Probably the biggest news today in the world of movies is that Robert Rodriguez and Fox are reportedly in negotiations for Rodriguez to direct Deadpool.  Which leads me to my next point, today is a really sucky news day.  Not that Robert Rodriguez directing Deadpool wouldn’t be news, it’s just that if that story were sex, today’s news would be rubbing your boner on a lady’s jacket on the subway.

Reports last month that Rodriguez had been offered the director’s chair on “Deadpool” met with a swirl of speculation and/or denials from the filmmaker’s camp as well as studio Fox. (The most anyone would agree to is that Rodriguez had been sent Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick**’s script.) [**The Zombieland guys]
But we’re hearing that after a few weeks of dancing, Rodriguez and studio Fox are negotiating. There’s no deal yet, and the sides need to agree on a number of key points, but it’s moved beyond the casual discussion stage and into the more substantive realm of deal points.
Rodriguez is making “Spy Kids 4,” which itself comes after he finished the exploitation action picture “Machete,” but would be looking for a big movie and one that can be marketed into a hit. [LATimes]

Robert Rodriguez seems like a pretty righteous Mexican and all, but this is still Fox we’re talking here.  I’ll give them a little credit for Predators (which Rodriguez produced), which was pretty good, if not exactly memorable.  But it’s going to be hard to make us forget what they did to Wolverine (whose story Deadpool will ignore, by the way):

It’s hard to imagine how crappy at your job you’d have to be to take the Wolverine of the comics and make that poster out of him.  It’s not quite as bad as this*, but it’s pretty damn close.   *not technically NSFW, but definitely disturbing.

MINI SITE NEWS UPDATE: Hey, kids, Daddy’s back.  I know Burnsy and Cho-Cho have probably been letting you eat candy for dinner and draw dog poop murals on the living room wall, but now it’s time for you to straighten the f*ck up and act right or else I’ll redden that ass in front of the neighbors again. Don’t think I won’t.  Anyway, expect some news posts followed by a couple more Comic-Con posts at the end of the day, because uploading all those pictures takes forever.  Now back to your regularly scheduled postings.

After the jump, Robert Rodriguez and his cute little Ché hat introduce a new trailer for Machete, which he says is pretty “loco.” (That’s how you know he’s Mexican). I’m not a Spaniard myself, so I don’t know what that means, but I can tell you that the new trailer is crazy.  How crazy?  Well, let’s just say, come for the bare boobs, stay for the Danny Trejo repelling out of a building using a guy’s guts for a rope.  Because seriously, that happens. I thought no mames, guey, but mira, eet’s true.  I’m curious as to what being on this set must’ve been like.  Because I imagine that when you put Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez in the same room, everyone ends up bleeding, pregnant, or both.

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Here’s the latest picture of Lindsay Lohan from Robert Rodriguez’ Machete, as nun with gun April Benz, holding an uzi with what I guess is a giant silencer.  Whatever it is, she’s come a long with from trying to lick her gun like a penis last week.  Haha, girls! Meanwhile, Machete opens September 8th, but Lindsay heads off to jail tomorrow.  Hopefully her co-star Michelle Rodriguez taught her a few things about lesbian prison gangs before she goes.  What?  Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply Michelle Rodriguez is a lesbian.  I just meant she’d probably know about prison and stuff because she’s Hispanic.

[via FilmTotaal]

This morning I woke up with tequila breath, my girlfriend knocked up, and a tattoo of a topless mariachi girl on my chest and I wondered why, and it turns out there’s a new Machete trailer out.  I guess with the Robert-Rodriguez-produced, Danny-Trejo-starring Predators out in theaters today, it was a perfect time to advertise the Rodriguez co-directed (along with his editor, Ethan Maniquis) Machete.

The new trailer has all the bike-mounted-chain-gun action of the first trailer with 100% more Mexican wrestling masks.  And of course appearances by all of the all-star cast — Robert DeNiro, Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson, Steven Seagal, Jessica Alba, and Michelle Rodriguez in her eye patch and bra.  At first I was a little intimidated at the sight of Michelle Rodriguez in a bikini, but ever since a Tijuana medicine man made me these rosary beads out of rattlesnake bones, I just rub them and it calms me.  He gave me the title “El Gringo Joto”, which I think must be a pretty big honor over there.

[via IGN]

Danny Trejo has a Cinco de Mayo message for Arizona — ju yust f*cked with the wrong Mexican, ése. So says the new trailer for Robert Rodriguez’ Machete.  Of course, Machete began as a trailer in Grindhouse, and at first I just thought I was watching that. And then, BOOM!  Robert DeNiro.   Then the whole crazy cast started to show up, Lindsay Lohan as a nun, Michelle Rodriguez as (surprise!) a hardcore Latina, Steven Segal as a fat guy with swords, Don Johnson (!), Cheech Marin, and Jessica Alba (UPDATE: And Jeff Fahey. GRR, NOBODY PUTS FAHEY IN A CORNER!).  I can’t help noticing that they cast a bunch of awesome male actors opposite some really sh*tty female ones.  Does Michelle Rodriguez have more than one facial expression?  She seems to play everything as “smug 15-year-old.”  She’s like the Latin Avril Lavigne.  Theoretically, seeing her in a bra should be hot, but it’s actually kind of scary, because you know at any moment she could flex her pecs and that thing will shoot off and put out someone’s eye. I hear she can crack walnuts with her Kegels. True story.

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