(from left, Paul NJ Ottosson, winner of Best Sound Editing for Zero Dark Thirty, Claudio Miranda, winner of Best Cinematography for Life of Pi, and Per Hallberg, co-winner of Best Sound Editing for Skyfall. from ChisKula via JuliaSegal)

I’ve long referred to legendary, multi-Oscar winning cinematographer Robert Richardson (below) as Tarantino’s Coke Wizard, so named because he’s always seated right behind Quentin Tarantino at awards shows, sporting his long white hair and beard, looking like a mysterious apparition who appears to Quentin whenever Q does too much cocaine. They sat him right behind Tarantino again last night, and whoever made sure he was visible in almost every shot of Tarantino should win an Emmy.

BIM SKAZIM, ALLA KAZOOVY! A WESTERN ABOUT SLAVES SHOULD BE YOUR NEXT MOVIE! (*disappears in puff of white powder*)

But as disappointed as I was not to see Richardson collect his fourth Oscar for cinematography (he previously won for JFK, The Aviator, and Hugo, and was nominated for Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained), I couldn’t help but notice that the auditorium seemed to be full of his dopplegangers. MWAHAHAHA! TRY TO CATCH THE WIZARD NOW! HALL OF MIRRORS! (*throws handful of glitter, upturns rainstick, long-haired men in suits appear everywhere*)

Ahh, a clever strategy, warlock. But I’ve foiled his plan. I’ve been able to identify the impostors as Paul NJ Ottosson, Swedish-born former musician and winner of Best Sound Editing for Zero Dark Thirty; Claudio Miranda, Chilean ASC member and winner of Best Cinematography for Life of Pi; and Per Hallberg, veteran Swedish sound editor and co-winner of Best Sound Editing for Skyfall. Of all the tricks Tarantino’s Coke Wizard ever pulled, his greatest was trying to form a Rush cover band out of Oscar winners.

(*drum beat from “Tom Sawyer” fades in, room fills with fog…*)

Back when Quentin Tarantino was fist pumping like a champ at the 2010 Oscars, we noticed that there was a white wizard behind Quentin cheering him on. We learned that the White Wizard is an apparition who appears to Quentin when Q does too much cocaine. Later we learned that the wizard also takes the form of Oscar-winning cinematographer Robert Richardson. And it bummed us out to hear that he’d been arrested for DUI Friday night.

Legendary cinematographer Robert Richardson — who has worked on films like “Aviator” and “Hugo” — was arrested Friday night on suspicion of DUI, this according to law enforcement sources.
Our sources tell us … the three-time Oscar winner was driving around Los Angeles last night around 9:25 PM when he was pulled over for a traffic violation.
We’re told the officer on scene smelled alcohol on his breath and asked Richardson to get out of the car to perform field sobriety tests … which, according to our sources, he totally BOMBED. According to our sources, Richardson was then hauled off to the police station where he blew almost TWICE the legal limit.
The dude’s resumé is pretty amazing … he did the cinematography for “Django Unchained,” “Hugo,” “Shutter Island,” “Inglorious Basterds,” “Eat, Pray, Love” “The Horse Whisperer” and “A Few Good Men” … just to name a few. [TMZ]

On serious note, I went to college in southern California and if you can live there for more than 10 years without getting a DUI, it’s an accomplishment. Everything’s spread out and there aren’t any cabs or public transportation, and it’s generally a perfect formula for people having a few drinks and thinking they’re under the limit. On a less serious note, it must be quite a scene trying to arrest a sh*t faced wizard. “ZIM SQUIM ALA KA– sh*t, how’sh a rest a this go? I can’t remember.” Then he throws a lazy smoke bomb and accidentally turns his pants into a frog.

FREE TARANTINO’S COKE WIZARD! He can’t be bound by the lame laws as terrestrial beings! He’s got sweaty filmmakers to inspire!

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