The crotch bulge is from his knuckles, you pervert.

Good news! After last week’s abysmal releases, this week we’ve actually got some decent flicks hitting DVD. Besides Skyfall, there’s The Sessions and The Man With The Iron Fists.  We’ve got movies starring Helen Hunt, Emma Watson and Russell Crowe.  We’ve got films with robots, thieves, bullies, and cartoons about Monty Python.  There are films about perky wallflowers and 28 hotel rooms. We’ve got gigantic Dutch teddy bears and even a hard-partying Bigfoot.

The DVDs:
Skyfall
The Sessions
The Man With The Iron Fists
The Perks Of Being A Wallflower
Robot & Frank
Bully
Silent Hill: Revelation
A Liar’s Autobiography: The Untrue Story Of Monty Python’s Graham Chapman
28 Hotel Rooms
The Thieves
Teddy Bear
Vigilante Vigilante: The Battle For Expression
Kill For Me
Smiley
Mimesis: Night Of The Living Dead
Bigfoot’s Wild Weekend

Streaming: Check out your choices here.

At least one of these films includes Oscar-nominated full-frontal nudity.  Want to know which one?  Continue reading and I promise you’ll find out.  Two of these films are about thieves.  One of them is Robot & Frank, to find out what the other one is, continue reading. As always, you can simply skip the DVDs altogether by clicking the streaming link above, but if you do that you’ll never know which film shows flopping dong. Read the rest of this entry »

This Week in Posters was postponed last week, but now it’s here! I suppose it’s kind of a “last week in posters” now, but better late than never, right? Don’t answer that.

First up, Michael Bay’s Pain and Gain. Okay, this is a pretty fantastic poster. Not that I imagine it’s very difficult to communicate a Michael Bay plot in a single image, but this one pretty much nails it. A couple a dudes, just gettin’ pumped and shredded in front of old glory. It brings a tear to my eye. Still, asking Mark Wahlberg to play a bodybuilder and then casting a guy opposite him who’s six foot five is borderline cruel. Regardless, I’m excited to see The Rock and Marky Mark get the same borderline-porny Michael Bay treatment as the Transformers girls. I’m envisioning a nice peekaboo shot up Wahlberg’s weightlifting shorts like the Megan Fox car scene while he’s doing so wicked tricep extensions. “Hey, Dawnny! You seen my chawklit flavahed mass gainah?” (*swooping crane shot of washboard abs*)

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In honor of Magic Mike opening today, I’m leading off This Week in Posters and Stills with an old picture of Channing Tatum hard at work. Before he was the lead actor in some of the highest-grossing films of the year (with what’s sure to be the highest still to come), he had to work pretty hard just to earn a few singles, which is why I don’t begrudge him getting rich, now that the dollars just rain on him from the sky, like so many Tampa chicks’ panties. Click through to see the full picture.

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It’s time for another installment of This Week in Posters, and this week C-Tates and friends are here to kick this party off right! (*thrusts hips, throws shirt at audience, trips over coffee table*) The official theater rules for my press screening say shirts are required, but I think I saw a lot laaawbreakers in the mirror. (*rubs belly*)

Prediction: Nine months from next week, there will be a spike in the birth rate. This will be known as the “Magic Mike Spike.”

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