cassavetes was onboard to direct, then Barry Levinson. Now, it may shock you to learn, this brilliantly-conceived movie project may never see the light of day:

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With all the phallic symbols, a porn parody seems like it'd be pretty simple. 'Welcome to Errrmph.'

According to barely-literate, slug-like super douche Roger Friedman, both Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are signed on for Men in Black 3D, which is “ready to roll” for Memorial Day 2011, though it still doesn’t have a script.

Director Barry Sonnenfeld tells me that “Men in Black 3-D” is ready to roll. Will Smith has signed on, Tommy Lee Jones is in, and a script is awaited.
Yes. I did say 3D. “Men in Black 3″ will be in 3D. Sonnenfeld says it is so. Why not? Everything else is, and this is one movie that might be cool in the process.
Sonnenfeld told me he’d get me a neuralizer–that’s the cigar holder like gizmo that erases memories–but he couldn’t promise it would work! (I love that thing.)

Haha, get it?  It’s funny because this was written by a grown man.  Sorry to digress from the pointlessness that is a third Men in Black film, folks, (and keep in mind, the last movie Barry Sonnenfeld directed was RV), I just still can’t believe this guy is a professional writer.  “A script is awaited.”  “Might be cool in the process.”  Roger Friedman’s only job is to go to fancy celebrity parties and then write a few fluffy words about it.  He can’t take another five minutes to sound like someone who graduated high school?

I ran into Sonnenfeld, by the way, at Vanity Fair’s annual outdoor cocktail soiree at the New York State Supreme Court building… Read the rest of this entry »

(I don’t remember why I made this Photoshop)

This week brought some news about Wolverine 2, coming ironically from Roger Friedman, the slug-person who once got fired for admitting he watched a pirated copy of Wolverine (he also once wrote that Matt LeBlanc had “literally disappeared” and was still allowed to show up for work the next day, but I digress).  Aaaaanyway, Friedman reports that the sequel to X-Men Origins: Wolverine, will begin filming in Japan in January, from a script by Usual Suspects writer Chris McQuarrie.  Wha??  The trained seals at Fox hired someone qualified?  Oh well, I guess it’s true what they say about even a blind squirrel busting a nut.  I think that’s how it goes.

No director has been signed. And the script is a little different than originally thought. Based on a story cycle by Frank Miller and Chris Claremont, Wolverine’s adventures in martial arts will be a love story featuring a Japanese actress, I am told. “It’s a beautiful story,” says a source, “and will be very different than the first film.”
In addition to “Wolverine in Japan,” don’t worry. There are plenty of X-Men movies on the drawing boards. The next one [X-Men First Class] will bring back director Bryan Singer, who made the first two films. [via Friedman's column]

So Chris McQuarrie and Bryan Singer for Wolverine and X-Men… but also Fox?  I don’t know how to feel about that.  It’s like finding out you’re having steak for dinner, but your retarded brother who plays with his wiener all day is going to cook it.

(picture came from here, BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT CLICK THAT {highly NSFW} LINK)

America, I am disappoint.

Not only has Entourage been picked up for a sixth season, it seems they’re planning two more and then an Entourage movie.  That’s right, an Entourage movie.  I wonder if Turtle will shop for shoes lol!

At the “Lovely Bones” premiere last night in New York, Wahlberg told me that there are two seasons left of “Entourage” on TV. And then? “We’ll see, there could be more. But then, a movie.” [THR] [see also WarmingGlow]

So, that’s two seasons of Entourage, then an Entourage movie.  Then locusts, then pestilence, dogs living with cats, etc.  And as if to put the dinglecherry on this sh-t sundae, the news came from none other than Roger Friedman.

While we were talking in the Oak Room at the Plaza Hotel after the movie — in a party so full that it would have welcomed Washington’s Salahi’s  [*rimshot*] — Wahlberg must have greeted two dozen friends. The nice thing was, there was no nuttiness. He is the epitome of down to earth and accessible. There was no “entourage.”

“Are they friends from Boston?” I asked.

Wahlberg shook his head. “All my friends from Boston are either dead or in jail,” he replied. He’s said it before, so I asked: “They can’t still be in jail after all this time?”

Wahlberg didn’t hesitate. “The stuff they did, you don’t get out of jail.”

Wow, that’s deep, bro, and could you pass the paté?  I got dry toast points over here.

This is It premiered last night and everyone loved it and blah blah blah.  Michael Jackson was the King of Pop, he was one of kind, an extraordinary entertainer — really, we get it.  That doesn’t make this any less of a tacky media circus.  And please, for the love of God, can we stop writing articles that read like they should have Chariots of Fire playing in the background? From the LA Times:

It was just plain weird that Michael Jackson wasn’t at last night’s world premiere of his concert film “This Is It” at L.A. Live’s Nokia Theatre.

Really, L.A. Times?  It was weird that Michael Jackson wasn’t at the premiere of a movie that wouldn’t have been released if he was alive?  Now I’m no professional journalist, but it seems to me like it’d be bad thing for your first sentence to be complete bullsh-t.

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