After last year’s Worst Movies feature, I received feedback from some readers and Twitter folk about me possibly being “too negative” and “mean” when it came to criticizing films that I chose to watch for this annual hate crime report. Some people even pulled the “What movies have you written?” card, which is cheap because I can just turn around and ask what dog they’ve ever photoshopped a mustache on, and BOOM – argument over.

Hundreds, if not thousands, of films are made each year, and a lot of them are bad. That’s not just by my standards; that’s by the standards of the majority. I have never, in the several years that Vince has let me poison the quality of his website, proclaimed to be a critic. I am just a bro who likes watching movies, and I have a naïve innocence that lets me still believe that people in Hollywood care about making quality films. Then I watch Bucky Larson and that gullible side of me is shoved into a wood chipper.

So how, then, do I determine which of the many, many mainstream films that I have watched in 2012 are the absolute worst of the worst of the WORST? It’s a little pinch of common sense mixed with a dash of “Come on, that’s just f*cking awful”. But I also have some rules, and let’s review them now…

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Forbes just released their list of the year’s 10 biggest flops (defining loss here as a percentage of budget, rather than total loss), which you can see below. The year is almost over, so there aren’t many films left that can out-bomb these bombs. All that’s left are Anna Karenina, Life of Pi, Twilight, Red Dawn, Rise of the Guardians, Silver Linings Playbook, Hitchcock, Killing Them Softly, Lay the Favorite, Playing for Keeps, The Hobbit, Hyde Park on the Hudson, The Guilt Trip, Zero Dark Thirty, Jack Reacher, Les Mis, Django, and Promised Land. Phew, okay, that’s actually a lot. But I believe in you, Red Dawn.

We used data from Box Office Mojo to see which films earned the smallest percentage of their budgets at the box office. Keep in mind that to begin to even imagine breaking even a film needs to earn at least twice its production budget at the box office. These 10 films didn’t come close. [Cloud Atlas is still in theaters, so it doesn't technically count yet, but I included it anyway.]

1. “The Oogieloves,” (Box office: $1 million; production budget: $20 million)

2. “A Thousand Words,” (Box office: $20 million; production budget: $40 million)/ “Cloud Atlas” (Box office: $24 million; production budget: $100 million)

3. “Dredd” (Box office: $28 million; production budget: $50 million)

4. “Big Miracle” (Box office: $25 million: production budget: $40 million)

5. “Wanderlust” (Box office: $21 million; production budget: $30 million)

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Bella! That tickles!!

We’re going to have fun, you and I, because we’re going to talk about all of your options for home video this week, which is a way better plan than simply talking about all of our problems instead (example: Windows 95 computer won’t boot, has really good photos of ex-girlfriend). Here’s a listing of your options for the week:

On DVD, Blu-ray, and/or Streaming
Avatar (3D Blu-ray + Blu-ray/ DVD Combo Pack)
A League of Their Own [Blu-ray]
Alcatraz: The Complete Series
Female Vampire (with Erotikill): Remastered Edition
Legendary Amazons
Mad Men: Season Five
Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted
Moonrise Kingdom
Neil Young Journeys
Rock of Ages
The Santa Clause 3-Movie Collection
That’s My Boy

I won’t front, that’s not exactly the ’27 Yankees of home video options. Some of these titles are likely to cause cancer, and some of other ones wear pink all the time to remind you to be aware of cancer. But there are a few gems, if you care to look a leeetle deeper.

So let’s get in there together, as a family, and get some!

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/blatant click bait

Madagascar and Prometheus topped the box office for the second week in a row, while the new releases basically flopped. Adam Shankman’s Tom Cruise jukebox nightmare Rock of Ages grossed just $15 (according to early estimates) on a $75 million budget. It turns out celebrities singing crappy versions of played out corporate rock songs wasn’t quite the draw Warner had hoped. Meanwhile, Sony released Adam Sandler’s That’s My Boy with an R-rating, not realizing that the only person in America over the age of 17 still excited about new Adam Sandler movies is Armond White, and he sees them for free. That made $13 million, landing in fifth place, on a $70 million budget.

Rock of Ages had the sixth-highest opening ever for a musical, and third all-time for one adapted from a stage production. That being said, with a prime Summer date, a massive release, recognizable tunes and an all-star cast, the movie should have done much better. Clearly, the goal was to see similar results as past Summer musicals Mamma Mia! ($27.8 million) and Hairspray ($27.5 million), and Rock of Ages didn’t come close.

The audience skewed female (62 percent) and older (74 percent over 25), and they awarded the movie a “B” CinemaScore.

That’s My Boy wound up even lower than Rock of Ages with a terrible $13 million from 3,030 locations. That’s a little over half of Jack and Jill’s $25 million debut last November, and that movie was already on the low-end for Adam Sandler comedies. It was also lower than notorious Sandler bomb Little Nicky, which earned $16.1 million in its opening weekend. In fact, That’s My Boy had the worst debut for a live-action traditional Sandler comedy since 1996′s Happy Gilmore ($8.5 million). [BoxOfficeMojo]

On the whole, the box office was down 15% from the same weekend last year, and the same weekend last year had Green Lantern. When you can’t even make money on Adam Sandler mailing it in anymore, it might be time to panic.

In other Happy Madison news, Bucky Larson is still 0% on RottenTomatoes.

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Still undoubtedly laughing at God.

Opening Everywhere: That’s My Boy, Rock of Ages

Opening Wherever, I don’t Care: Your Sister’s Sister

Never Heard of It: The Girl from the Naked Eye

FilmDrunk Suggests: Dudes, why bother?

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