Russell Crowe robs from the rich and gives in to his po’boy addiction in this new international poster for Ridley Scott’s “Gladiator of Robin Hood movies,” opening May 14th. This is a sad commentary on my life, but because of the internet, now very time I see a fat person eating I hear “OM NOM NOM NOM” in my head as a reflex.  A couple times I accidentally said it under my breath.  These cutesy memes will be the death of me, I just know it.

I believe the hierarchy of Robin Hoods now goes Kevin Costner < Russell Crowe < Carey Elwes < Errol Flynn < A cartoon fox.

[via ComingSoon]

On May 14th, forest tights come in husky sizes.  That’s when Ridley Scott’s Gladiator of Robin Hood movies opens, starring Russell Crowe as plus-sized Robin Hood, Mark Strong, and Cate Blanchett as Maid Marian.  The theme of this one seems to be Robin’s continued belief, as his father taught him, that “Kings have a need of their subjects.”  Meanwhile the king thinks, “Yes, for without them, who’s village would I burn down and women rape? Nigh for the king’s subjects doth not going to rape thyselves.”

Then they have a debate about it, and it’s my favorite kind of debate, where they shoot arrows at each other.  Then Robin and Marian have to share a bed, and she threatens to cut his wiener off if he tries anything.  But I bet you $10 they still fall in love.  I’m so excited, this is gonna be just like Leap Year!

Oh hey look, I just found an outtake from one of Russell Crowe’s love scenes:

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Yahoo just released the Super Bowl TV spot for Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood, starring Russell Crowe, Mark Strong, and Cate Blanchett.  I have to admit, it looks kind of badass, which basically leaves me with nothing but cheap and not-even-that-accurate fat jokes.  In fact, I spent the last hour trying to create a Photoshop that involved Russell Crowe’s Robin Hood and the phrase “Let them eat cake!”, but it didn’t really turn out.  Looks like you’ve won this round, Crowe.  *pets cat, plots revenge*

With Ridley Scott directing and Russell Crowe sword fighting, Robin Hood promises to be the Gladiator of Robin Hood flicks, and it even has Cate Blanchett, who promises to be the the overactingest of Maid Marians.  We’ve already seen the US trailer, but now here’s an international version.  This version actually gives us some dialog and a hint as to the plot, which as an American I find very unappealing.  Hello?  Where’s the quick cuts?  Where’s the rock guitar?  Where’s the non-diagetic sound effects?  Without that ever-present “THWACK THWACK THWACK” sound, how can I be sure this will beat me over the head with stuff?   Supersize this immediately, and then pour it down my throat so I don’t have to chew.

(“I HATE VEGETABLES!!!!!”)

(“I’M SO HUUUNGRY!”)

After the jump I’ve got your first international trailer for the long-awaited, frequently revamped, sympathetic-to-the-Sheriff Robin Hood (formerly Nottingham), from Ridley Scott starring Russell Crowe.  The trailer doesn’t really give us much, just some quick-cut fighting set to guitar and a weird bowstring-pulling-taut sound effect that dare I say it sounds a lot like a record scratch.  There’s only one line of dialog:

“Rise, and rise again, until lambs become lions.”

Whoa, a wolf used for symbolism, lambs and lions — is anyone else getting a weird Twilight New Moon synergy vibe all of a sudden?  Said Russell Crowe when reached for comment, “I wanna eat a stupid lamb,” and kicked an empty Slim Fast can.

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