Just days after Departed writer William Monahan and Martin Scorsese made James Toback cry bronzer-colored gravy tears (because they decided to remake The Gambler without calling him), it’s being reported that Monahan has been hired for another project: Sin City 2. “Hooray, that’s awesome!” said Bizarro Me.

Momentum has been building lately behind the long-in-development sequel to Sin City, which grossed a healthy $100 million worldwide in 2005. Rodriguez, who co-directed the original with Frank Miller (who scripted and authored the source material), said at Comic-Con in July that financing for the sequel had been arranged and shooting would begin as soon as a script could be locked, possibly by the end of this year.
Rodriguez indicated to THR during an interview at Comic-Con that actors playing characters that survived the first film are expected to return, and that because much of it is shot in pieces against green screen that scheduling shouldn’t be too difficult. [THR]

I hope you’ll excuse my lack of excitement, but that overwrought hunk of faux-artsy ball torture porn got old 35 minutes into the FIRST movie, and still managed to spawn more meathead, junior college imitators than Troy Duffy (see: Bunraku). High contrast, lots of shadow, the occasional color pop — really, we get it.

But as long as we’re shooting it on a green screen, maybe we could just get Andy Serkis to mo-cap all the characters. At least Jessica Alba’s part. That way, onscreen, you’d still see Jessica Alba, but it’d be Jessica Alba infused with the heart and soul of an actor’s performance.

In addition to screening in 3D, showings of the Robert Rodriguez-directed Spy Kids 4 will also be accompanied by scratch-and-sniff cards handed out to the audience, which the studio is calling “SPY KIDS 4, IN 4D AROMA-SCOPE,” because obviously, the fourth dimension is smell (SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE). Oh, and one of the scents on the scratch-and-sniff card is “a spy baby’s diapers.” Never hire a baby spy, dudes. I paid my friend’s kid a thousand dollars to infiltrate the Kremlin and I’d swear all he did was drool and poop himself.

“When it came time to do Spy Kids 4, I couldn’t just go back and do 3D like everybody else is now. I had to bring something extra,” Rodriguez told the AP.

“And so I revolutionized moviegoing with scratch and sniff cards. Some might say I turned 3D on its nose.”

“Just watching my own kids with interactive gaming, you ask them to watch a movie, it just feels so passive to them. I thought, this helps bridge the gap. It’s an interactive thing, almost like playing a game while you’re watching the movie.”

“I made a movie about spy babies and robot dogs, in 3D, with scratch and sniff cards. And if they’re still not paying attention, we’re going to hand out silly string so the kids can fight with it in the theater. Have fun, parents.”

In 1981, Waters released Polyester in “Odorama,” while the 2003 toon Rugrats Go Wild also used scented cards. One of the Rodriguez smells is a spy baby’s diapers. “Originally, we didn’t have any really rancid smells, but kids wanted something really stinky in there,” Rodriguez told AP. “It really doesn’t smell that bad. No one’s going to get sick in the theater.” [Deadline]

So instead of the gritty realism of the genuine article, we get yet another watered-down, slick, Hollywood take on baby poop? WHEN WILL YOU STOP RAPING MY CHILDHOOD, ROBERT RODRIGUEZ, WHEN?

Last night at Comic Con, where Vince was last seen challenging the cast of Glee to a jazz-hands-off, Robert Rodriguez and his new Castro hat dropped a major news bomb on his fans. Not only is he already hard at work on a Machete sequel (Machete Kills), but after that’s done and released, he’ll be giving us Machete Kills Again, which he referred to as a “space opera” or “Machete kills in space.” Funny, I remember watching the original and thinking, “Gee, this was a letdown this should be in outer space.”

On top of that, Rodriguez also said that he’s eager to get to work on Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For after he completes Spy Kids 4. The director claims that he has already written the Sin City sequel and that he’d like to get to work on it (in 3D, of course) this year. And on top of THAT, Rodriguez and Kevin Eastman announced that they are collaborating on a new Heavy Metal film, which David Fincher dropped out of in 2008.

