Universal just released the full-length trailer for Judd Apatow’s This is 40 (opening December 21st), and obviously, since this is a website dedicated to the serious discussion of cinema-films and their place in the annals of celluloid museums art, I tried to pick a screencap that was central to the plot, which just so happens to deal with MEGAN FOX BRA AND PANTIES TAKING HER CLOTHES OFF UPSKIRT LESBIAN KITTENS GOOGLE! and has nothing whatsoever to do with cheap, callow traffic whoring. So as long as we’re clear on that, you can go ahead and click through to see the trailer below, which, just to reiterate, involves Megan Fox taking her clothes off, ie, Megan Fox in her bra and panties getting almost naked, with pictures included of Megan Fox in her underpants probably about to do lesbian stuff.

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Poor Burnsy. I was having him cover for me today while I went to some screenings and took care of a few things. I already made him write about Happy Madison once today and it almost killed him, and that was just in reference to a possible Grown Ups sequel. Making him cover this was out of the question. In any case, yes, Adam Sandler has signed on to co-write and star in the movie adaptation of Candyland (which we first heard about three years ago). Yes, Candyland the board game. We have reached the suck singularity.

Columbia Pictures, Happy Madison and Hasbro, Inc. are in final talks to develop Candy Land, a live action movie based on the bestselling Hasbro board game with Adam Sandler attached to star. Kevin Lima (Enchanted) is attached to direct the project for the studio with Sandler and Robert Smigel are in talks to write the screenplay.

Candyland is basically ‘Sorry’ with candy painted on the board, and adding Sandler to that mix doesn’t do much to alter my conception of what a movie adaptation might look like. Basically, the game pieces all shout-talk in a weird baby voice now.

Created in 1949, Candy Land takes players on a magical journey through fantastical lands made of candy, sweets, and ice cream: the Peppermint Forest, the Gum Drop Mountains, and the Lollypop Woods. Along the way, players encounter such iconic characters as Princess Frostine, Lord Licorice, Mr. Mint, and King Candy.

Mmm, yes, iconic indeed. Iconic in the way that no one remembers them. Meanwhile, Robert Smigel you might recognize as the man behind SNL’s TV Funhouse and the voice of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. But he also co-wrote You Don’t Mess With the Zohan in addition to this. My working theory is that one of the Happy Madison guys kidnapped his children. Peter Dante, probably, he looks swarthy.

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Watch the trailer for You Don’t Mess With the Zohan here

You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (God that’s annoying to type) will finally answer the eternal question: If Robert Smigel and Judd Apatow write an Adam Sandler movie, does it still suck? Judging by the trailer, I’m going to say… yes.  Sorry, guys.

I was hoping there might be some combination of the comedic minds behind it that would be greater than the sum of its parts.  But mostly it looks like Judd Apatow’s love of Jew fros integrated with Adam Sandler’s love of pretending he can beat people up.  Plus, he does a funny accent.  That’s always fun, right?  It’ll be like Borat without the subversiveness!  (sigh) 

As I reported a couple days ago when two stuntmen received burn injuries on the set*, Adam Sandler is shooting a movie called You Don’t Mess With the Zohan about an Israeli Mossad agent who fakes his death to become a hair stylist.

It’s got Adam Sandler (presumably as Zohan), Rob Schneider, and… Mariah Carey.  The script was written by Sandler, Robert Smigel (Triumph the Insult Comic Dog), and Judd Apatow. 

With Apatow and Smigel involved, I was hoping that this would be Adam Sandler’s return to comedy form (and it’s a loooong way back after his last few movies). But with Mariah Carey involved I realize that just isn’t possible.  I know she’s got big tits and all, but she’s 37, she’s not an actress, and she probably demands to have her hair washed with endangered caviar and baby seal blood or whatever (suffering = shiny).

In any case, you have to question the decision-making process there.  I’d sooner wear crocs and a sombrero (and nothing else) to my mother’s funeral than cast Mariah Carey in my movie.  And take a dump in the casket.   

^{*When someone burns himself, I find that yelling “Ahh, what a burn!” never gets old.}