"That's good, now lower..."

In an early test of what scientists hope could one day cure the scourge of child actors, an android made its stage acting debut last week in Tokyo.  Created by designers at Osaka University, the bot carried a $1.2 million price tag (just over half of Nic Cage’s budget for cobra venom).  But knowing Japan, they should be able to recoup most of that by selling its used panties.

Geminoid F – a robot designed to look and act like a human – played alongside a human actress, American Bryerly Long [did she move there to torture the Japanese by making them pronounce that name? -Ed].  Long plays a girl suffering from a fatal illness whose parents hire an android carer and then abandon her. The android, made to resemble a part-Russian, part-Japanese woman with long hair parted in the middle, recites poetry to her.

Her voice and gestures were created by an actress in a soundproof chamber behind the stage whose head and body movements were detected by a camera and replicated by the android. Microphones were used for her voice.

Wait, so the android plays an android, and it’s more like an animatronic avatar than a robot with full artificial intelligence?  Dammit, we’re never going to replace human actors at this rate.

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This is the first picture of Hugh Jackman on the set of Real Steel, from Night at the Museum director Shawn Levy and producers Steven Spielberg and Robert Zemeckis.  The plot, as previously reported:

A Rocky-esque tale of a fighter who has to reinvent himself when human boxing becomes obsolete, replaced by 2000 pound human-like robots. Jackman plays the ex-fighter, who becomes a Robot Boxing promoter, but whose chances of success are hampered by his access to sub-standard robot parts. That is until he discovers a discarded robot that always seems to win. The ex-fighter has also discovered he’s the father of a 13-year old son, and they bond as the robot brawls its way toward the top.

That robot’s name?  Seabiscuit.  Anyway, USA Today, who published the publicity still, report that the scenes between robots and humans will be filmed using life-sized animatronics (not CGI), and that the fight scenes will be performance capture.  They also report (no joke) that they’ve hired Sugar Ray Leonard as an adviser.  (“So tell us, Sugar, in your expert opinion, how many ‘bots could a robot box if a robot could box bots?”)

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Commercial director Carl Rinsch, who was at various points attached to direct an Alien prequel and a Keanu Reeves samurai flick, directed the short you see above, The Gift, which is set in Moscow, and deals with robots and a mysterious box possibly filled with miniature unicorns, which is how I imagine Diora Baird‘s vagina feels.

On Wednesday, the day the short came out, a bidding war broke out between several studios — longtime rivals Warner Bros. and Fox are in the mix, according to sources — who see feature potential in the short. Some speculate the project will end up at Fox, because Rinsch is part of the stable of RSA, Ridley Scott’s commercial house that produced the short, and Scott’s longtime association with Fox. [THR]

Normally, I’d probably rip them for being wowed by another largely plotless short filled with robots, but this one actually looks kind of cool.  There is perhaps feature potential. Instead, all I’ll say is that they better come through on their promise of mini unicorns and not have the box filled with Marcellus Wallace’s soul or some unseen metaphysical bullsh*t  like that, because if I waste another 12 bucks on another unicorn-free piece of crap, someone’s getting stabbed in the heart with my pixie wand, so help me.

A remake of Short Circuit is a really good idea, as you can see from this quote by one of the producers:

We’re bringing Number 5 into the 21st Century and taking advantage of the improvements in robotics that are so massive that robots are now performing heart surgeries in hospitals,” Producer David Foster said. [Variety]

And in case you still had any doubts about a remake, don’t.  They hired the director of Paul Blart: Mall Cop to direct it.  He’s Sassy Ostrich’s favorite.

Dimension Films has signed Steve Carr to direct “Short Circuit,” the remake of the 1986 sci-fi pic. Carr is coming off the Kevin James hit “Paul Blart: Mall Cop.”  Scripted by Dan Milano (“Robot Chicken”), the remake is a robot reboot that brings the iconic Johnny 5 into the 21st century. Built by the military to be a highly sophisticated weapon, Johnny 5 develops a conscience and personality after being hit by lightning. He befriends a lonely boy and his fractured family. [Variety]

Look, I have as fond of memories of Johnny 5 as the next guy, especially the time those Puerto Ricans taught him how to steal car stereos.  But calling Johnny 5 “iconic” is like saying The Noid is an American institution.

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As previously discussed, Real Steel is a futuristic film about robots that box, “but at its core a human story.” Produced by Steven Spielberg and Robert Zemeckis, from the director of Night at the Museum and Cheaper by the Dozen, it sounds like it could be either the greatest or lamest movie ever. The latest news is that Hugh Jackman is in talks to star.

Pic is a Rocky-esque tale of a fighter who has to reinvent himself when human boxing becomes obsolete, replaced by 2000 pound human-like robots. Jackman is negotiating to play the ex-fighter, who becomes a Robot Boxing promoter, but whose chances of success are hampered by his access to sub-standard robot parts. That is until he discovers a discarded robot that always seems to win. The ex-fighter has also discovered he’s the father of a 13-year old son, and they bond as the robot brawls its way toward the top. [Variety]

So basically, it’s like Rocky meets Wall-E meets Three Men and a Baby.  Why didn’t I think of that? “You don’t undastand, Chahley! I coulda been a contenda!  It coulda been somebody!  Until dem no good robots come and gimme a one-way ticket ta palookaville.”  (*jazz hands*)