So how the hell is Rodriguez getting all this work done, Indiewire? I mean, aside from the meth.

Already the owner of Troublemaker Studios, QuickDraw is just another avenue that buys Rodriguez his independence outside of the Hollywood system. “How to break into industry?,” he asked? “Rethink traditions. Having your own financing, you avoid the pain in the ass factor. Go right into how to get that idea out. It’s very important for a filmmaker to be part entrepreneur.” Like “Grindhouse” which spawned the career of “Hobo With A Shotgun” director Jason Eisener, Rodriguez said with “Heavy Metal” they’d also be holding a trailer contest—aspiring filmmakers take note.

Responded one of the fans in attendance, “I’m sorry, you said to rethink traditions and have your own financing? How do I get my own financing?” To which Rodriguez replied, “I’m sorry, I forgot the middle step – ???”

Dimension Films today announced that Spy Kids 4, a film that I can only imagine is about children who are also spies, will be going “4D” with “Aromascope.”  Dear Hollywood.  Scent is a sense, not a dimension.  You’d think you might know that, considering it’s… the name of your studio.  Sigh.

Dimension Films announced today that SPY KIDS: ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD is taking moviegoers to a whole new dimension in 4D with Aromascope.
Director of the highly popular SPY KIDS franchise, Robert Rodriguez, was one of the first to re-introduce audiences to 3D since its inception in the 1950s.
This innovative and celebrated franchise will now be the first to introduce audiences to the new adventure of 4D where they will have 8 special opportunities throughout the movie to access the action interactively through smell.

“Access the action interactively through smell.” Open the kimono and soup to my nuts, at the end of the day, that could be the most overblown, meaningless bullsh*t PR sentence in the history of the written word.

The introduction of scent in the movie going experience adds to the outrageous fun by enhancing the action, adventure and comedy to take you where no film has gone before.

Oops, spoke too soon.

With each individual admission ticket, kids and parents will also receive an Aromascope card that is free of charge with easy to read numbers outlined.  As the numbers flash on the movie screen the audience will rub the corresponding number on their card [wait, where do I get the number I'm supposed to rub on my card?].  When each of the 8 aromas are unleashed you will get to experience a special moment in the film and be transported into scenes in the family adventure film.  This fun added attraction takes the audience beyond sight and sound and into a symphony of scents as the movie is coming to life.

Jesus, was that translated from Japanese? If awful PR writing was one of the seven deadly sins, the killer in Seven would’ve locked this guy in a tiny room and forcefed him curry until he suffocated on his own farts. And that would be justice.

(Danny Trejo goes swimming with your mom)

In my heart I’m aware of the universal truth that every time you criticize Danny Trejo, an angel gets shanked in prison, but I can’t help it.  Machete needed to be either a little bit better or a little bit worse.  As much as I wanted to like it, it didn’t quite work as an action movie, it wasn’t quite an exploitation movie, and it wasn’t quite a parody or a straight comedy.  In fact, aside from a handful of isolated moments of greatness, it was actually kind of dull.

Don’t get me wrong, there are a few amazing scenes: Danny Trejo rappelling out a window using a bad guy’s guts for a rope, hot, naked Mayra Leal hiding a cell phone inside her vagina (call me old-fashioned, but I’m a sucker for hot, naked girls hiding things in their vaginas).  But after opening with a bang (“Machete literally opens with a bang! -Pete Hammond“), Machete sort of fizzles out when it can’t find a consistent tone.  The coolest scenes actually work better as two-to-five minute clips separate from the movie because there just isn’t anything to hold onto in the story beyond the ridiculousness factor.  Which means that whenever someone isn’t getting their head chopped off or a grenade stuffed up their butt, you just sort of sit there tapping your foot looking at your watch waiting for nudity or violent decapitation, like when I watch The View.

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