Don’t get me wrong, Anna Faris is an attractive woman I would love to take for a van ride some time.  But it’s starting to seem like her agent might be functionally illiterate, or an actual porpoise.  Faris has two prospective projects in the trades today.  The first is TMI with Ryan Reynolds at Universal.  OMG, U. optioned TMI?  LOL!

Scripted by Kirsten “Kiwi” Smith and Marc Klein, the comic premise is that while honesty is the best policy for a relationship, [*RECORD SCRATCH*] “too much information” might not be the best thing. Andrew Panay (“Old Dogs”) will produce. [Woof.]

Believe it or not, that’s the better-sounding one.

Anna Faris is in negotiations to star as Robin Williams’ daughter in “Wedding Banned,” a romantic comedy for Touchstone. “Banned” revolves around a long-divorced couple who kidnap their daughter (Faris) on her wedding day to prevent her from making the same mistakes they did. The parents rekindle their relationship as they elude cops and the angry groom.

That one comes from the writers of Raising Helen and The Shaggy Dog, by the way.  HERE, ANNA, READ THIS.  IT’S BY THE GUY WHO WROTE THE MOVIE WHERE TIM ALLEN TURNS INTO A DOG.  How does that guy still have a job?  She must be insanely nice.  I’m driving to her house right now.

Former Human Giant director Jason Woliner recently created a site called Faces of Old Dogs (facesofolddogs.tumblr.com), consisting solely of screencaps from the upcoming Robin Williams/John Travolta film Old Dogs.  The site purports to be updated daily, and I assume it’s a sort of homage to those old Faces of Death videos.  While it’s usually not my place to plug other websites, after seeing this clip, I realized that Old Dogs is not a movie so much as it’s a conceptual performance art piece, like Borat or Joaquin Phoenix, which intends to derive its humor not from the actual movie (*RECORD SCRATCH*) but from our reactions to it.

(*hits Seth Green in the nuts*)

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In this new clip from Old Dogs, Robin Williams and Seth Green go golfing with some Asian businessmen (what an original premise!), and things are going great until (*RECORD SCRATCH*) Seth Green gets hit in the nuts!  And then (*RECORD SCRATCH*) someone else gets hit in the nuts!

There are no words to describe how preposterously bad this clip is.  After I played it, my dog covered his eyes with his paws and my Dominican maid crossed herself.

[via Filmsnmovies]

I don’t get it, Robin Williams and John Travolta have been famous for 30 years, haven’t they? Don’t they have money?  They knew there was a chance people might see this footage, right?

Any day now I’m going to watch World’s Greatest Dad, a critically-acclaimed indie comedy in which Robin Williams has been drawing rave reviews from critics hailing his more serious, toned-down persona.  And since Williams already has more money than he could ever need, he’s going to learn from this experience and start choosing roles more carefully.  Ha, just kidding, he’s signed up to star in “Wedding Banned”.  (*dog covering eyes with paws*)

“Banned” centers on a long-divorced couple who kidnap their daughter on her wedding day to prevent her from making the same mistakes they did. The divorced parents rekindle their relationship as they elude cops and the angry groom. [THR]

Hey, didn’t Robin Williams already make this movie when it was called License to Wed?  And how’d that one turn out again?

“This bewilderingly bone-headed movie convinces that Ben and Sadie, should be kept as far apart as possible, if only to prevent them from breeding the kind of morons who would see nothing wrong with a movie such as Licence To Wed – or worse still, make it.” -The Daily Mail

“This assaultively unappealing ‘romantic comedy’ could well mark the opening salvo in a whole new Hollywood campaign against movie piracy. Anybody who’d steal this dud would stink just from carrying it around.” -Toronto Star

“Josef Goebbels had a home movie made of the failed 1944 Hitler assassins being hanged from meathooks with piano wire. It probably had more laughs, more fun, more feelgood moments than this family comedy.” -The Guardian

So yeah, this should be pretty good.