For our first FilmDrunk Writer’s Room, the subject was films that always make you cry. It might not have been the most fitting subject for a FilmDrunk panel, because for the most part, we’re manly men who only cry when our football team loses or hookers pull out our chest hair. This time, however, I chose a topic a bit less “vulnerable.” (Next time, more female panelists will participate, I hope.).

This time the topic was: movies that always make you fall asleep. Now, I didn’t want it to be some posture-fest in which we all brag about hating low-hanging fruit – Twilight, Sex and the City, an Adam Sandler vehicle – movies you’re proud to be bored by because you know they’re crappy. No, I mean critically-acclaimed, influential films that you earnestly tried to watch because they’re Important with a capital I, that you, despite your best efforts, simply could not stay awake for. I was partly inspired by Total Film’s list of great films you’ll only watch once. Experiencing great art shouldn’t be like doing a homework assignment. And yet sometimes… it kind of is. As a former arts major and borderline narcolept, it was a subject near and dear to my heart.

This week’s writers: Laremy Legel (Film.com, FilmDrunk), Dustin Rowles (WarmingGlow, Pajiba), Burnsy (FilmDrunk, WithLeather), Brandon Stroud (WithLeather), Drew Magary (Deadspin, Gawker, GQ), Robopanda (GammaSquad), Morton Salt (FilmDrunk DVD Guides), and myself.

SO COME WITH US, ON A MAGICAL JOURNEY TO A LAND OF LOST CREDIBILITY!

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Here on FilmDrunk, we’ve got lots of smartass commenters, the smartest assed of whom we reward each Monday with a FilmDrunk shirt.  That’s Pauly Dangerously in the pic on the right, staring triumphantly off into the sunset.  Well it’s Monday, so it’s time to award some shirts. (For those not clever enough to win them, you can still buy them here. I’ll mail one more batch tonight and then I’m done until after Christmas).

Here’s my top four:

[From Live-Bear Version of Yogi Bear] Donkey Hodey says: Also, for TV shows: The Fresh Prince of El Bear.
The twist is that they’re Mexican… and bears.

Con-Bear would have been awesome too.  “Put the bunneh in the baske-AAAAAAAAAAAHH”

[From Nic Cage to Remake Taken] Larry says: “I do have a very particular set of skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. For people in general, actually.”

[From Frotcast 27] Robopanda says: Ooooo, someone went to Columbia. La di da with your fancy degree and your pants that probably don’t have a dead former nursing home patient’s name written inside the waistband with a laundry marker. Me and *checks waistband* Maynard are reeeeal impressed.

[From ReeseWit and RPattz Love a Retarded Elephant] zjhgd8 says: “Jacob, yer changin that retarded elephants life.” “No, he’s changin mine.” Followed by Christoph Waltz strangling the elephant.

Since Donkey and Larry are previous CoTW winners, and Robopanda works here, by process of elimination I must award zjhgd8 a shirt, even though he has a terrible FilmDrunk handle that makes me sad.  So email me, zjhgd8. And read on for the honorable mentions:

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Last week’s Frotcast was our most downloaded, probably due in no small part to the inclusion of clips from the Quentin Tarantino Roast.  So this week I included a couple more (of the funny ones, I left out the people who bombed). The whole crew is back again — me the clown-haired lesbian, Brendan the giant, Ben the ear rapist, and the Dark Lord, Bret.

• Whitney Cummings at the Tarantino Roast: “Rob Schneider is such a sh*tty actor that if there was a movie about the life of Rob Schneider, the actor they hired to play him would be Rob Schneider.” (Beginning – 5:30).
• The New and Improved Armond White Game. This time I brought on Laremy from Film.com, Robopanda from GammaSquad, and WarmingGlow‘s Matt Ufford in the hopes of making this game even more of a clusterf*ck. Success!  (5:30 – 25:30)
• Talking Black Swan. LESBIANS. (25:30 – 41:00)
• An appearance by Armond White Hammond. (41:00)
• Sarah Silverman at the Tarantino Roast:Favorite lines: “Whitney Cummings  is only four letters and three shots away from being ‘Whiney Cum Mime,” “I brought Brett Ratner some Keopectate so he can stop sh*tting out Rush Hour movies.” (1:10:00)

DOWNLOAD IT HERE. SUBSCRIBE ON ITUNES. NOW AVAILABLE ON ZUNE MARKETPLACE.

BONUS ROAST CLIPS:

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Check out this commercial from Japan.  It’s funny how the difference between a real dog and a dude in a dog costume is like the difference between cute and unimaginably creepy. [via ohhaveyouseenthis]

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS

• You know today’s Uproxx feature will be good because Robopanda wrote it.  How to make your own 3D camera with stabilizer for $300 or less.  |Uproxx|
• 19 “I Hate My Job” photos.  |
• Check out Ufford’s interview of Bear Grylls. I would’ve tried to wrestle him. |WarmingGlow|
• This fatass takes way too long to fall on his face. *puffs pipe* |WithLeather|
• Here’s MGMT’s new video for “Flash Delirium”. *Checks lip for ironic mustache growth* |SmokingSection|
• 10 damn near perfect cars. |Fark|
• The most compelling interracial romances. |InsideMovies|
• Remarkable Apple product placements. |Urlesque|
• Former Utah Jazz center arrested with pot in his butt.  No, not a pot of gold, that’s leprechauns.  |Guyism|
• This video is called “Soup Boots”.  It’s pretty good. |Atom|
• Oops, did I forget to post the Shrek 4 trailer?  Here, watch it on someone else’s site. |ScreenJunkies|
• Looks like Tron Man finally had a daughter. |HolyTaco|

[Pictures via FYSA, Stickycomics]

Greetings, folks.  If you’re regular FilmDrunk reader, you’ve probably seen the name “Robopanda” on occasion.  He’s been feeding me tips and filling in when I go off the wagon on vacation pretty much since the beginning.  Uproxx thought, “Hey, why not give him his own site?”  And then we all beat each other about the genitals with a fish, a traditional celebration of the Uproxx people.

Robopanda’s site is called Gamma Squad (gammasquad.uproxx.com) and you can go there for all things geeky, gadgety, comic booky, and sci fiiiiiaaaaaah!  I have no doubt he’ll be finding all the best crap on the internet and serving it up as only RoboPanda can — i.e., soaked in windowpane acid.  I only ask that after you check Gamma Squad every day, you still come back to FilmDrunk and shoot the sh-t with the old gang.  Please?  Daddy can’t go back to working an office job, I burned those bridges a long, long time ago.  Torched ‘em good, I did.