Robert Rodriguez showed off a two-minute sneak preview of Predators at SXSW recently, and now it’s online. Rodriguez produced, but the directing work was actually done by Nimrod Antal. We get to see a couple new things from the new version, namely a new Predator guy with an arm-knife dealie, a triceratops thing, and a disturbing lack of mega-jacked army dudes. Who are these slack-jawed f*ggots? Pff, next you’ll try tell me that having 24-inch biceps doesn’t help you shoot guns better. Whatever, dude. Also, is it just me, or has Laurence Fishburne has been on the Luke Wilson fat face diet?
“Take the blue pill, Morpheus, it will suppress your appetite.”
Opens July 9th. [via /Film]
HollywoodLife reports that Lindsay Lohan will go topless for her role in Robert Rodriguez’ Machete opposite Danny Trejo, who probably almost stabbed me at Sundance. She’ll be in a skinny-dipping scene opposite her onscreen mom, which I’d originally, mistakenly read as her real mom, hence the photoshop and headline. I regret nothing.
HollywoodLife.com got a hold of the original Machete script, and as of now, Lindsay – who has about 10 minutes of screen time as gun-toting socialite April Benz – is slated to get wet and naked while swimming in a waterfall with Alicia Rachel Marek, 34, [the chick on the right in the picture above before I photoshopped it (NSFW)] who plays her mother, June. [via WWTDD]
It’s sad that Lindsay’s only 23 and still a good two years removed from a time when I would’ve cared about seeing her topless. It seems like every Hollywood actress spends the first 10 years of her career turning down nude scenes only to beg for them after she’s past her prime and desperate for attention. So let this be a lesson to you, young actresses: show off the goods while the nectar’s still sweet. This is how you’re going to be remembered. It’s a message I try to drill into middle schoolers every day.
Undisputedly, Danny Trejo is pretty cool. Now stick a giant fu–ing knife in his hand and watch that coolness grow exponentially by 8%. It’s simple mathematics, dipsh-t. An equation so elementary that it seems even a few Fox executives could figure it out.
After screening 15 to 30 minutes worth of Machete, Robert Rodriguez’s upcoming Grindhouse homage, six major studios began vying for its distribution rights. Eventually, once the sexual tension and pheromones had dissipated from the room, a Fox accountant announced victory as she poured a Foldger’s can full of change across the table.
Fox reminded everyone that it was already very much in the Robert Rodriguez business making Predators, and Tom Rothman really wanted him to have a home there, and Rodriguez and Rothman get along well, so a deal was clinched. [NikkiFinke]
It’s hard to know how much stock to put in this story, because it came secondhand from Danny Trejo and it’s not clear whether he was even being serious, but according to Trejo, he and Robert Rodriguez want Machete to be a trilogy. It wouldn’t be surprising, considering Robert Rodriguez is the king of talking a lot of crap about projects that never happen.
Said Trejo, “We want Machete, Machete Kills, and Machete Kills Again. That’s mine and Robert’s standards, you know? Every time I text him, he’ll text me back, ‘Machete 2, coming up!’”
Every time Danny Trejo tries to text, he pushes the letters so hard that they shoot out the back of his phone, at which point he picks them up, forms them into a message, and sends via snail mail. True story.
As for the impressive cast, including actors like Robert De Niro, Steven Seagal, Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan and Michelle Rodriguez, Trejo seems equally excited.
“You know, when I first saw Robert De Niro on the set, he came up and his first words to me were, ‘Don’t leave me like this, homes.’ You know, that was my line in Heat. And I kind of laughed and he said, ‘Man, Danny, I’m really proud of you. You’re the lead. This is it, this is you.’ And I looked him right in the eyes and I said, ‘Can I get some coffee, Mr. De Niro?’” Trejo laughs. “I couldn’t believe that Robert got De Niro. And then Jessica Alba, you know? And Lindsay Lohan. And Michelle Rodriguez, and Jeff Fahey, and Steven Seagal, and Cheech Marin. It just goes on and on.” [IGN]
It tends to hurts one’s point about the DeNiro mystique to mention him alongside Jeff Fahey, but I digress. In related news, if Twilight fans are known as Twihards, I’d like to move that Danny Trejo fanatics be referred to henceforth as “Trejotos.”
(Your worst nightmare, butthorn)
Adrien Brody has agreed to take time out of his busy schedule of making out with black chicks to play the hero in Robert Rodriguez’ Predators movie. He’ll play a “heroic mercenary who battles alien hunters,” according to Variety. A heroic, cerebral, glib, Jewish, mercenary, presumably.
Brody will star with Alice Braga, Danny Trejo [!], Walt Goggins, [old-school MMA-guy] Oleg Taktarov, Mahershalalhashbaz Ali, and Louiz Ozawa.
Hollywood Reporter adds:
Written by Rodriguez, Alex Litvak and Michael Finch, the script follows a group of elite warrior-types who are being hunted by members of a race of merciless alien trackers called Predators.
Brody is a man who ends up inheriting the mantle of leader and is known as a hunter of men. Topher Grace would play an accountant-type whose unassuming facade masks a dangerous serial killer.
Braga is the tough female killer. Ali is a man not afraid to die, Goggins is the loose canon [sic] of the group and Taktarov is a former Russian special ops agent.
Trejo, already cast, is Cuchillo, a hardened warrior with twin uzis strapped to his back.
