When it was announced that Billy Crystal would host the Oscars after Brett Ratner got fired for calling everyone a fag and Eddie Murphy went with him, the world responded with a resounding “meh.” It was as if they’d already skipped to the fourth step of Billy Crystal: acceptance. But the Oscar producers couldn’t have people not excited about the Oscars. That just wouldn’t do! So the lead producer called a special meeting in his war room deep in the bowels of show business headquarters. He looked his flunkies in the face. No one had any ideas! That’s when he took a long drag on his electronic cigarette and said purposefully, “…Bring me Duhamel.”

The awed flunkies muttered in unison, “You mean… The Charismanator.”

The chief hit a giant red button on his desk, and that’s when this video was made.

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I don’t know if there’s a name for it, but it’s a common phenomenon in Hollywood that a studio head or development exec will buy a pitch or greenlight a project; then that exec will resign or get fired, and the guy that takes his place will either fail to promote his predecessor’s projects to make himself look better by comparison, or just sh*tcan them altogether depending on what stage of development they’re in.  It can be positive and negative.  But I’m starting to like new Disney chief Rich Ross, who at least in this case seems to be using his powers for good.

Less than a month after beaching “Captain Nemo: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea,” new Walt Disney chief Rich Ross has put the kibosh on “Wedding Banned,” a romantic comedy to have starred Robin Williams, Anna Faris and Diane Keaton.
“Banned” revolves around a long-divorced couple (Williams and Keaton) who kidnap their daughter (Faris) on her wedding day to prevent her from making the same mistakes they did. The parents rekindle their relationship as they elude cops and the angry groom.
The movie was being groomed for a shoot next year, but Ross made the decision to untether the project. The decision took some by surprise since “Banned” seemed to be in the mold of such other studio hit comedies as “The Proposal” and “Wild Hogs.” One factor in the decision was the poor showing of another Disney comedy starring Williams, “Old Dogs,” which has grossed $35 million since its Nov. 25 opening. [THR]

I don’t want to give Ross too much credit, because anyone who thought this movie was a good idea deserves to be trampled to death by wildebeests.  Too bad for Robin Williams, he must be taking this news like a golf ball to the nuts. (*RECORD SCRATCH*)

Comedian Scott Aukerman of Comedy Death Ray reportedly sat through Old Dogs recently for the purpose of taking pictures and posting them on Twitter.  I can’t confirm that this is an actual still from  Old Dogs beyond taking Scott Aukerman’s word for it, because I’m not a masochist who walks on broken glass or hammers spears through his penis or goes to see Old Dogs for fun.  Nonetheless, this is supposedly the final shot of the movie.  I don’t know the context, but I guess the joke is that all their husbands finally switched to Enzyte.  Yes, even the baby’s.

[via BWE]

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The headline says it all, folks.  This is an actual publicity still from Old Dogs, and it is simply magical.  I can only assume they’re going the Miracle Whip route and trying to outdo Faces of Old Dogs by making their own marketing so over-the-top ridiculous that parody is obsolete.  But… that’s a lot of credit to give any group of people who thought this clip was an effective advertisement.  You can actually see the boom mic guy’s reflection on the side of the car!  This is either an elaborate piece of performance art or it was directed by the real-life three stooges.

[acesshowbiz via FilmSchoolRejects]

(via FacesofOldDogs)

USA Today recently did a fluff piece on the modern classic Old Dogs, and you just know someone was quoted saying something really stupid because just look at this embarrassment.  I’d rather watch a snuff film about a relative.  Anyway, the winner of the dipsh-t sweepstakes is John Travolta, who says reading the script was “the hardest I ever laughed.”

Travolta says that one lure of the film was the centerpiece scene, where Travolta and Williams mix up their medications. Travolta’s face turns into a Joker-like smile, while Williams’ tongue grows to the size of a dill pickle.

“That scene, I’ve probably laughed harder than I ever have,” Travolta says. “I knew I wanted to do the movie when I read that part. I’d pay $10 to see that scene.”

Would you?  Would you pay $10 to see it when it was in The Game Plan with The Rock, or just the other 30 times it happened in a stupid movie? Don’t answer that, just choke.

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